Yesterday I was someone. But I always thought that I am Suetha the Indian Classical Dancer. Then today I am Suhana. Day before I was Suet Mun. Welcome to my alter ego page..

Yours truly,
Suhana Suetha

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Ariana Grande in my dream

sometimes we wish
sometimes we ponder
about things that revolves around our life
mundane as it is
but never any easier than one may have thought

never tell a seamstress that its easy to sew
when you cannot tell the complexity of a pattern cut

sometimes i wish i am doing something with people who have the same passion and vision
because happiness is derived when you share the joy of seedlings

i have changed
i have changed so much it scares me
because i no longer correct what's right
all i care about is my 'tepi kain'
because all i want to do now is to attain freedom

i have changed
i don't feel me anymore
with no integrity
with no compassion
all i want is freedom
from this loose hell of blazing heat

i feel so negative
that my visions to sanity keep blurring my senses
i feel so angry
towards myself towards the surrounding
because i no longer sense the aroma of progress

sometimes i wish i am ariana grande
because all i wanna do is to sing it all out
in my pretty dresses and flawless makeup

Sunday, May 15, 2016

Going The Other Way

In a few months time. I will most probably be very consistent in updating my blog and also YourShoppingKaki.
Till today, I cannot imagine what will life be then after putting this decision to act. I am worried, while slightly positive that things we be okay.

I love my current job. Despite the challenges, the less than structured work-flow, the people who have so little passion towards developing to a greater organisation, but merely want a good take-home pay, I still love my job in a peculiar way. Yeah, I supposed I love the sensation of being under pressure and being in control and being part of the decision making process. I like the thought of having my decisons, opinions and feedback taken into consideration. OK, I am bossy. And I can afford to be one here... O.o

I think everyone can see it how I have been lacking this year.My thoughts too have changed and my motivation lost. In a lot of my previous post, anger is what seems to be cornering me. I failed to understand that sometimes we just cannot control what comes into a situation. And I guess i have failed to blend myself to eat up the outcvome for each situation. Yes, I cannot and I hate failing. I cannot eat the fact up that my thoughts are not taken into consideration just because somebody else have a higher title and I ought to eat the shit below them. It's very depressing. I don't know how some people deal with it. I just cannot bend myself down and eat the shit. It is like you are being sexually harassed and are forced to eat up the truth in order to stay put to your job.

I didn't get harassed or anything. In most cases, the harassment comes from me as I cannot tolerate the fact that I have to get things done in a stupid manner in order to COMPLY. So yeah, I could be an egoistic person. But I vouch to stand up for what's right and what's best for an organisation.

Over time, I have come on terms with going on with the flow. Doing whatever needed to survive and I think it's not bad a progress for someone with an ego harder than a rock. But all this have given me a very weak heart. I am losing passion at work. Because I am now like any other ladies in the neighbourhood who only wanted a pay cheque at the end of the month.

I lost my direction and I lost my drive and leadership. I am slowly becoming one who waits for lunch and later on clocking off time.

So yeah, I have made up my mind to end this.

People have been advising me not to take such abrupt decision as times are bad.
Except those who are very close to me  agrees to the fact that I can do a lot better on my own or that I deserve somewhere else who will appreciate my effort and skills.

There is no right or wrong to a decision. This I have come to term. I will just have to make the extra effort to make it right to my thoughts/

Wish me luck.

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Tougher Than A Wish

When I ponder deeper, seriously u were never in my mind. Because u don't deserve any form of respect. Come to think of it it's shameful that all that u have are bought, including that forced smirk from those around u. 

Everyday there's stories about you being a cockerel. Carrying your name up your nose, you are living up to your cockiness. Like a bird showered with alcohol, all you ever know is to make noise.
The kind of noise that even Donald Trump may defeat under your presidential ego. 

Looking at you doing your antics, there's a mix feeling - it feels like a fake tsunami over us. A very fucking fake but strong one that you have to do on purpose because that is just what you are good at. Zilch.
Every time you roar in your evil laugh, I close my eyes.
Telling myself it can't be true that such a fossilised specimen like u still exist. I secretly hope you disappear. 

I don't know what tomorrow will be but I think there will be no peace as long as u are here, seated in your grand china garnished with poisonous green.

I hope u have dengue. Deadly or not but at least a week without your radiation can help to minimise the cancer cell in everyone....

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

But What About Me

I was told by a colleague that for any matters that may arise and provoke some individuals to bark despite at the wrong tree, just keep quiet. As long as the barking one is happy, then let them be.

But what about me?
I am not happy at all.

If this is a fierce animal passing by and our lives are at stake, perhaps that's the best way to it.
But aren't we professionals in our job and everyone is hired to do theirt job regardless of hierarchy?

To most of their understanding, our aim is to please. Because we are paid employees.
Yes, I am a Paid employee. being paid to do my job, to excel in my job and hopefully sharpen my skills and eventually being able to bring me up the corporate ladder and of course contribute to the progress of an organisation - where I am being paid.
Not to stand by the side and see if others need a help to undress their panty just because they cannot go to the toilet unassisted (hypothetically)..

Just what about me and what I want in life too?
Besides trying to please others who are more keen to let the day dwindle and live the rest of their life sucking off with no proper skill?

I don't know.
I just cannot live to please people just so they can shut their mouth and provide some peace to the whole scene.

No, this is not the way.
This is not how an office run.

Just what about me?

Thursday, December 10, 2015

Have a Piece of My Cake please

I have a confession to make.
Yes, once in a while I do have a 5 figure commision
With a 4 figure salary only by the way

So what do you do with a sudden sum of money flooding in?
There's plan to upgrade to a new notebook
A new tablet
And new workdesk perhaps.

I haven't been doing a lot of decent deeds.
I won't term them good deeds.
Because I am not a very good person to begin with.
But I always believe there are things that you just need to share out.
Wealth especially.

I am not wealthy.
Not at all
But I would like to think that I will have enough to share out
For those in need
Really in need I mean.

Note: do you notice my full stops and non-fullstops.. I am very discreet

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