When You Die First

Eason says: micheal jackson die
Suet Mun says: he not my brother

Eason says: :D
Eason says: king of pop
Suet Mun says: also not my brother

And so that celebrity was dead.. Only now that he is officially dead, most of those people in Facebook took some initiative to go dig up some MJ video clip and keep jamming up FB news feed with that plastic man's videos, messages and pictures..

I don't get it. When your grandma pass away, why don't you post snippets of her life in youtube showcasing her making butter cookies for new year leh? Or when she makes nasi lemak to go and sell and pay you thru school.

When your Grandpa passes away too, why is there no pictures of him in his self made ciggie? And why is there no shout out of "Ah Kong!! I love you very much!!! I will put joss stick to your altar everyday!!"

And then Michael jackson dies.. half day earlier than another uncle... whom I suspected may have died ..

I saw him lie flat on the road..
Which makes me wonder sometimes.. how is it being determined when do we have our life taken away. Who determines it?

I saw that uncle lie flat at the side of the busy road... like this.. (while the damn radio keep playing MJ's songs)

Sigh... most probably his wife would not have known till after 3 more hours when she is notified by the hospital. And when she knows, most probably, she do not know what is there to do but to wail and wail..And when she wail, most probably there will be too much things in her mind ( who is goin to feed the family, what is she goona do without a husband, how is she goona survive for the next 10 more years, how can she bear looking at the tragically dead husband)

Then again, he may not have a wife. he may be a single uncle who may have worked as a carpenter, carving walk-in closets for you rich fashionista, installing air-conds for you rich brats, mending toilet bowls for you ignorant rich arse. Which means he have just ended his life without the privilege of having children to mourn his death and put flowers on his grave during the Ghost festival. Which also means that most probably his corpse would be lying for a couple of days in the mortuary till .. till.. I dont know, but I am sure those people in the mortuary have a way to handle it..

That torn pants, old combed cotton shirt.. Obviously he must have carved a lot of closets or built-in cabinets.. or mend a lot of toilet bowls.. but I don't think he have tasted or even know what is a spaghetti carbonara,caviar, or even the oh-so-nice tiramisu cake. A staple of mix-rice for lunch, ba ku teh for dinner and the occasional 50 cents butter cake packed in some oddly designed plastic taken during tea time at the local mamak.. is already a blessing, without much complain.

Why was he chosen to leave first? In a tragic way..? Could it be he have sinned in the past? Could it be that he have nothing much in life to look forward to, hence God think its better to end it? HOw does the theory of life and death dictates the what nots of a person's? How do God make one go first?

is this what the Lord do to end the life? finger-push him..

However he dies, anyone dying is sad .. except for the politician..it's even sadder when one who dies, just dies without having a real taste of the finer things in life....

yah, I get an enormous guilt arising when I am able to afford things that people cannot afford..I felt sad when I can go for the expensive Korean food whom the uncle carpenter can only assume how it taste. I felt bad when I can afford those stupid mix of cocktails drinks which most probably cost the equal amount of uncle carpenter's wage for a day.

I hope I can have all uncle carpenter to build me walk-in closets, mend my toilets and I would let them have a savour of the finer things in life..maybe not caviar, but at least a cabonara.. but i aint Donald Trump! Then I thought maybe I should also be humble and not spend the hard earned money on cabonara. After all, uncle carpenter never had any besides his daily staple of mix rice. but then that would mean I would die no knowing how a cabonara tase like!!

oh god!!! I am dumbfounded.. I am sorry you left in such manner. I hope I can be the Prime Minister so that i can make everyone of you wear clean clothes despite your profession, and feed you cabonara just so you know how it taste like, and give you a comfortable living so that you will not die in regret...

Till now I am still not able to understand why u have got to go first...but whoever you are, you deserve a mention just as how that black singer deserves his. After all u made someone's life brighter by making their gorgeous closet.. or planted some gold toilet bowls.. Im sorry, I do not know in exact what do you do..

In your next life I hope you get to drive a Mercedes and not a motorbike anymore.

Even if you still got to drive a motorbike, I hope you are a contented biker-uncle-carpenter who have tasted at least cabonara or kimchi.

Rest In Peace..

*the frequent mention of cabonara does not literally indicate writer have never tasted any before. She had. maybe..

The Day When I Decides To Buck Up

sick of pondering

The KL Marathon is in few days time..

The company's financial year's accounts is closing in a couple of weeks time..

Designs database is depleting..

Sales is sooooo sparse!!!

Clients' response is soooo slow....

Sooo much money spent on sampling!!!

So much time pondering on what to write in the reports....

And i am still stuck here ... randomly flossing my teeth while hoping for things to fall from the sky...
It's not like I have never given it a thought all this while wen the Wagemaster rants and rants about efficiency.. I swear I did.. but implementation never do materialise..

I dunno why... maybe it was the spirit. The spirit that siphoned out all my radiating power of kineticism to do anything..

But not this time anymore!!!

Think it has come to a point where it's a ' either do or die' thing ..

Yah, for the last time I am telling myself to buck up and perform!!

I really do think I can do it. But somehow I do not know why did I not do it in the first place.

I reckon if i still do not put a foot forward i will never be able to perform a constructive self evaluation of my horsepower in manning my scope of work..

It's time for me to really channel back all my energy which have dispersed so long to streams unidentified. Back to work.

I love my job. I think I can do better. I just do not get it why I get blood rush before sleeping making vows to perform better the day after. When the day comes, I flunked :(

And nothing seems to be done..

Hmmmpphhhh...
Constant pondering and no action made is gonna make a lifeless me...
i need to do something..
i really need to do something..
what has been said is true... i really need to buck up..
it's not really that hard actually...
nothing too emotional to get it done...
And buck up I will!!! We'll see!!

no more messy desk... SOON!

Now, good nite... need to get some sleep and suck in some kinetic power... gotta move the darn freaking-omg-kanina-out-of-the-world-vagina-dropping Ikea sofa sets (x 2 ) upstairs to the gallery *___________*

babai..

Enter Frame ...... :)

Bought 11,280 pcs of imitation stones for embelishment, 11 hours of sticking on fabrics and 3 almost crying labour force picking and sticking stones :)

That Long Post Not to be Wasted :)

Probably shouldn't even be posting this crap out.. But there times that I so crave attention that I need some cheap publicity!! :P

Some may think I may be depressed and got myself tangled in some complicated relationship after reading.. anyway, it was half written and have been in the draft storage for a while, with no readers.

but this is my blog and I do not see any reason why am I not allowed any mode of posting as long as I can live with people's bitching after that..

Like I always believe, life is just some running episodes like Friends, Desperate Housewives and Betty.. There are episodes and episodes... like it or not.. it just keep running.. and aren't u glad it's still running? Cus if it stops, most probably you will be 6 feet underground, all soiled and all important organs donated to some renal failure victims..

So yeah, I am a very transparent person... but it doesn't mean I am gonna go all out and tell you in details of my life from having Palmolive shower lotion for bath to having nipple stickers for a nite out in clubbing... but I am all OK in sharing my lame episodes in life that evokes a lil bit of emotion, sometimes happy and sometimes sad, but most of the time angry...

A written statement allows one to really analyse their acts..it's like getting feedback from another party, but the other party is in fact the writer him/ her self!! Get it? No?

Sometimes we have a lot of things in mind... we keep thinkign and thinking and the thinking process never stop. And you keep having lots of stuff stemming out of your thoughts.. You get more confused and nothings seems rational anymore.. So, I chose to write it down.. Just like writing essay for A levels.. :) When one writes an essay, one needs a title.. So when u have a title, u segregated all your confused thoughts and only focuses on issues related to the title. As you write, you are drawing a better pictures of the entire scenario..and TADA!!! some confusion just got clearer and POOF!!!! you may even be able to come out with a solution to it!!!.. Like what happened to me :)

If I did not clear my sms-inbox, I would have been able to set up a whole archive of your sweet notes :)

But there are just too many of them and I am using a cheap phone with limited storage. But i still have the first, the last and many in betweens that I deem important to keep and re-read once a while when I can't sleep. Wait.. most of the time I can sleep.. Just make it a point to read to have a peaceful sleep :D

One of your very first text on our very first nite out :)

No kiss, no sex, no hugs. Just merely great company.

Lakeside Terrace - the least interesting movie we opted for a first nite out. I survived.
Psst... I don't watch movies. I never accept invites to movies. But I enjoy your company watching crap movies :) which doesn't make sense. But i supposed it's the company.

I enjoy Pink Panther tho. Cos u seem to enjoy it so much :)

Pink Panther was the last we watched and got ourself 'caught'. :)

Slumdog Millionaire was supposed to be the next date. Unfortunately things gone the other way.. :(

Text message system - used to be the important mode of communication between me and boss. I am used to have overflow of text messages from boss giving out instruction. Now things are clearer in office and instruction via sms lessened. But I soooooo look forward to 10pm and above on daily basis whenever u are in town. Cos I also know you will leave some almost typical daily question for me to answer ;

YES :)

YES :)

Gosh.. if only I can archive all.. :)

Ya, there isn't much constructive conversation.. but who need constructive statement? We are not in some financial forum :) Nevertheless, it's an enjoyable process to go thru as a daily ritual :)
It has become like some sort of 'checking-on-u-to-see-if-u-r-still-alive' thing that we do. or U do.
Keeps me sane.
Of course there are times when there will be more than a question and a YES. We do talk !

Your cynical humor :)

I love long distance too. sometimes. Temporary long distance since you travel so much more than a mosquito. Temporary long distance that keep people apart makes them feel more attached and much more sensitive to feelings.

From Siam Reap with much emotion :)

I hate it when tresspasser trespass the time and decides to text me at hours when I am awaiting for your text.. The beeping of the mobile gives me blood rush... yes, im very kan cheong :D

stop sms-ing me!!!

From Singapore after a Merlot :P

stop sms-ing me!!!

I don't really need bushes of flowers. Nor do I need the fattening chocolate. I am all fine with your company. It was a great company provided. I am all fine walking under the hot sun despite some minor rants.. I am all fine sitting on the fine sand, doing nothing.

NOW??

What am I up to now?? Seriously missing you :(

As usual, what can I possibly do? Nope. Nothing. I spent all my time doing nothing.

But then.. I got to realise that maybe, maybe (tho i hope NOT) these are all illusions created by me. Maybe. Maybe you never wanted to be in this situation. YOu have your dream to see the world before the world see you 5 feet under.

YES :)

Seriously, I am confused to what was the question. But I would hope that the question was ;

"ARE WE BEING EXCLUSIVE NOW?"

If so, then it's a YES YES YES, please. Thank you very much.

I am still trying to figure out if you have ever asked me any other question like ;

- do u like dogs?

- shall we have pancakes and ice creams?

- can u get naked in front of me?

- can u drive me around to do my chores?

I can't recall at all -__- ...............................................................................

:D

Ahahahha.... See? When u take note of your life.. you can really see how silly you can be..

I saw how silly I was.. :)

But let bygones be bygones....

I actually had a continuation to the post. maybe I'll do it another round when I really have nothing much to do...

:) FYI, things were no longer that rosy as what you can see in the post.. It has gotten so.. sien, mundane, fucked up bland as time goes..

I guess that is human nature... people are sometimes ...... fuckin shitty ... I dunno how to even describe... All I can say is it really does take 2 hand to clap.. but when you get to know that your hands are merely needed just to assist in the clap and nothing else, do not be despair..

Look on the bright side... You have just created another brilliant episode in your life and time to move on to a new episode tomorrow :)

Ahh... tomorrow is another bright day!! hmm.. what should I wear? The plunging neckline or the skydiving super high slit skirt? what about both??

oohh...... I think I saw a macho hunk passing by... * pulls blouse lower*

See ya all later !!!!

* pulls blouse more lower *

Crease-py Clean

Takeshi is the on the Emporio Armani frontliners to promote on underwear - and so i saw in vogue.com. Good for him. Extra money, extra exposure..

I saw him on an EA advert ... which i can't find a concrete reason to convince myself why EA can have a model wear their wrinkled outfits without factoring in the need to have it ironed.




Creasy outfit is in eh?? I am not so aware of that new style. The place where I come from, I am 100% refrained from displaying anything with the slightest crease u can find, tho its only behind the mannequin. But for Takeshi to have a center spread and don him in a creased-until-so-obvious EA outfit --- THERE MUST BE A REASON I AM NOT AWARE!!!

If i am a nerd who sooo wannabe a hunk, I wont buy that piece of shirt, even if Takeshi is the President of fashion who dictates what to wear for the year.... it is just not appealing to have a display if wrinkled stuff... why do u think all celebrities go for botox? to iron out wrinkles so that the public will forever see a nice smooth surface! which is pleasant ..

Can u imagine if these 6meters of cloths are not ironed out ? So not appealing...

Another group of people who seldom iron their display items are online blogshop owners.. Maybe because they do not really have those items on sales with them and are merely at the wholesale shop and need to randomly borrow a mannequin and quickly put up the clothes and snap a picture to upload later.. or maybe they simply couldn't be bothered. Either way, it's not a pleasant visual of display. Do u know that when u have a proper display with all surface steamed or ironed out properly, the possibility of people to have a longer look and maybe consider purchasing it is higher? Ah... but then it's none of my business...

eeekkkk...

almost wanted to buy this turquoise thingy, but then was immediately reminded that it easily creases and i do not do ironing work..

So, can anyone tell me what is the reason that creasy clothes are the IN thing now?

Mind Of Guilt

What did u see today while driving to town?
Have you come across anything while getting stuck in jam?
I did. I saw a lot of stuff.
Behind my expensive tinted window which claims to protect from hazardous infra red yada yada. J
That is the first thing I saw in fact. The tinted film which will give me protection from the sun ray.
Out of the mirror I saw the old Indian man on his bike, with his own skin as the only protection from the glaring sun. hmmm… maybe I shouldn’t have spent so much on a piece of film…
While driving, I again saw something.
The good looking Pakistani man in checkered shirt, scooping white rice from a plastic ware. While sitting in between gaps amongst rows of banquet chairs on an open roof lorry. He continues eating while the lorry steer its way on the busy road. Then he kept half of that plain white rice with no gravy back. Hmm.. maybe Jarrods and Rawlins for lunch is a bit too much for a meal.

Sometimes I also wonders what does that old man selling fruits next to Semua House have in his mind while waiting for people to patronize his mobile stall for a few packets of fruits. While staring blankly at nothingness, could he be thinking about the possibility of striking a lottery? Making enough for the day? What to do with the fruits left unsold?
And when there are people patronizing and got some cikus and guavas which he will have to cut.. what will he be thinking any thinking while cutting the fruits? What could he have been thinking?
I know when I managed to sell something I will be thinking of more things that I can sell. I also know when I am not able to sell, all that I can think of is maybe this is not the profession for me.

That 15 minutes wait for the most hi-class dentist in Kepong made me think twice too..
Average, anyone regardless of what u eat, what u spit, what u do with your mouth, or brush 100 times a day, teeth tend to get rotten / damaged / discoloured. Teachers taught us to have our teeth checked at least once or twice a year. Which I never did until recently. RM60 for some radioscopic x-ray of teeth which I cant decipher what went wrong and another RM 60 for teeth cleaning. Scaling is what they call it. And I got a set of newly cleaned teeth for the day.

But.. again it comes across my mind while waiting to pay up.. Dentistry is a service. For people who can afford. Not for everyone. What about people who finds it hard to make ends meet? What do they do with their teeth? Not that they do not care much for their set of teeth, but as time passes, the teeth gets brown or rotten. What do they do? RM60 to scale or RM60 for 15kgs of rice for the family?

Holidays !!! Every single human beans on Facebook who is about to leave to krabi, Bali, Phuket or even that mountain across Peninsular, screams about their holidays getaway….That lady can afford a trip to Melbourne.. That hunk saved enough for a trip to Beijing. That vain b*&%h screams out her plans to splurge during the Singapore sales.. Some high salary earner is dropping by Bali over the weekend to surf… I repeat… DROPPING BY
I wonder too… Where have the fruit seller been to? Does he have any time of the year where money are sufficient and there are moments of leisure spared for him, while not worrying about not making ends meet? Well, I haven’t been to a lot of places. I wanted to go to a lot of places. But I am hesitant. Ma hasn’t been to a lot of places. And most probably I can’t afford to let her go to a lot of places. So I decided its best no one go anywhere. Fair. Meantime I try to work harder. .

I have a lot of guilt issues that I can do this non-stop and let my ramblings affect my productivity at work J
I felt more guilty thinking of it and knowing that there isn’t much that I can do to make any changes.

If I smile at the thrifty Pakistani as a gesture that he too is a human like any of us with better fate in our own homeland, he may possibly think I’m trying to hook up with him for free sexual pleasure. So a warm smile may not work here.

If I were to smile at that uncle on bike who waits for the green light at traffic, most probably he will stare and look away. After all, it’s rare to have people in the metropole to smile freely for no reason.

I can’t also blog about my guilt to travel just because our forefathers lived their life with minimal traveling. Most probably they have only travelled once. From India to Malaya. From China to Malaya.. To vow that I will do the same too means I am merely a frog under the pot :P and a non-believer of progression in life .. no.. no..way..

I do think that life is never a balanced one for everyone.
I wonder if the old man selling fruits have once wishes that he is the owner of Genting or maybe he is merely contented with his current life basking under the sun but still make a meager income to sustain. Well, I do wish I am someone else with a better living and I often hope that the stress that builds up in me is not due to making ends meet in life, but maybe due to indecisiveness in spending the many imaginary amount of money that I could have possess.

Then there are also people who have so much principles in dictating their life claiming to steer themselves towards a better person / environment in all aspects. Self -believer characters convincing you that, what they do is never something you can argue because it’s a guaranteed point that their strategy is the best to steer them and you to the best of lifestyle. I am often convinced that what they preach will work for me. Until after some moments of practising these commercialized lifestyle, I decided to pave myself out of the track. It’s not me.
People call me indecisive.. Maybe I am. I don’t know.
But I would say that I am actually exploring the possibilities to attain a balance living by trying out different style in savoring life.
As I try to understand that, I also realize what one do to their life does not mean that it’s just for him or her only. Their acts produce effects to their surrounding. So the tagline that screams ‘U LIVE FOR YOURSELF’ is not 100% true after all..

So I am again left with some gruesome inner guilt that I can’t possibly derive a solution to… sigh… I really do hope I can make some changes… to myself and the surroundings..

The Vain Post

Was randomly browsing some blogsites and found http://blush-berry.blogspot.com/ with fabulous make up ideas!!

And so i got myself an angled brush. Cheap one for the moment while saving more money to tint up the car. And concealer on lips is a wonder when dabbed with gloss!!!

As usual, I am hot and got HOTTER !!! :p

QUOTE OF THE DAY

sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy

and so says a friend on his msn quote..

It's Not Just The Angpau

Couple of times a year, some couples decides to tie the knots and convene a convention of spectators to help commemorate their big day... and so, I am the usual spectator who will never really plan further on how to go, what to wear, but I do ponder on who will I be sitting with. After all, it's gonna be a couple of hours of sitting and pretend to be nice and gentle with a smirk, a smile and a well mannered tone to blend in well with the atmosphere.

the recent dinner. luxe!!!

I love clubbing! Despite that there are gazillion hot chicks in the clubs. all chicks in the clubs are hot, afterall :) and that includes me. I dont hate wedding dinners, but neither do i hope to have to attend a couple of those dinners in a year. Clubbing gives me a boost of confidence. Dinners shove my esteem all the way back to the Fallopio tube... ok, maybe not that farrrr away..

people whom i always sat with. sien..

(Jo's wedding)

Dinners are really horrifying. In most cases. Sometimes u are seated next to a some muted guest who come with readily planted with a static smirk. Then u gotta start communicating by planting a smirk on your own too, since there isn't gonna be any interesting topic.

memang no topic. sien.. (Lai Yoong's wedding)

if no topic, then just camwhore..

or scratch some back.. :P

Yeah, who to go with is a rather essential factor. If you don't want to get bored, you better make sure u are either super social or you wouldnt mind making new friends who may not be that friendly despite u asking millions of well-mannered question.. By all means if u have some extra cash for angpau, tag a boyfriend along :) , tho not something I condone. Well at least not in my case.. Can u imagine in a year's time, if u have like a couple of these dinners, and each time I may appear with a different guy, people will eventually be doubtful to even strike a conversation with me.

They can't ask : "So wen are u tying the knot?" -- cus just 3 months back it's another guy!! ( :D i am not a player, mind ya )

They also can't be asking : "Oh, this is your boyfriend?" cus they coud have asked the same question 4 months back when it was another guy! So eventually they may shut up -___- and leave me even more alone.. (*The write do not condone multiple relationship. SHe is just a casual dater, not a player ;P )

it's kinda easy to spot me in any dinner, cus i 'd be walking around with the traditional costume of other race with a flower on my head :P

Yup, for the 2nd time, I am attending Chinese wedding in sarees again :)

The Desktop

I do constantly take pictures of the desk where I resides in each offices that I managed to land a job.. not that I have landed on a lot of job :D

One of the very first unpleasant desk assigned to me was in this 15 years or more worth of establishment in Cheras.. Maybe more than 15 years, since some of the salesmen, the cleaners, the ED, the office girls have been there for the past 13 years *__*

If you work for gwai lo establishment its quite likely all office furnitures will undergo major revamps as and when necessary. But a typical China man company never believes in the factor that a good environment increases productivity. Hence never expects any change of environment before and after a decade.

ole humble

It's unpleasant because it's strategically located next to the loo, and directly positioned to face this :

Mascot and figurines guarding fatty's room

I have no fondness in adorning my desk. No bf pics, words of wisdom to wake me up.. but oh!! I do have angry essays which i sometimes intentionally leave on my desk when I leave the place for the day. The tendency of people to look into my on-going projects are obviously high since I am just next to the loo!! a place where people convene and starts bickering while passing out toxins.

that place in Cheras

And so, I've decided to make way for a better person who can fit the place next to the auspicious loo hall :)

I got a room eventually in this new place.. which is no longer new, considering that I have been faithfully serving the organisation for the past 3 years or more..

mess? no ler...

Heavily inspired to keep clean and tidy of my workstation after seeing what boss can do.. I tried.. but failed :)
I dunno why, but I am heavily inspired to work with a mess on the table top. It gives blood rush to try and finish up more task and get the table cleared. The staff have attempted to tidy up the desk every morning before I come in, but I do not see a point in doing it as it will eventually come back to the same choreograph of mess as i work thru it :)

Have been rotting in the room for a year before we suspect something amiss .. I wasnt making any sales!!! Directly it may be my fault.. indirectly I think its the spirit. I swear its the spirit!!

And so I vacated the room to have a spot with a strategic hill behind me back. But nothing changes the desk.. It's the same choreographed mess..

early 2008

June 2009

I don't think I will ever learn eh...

That desk behind the main desk

How many of you do get to have mobile partition which changes by season? :) I guess not many eh.. Well, that's the best part when you are in a creative industry..

Love my new wall hanging panel made of hand drawn batik.. for your viewing pleasure :)

as gorgeous as the lady who sits here