Those Little Things in Life

I love staring into nothingness
And have long thoughts on nothingness
I can't answer if asked what was in the mind
Because I just want to have that empty mind for the moment

I love staring into the pillow while sleeping on it
Despite how childish is the pillow pattern
And bring myself to emptiness
It's like a shoulder to lean on
To pour out all that needs to be disposed off
And you wake up leaving all the heavy thoughts with the pillow

I don't exactly love eating the same food 4 times a week
But neither do I hate eating the same food 4 times a week
Then I see some who may not be able to eat 4 times a week
So I really don't mind eating the same food 4 times a week
I feel you, I seriously do

I love to smile at stray cats
As if we knew each other
It's hard being stray
Sorry Kitty I can't bring you home
But I hope you could at least felt my sincere acceptance of you as a living creature
That I equally respect

I love sitting inside my room
It's seriously not the coziest place I have in mind
Absolutely not the cleanest room in the whole neighbourhood
I guess I liked to be left alone
Drifting in my own thoughts

Sometimes, many times I find myself at a corner
In a toilet, next to the bed, while doing my work
Crying like the world is running down on me
Not because I am mentally unstable
Or that I have been hurt
I am just tired
And I need to empty the thoughts in my mind
Sanity will eventually come back
And life goes on...

Happy Sunday :)

Today

A dream cost nothing. Hence I dream a lot. 

A decision requires action. Hence at times when my decision is not crucial, I opt to keep mum.

And continue dreaming..

And when dream does not come true, 

because of a bad decision made,

we make more reason to back up the decision made

This is a dream that did not come true.. haha!

A decision could be a solution

But a decision can also be a responsibility

Deciding on a solution can sometimes injects lots of hearth throbbing stress

But someone have got to make the first move

and see where will the move leads to

At everytime, every move, I always hope that it is the right move that I made

because I fear dejection, rejection and suppression ;(

someone gotta make some decision here!

So much have been going on this couple of months, and so many months have been going off my radar in a wisp.

It is tiring. Really tiring ;(

So tiring that I have left my camwhoring skills to rot!

Writing skills too deteriorate. I just realised I have totally forgotten about my TESL study O.o

Saturdays are so full I can't find time for yoga. My eyes is so heavy that I almost bang into a car the other day.

But I am not complaining. Yet. I think I can do better. I hope I have been better. because I want to be better!

I miss camwhore session!

It was the day when I got these batch of cushion cover with the word 'TODAY' that I have asked my girl to draw, did I realise how meaningful is TODAY! Just like how Sha-Lene always yaps at why TODAY is so signifiant to her and brings such deep meaning despite such a simple word.

It is Today that gives you the memory of yesterday and what you intend to do Today brings you rays of hope for a better tomorrow ;)

And TODAY, I shall follow the path I think is mine ;)

Where are you?!

I just had to!
It's been two days of no answer.
I tried to look in between cushions and underneath.
Have even resorted to looking at the laptop battery slot. Just in case if there is a chance for it to get stuck.
Went thru the wardrobe and the underwear drawers. just in case it slips off.
Failed to rummage the thrash can for the earlier 2 days. Rummaged today's one and nothing was to be seen!
Look under the corners or cupboards and tables.
Searched 5th time of the same bag just to make sure I didn't miss a touch.
Prayed in heart for the miracle to happen and for  it to appear.
Ransacked the pouches and pockets that I always carry around.

I's nowhere to be found ;(
It's like I have lost almost 1/8 of my life and 1/4 of my brain is revolving around finding it.
No, I don't think I have OCD.
I just hate losing things that I have grew fond of ;(

Come back my dear eyeliner!!!

Ettusais Liquid Eye Liner that works like magic!

So Little Time

Running out of time.
Insufficient time to update 4 blog sites, work on 4 fan page, a day job and a weekend job.

And yet, I would like to believe that I can still manage. I just need to sort it out in phases.

I have now gotten used to waking up at 6.50am, leaving home at 7.15am, reaching office at a mere 8.20am and slapping make up at 8.45am in the office. There isn't a single mirror in the office >.<
Reason being that they want to refrain ladies from being in the loo for too long fixing their tudungs and perform self-admiration rituals.
Gotten myself a mini mirror for god sake! Was asked to look into the reflection from the glass door if we sales people need to check out own sillhoutte before leaving for appointment. WTF.jpg...

So glad my HTC One-X comes with mirror feature for that instant vanity check!

Gotten around with botak to look at venues for 'his' the wedding. Define WEDDING - an occasion where couple who wish to be together in a more bonded manner shall bind themselves in a ceremoniously commercialised day of putting up a concert / show / sitcom / movie for a bunch of 200-300 pax of people (depending on their financial status) while not going to get anywhere near FAMOUS and giving away free smiles thanking relatives and friends to which they may not know of their surname. Or name. At all.

My initial concert hall. Well, if i have to, I might as well get one I liked right?

But this was fully booked despite our concert date which is next year.

Passion Road

Don't know what have gotten in my mind to even come to this joint. 

Most probably my concert will then be the talk of the relatives for another 15 more years to come. 

Fullhouse

xx Reject xx

The word ABALONE in a restaurant - I thought can give some atas feel to the concert.

But the chinese lady supervisor wasn't too impressed that I only wanted 15 tables or less. She looked almost regretted serving me Plain Water...

Decided not to go with this one which is at the Life Centre. I am kind. Considered those girls who may come in cab and may have problems leaving the premise after my concert ;)

xx Reject xx

Finally settled for another restaurant with a friendlier supervisor. In a venue that can't take up more than 15 tables anyway =D

I don't know if it's me or it hits every woman who is about to organise their concert of a lifetime, but I hate the thought of having to plan and create an event for some 150 guest of whom they most probably won't give a shit if I am getting married or not. Neither would I really care if they care about me getting married or not.

Fatty did so much work in his short trip back to KL, that he can memorise all the rates of restaurants and hotels in KL that can caters to such concerts. maybe he is just desperate to get married =P
I, on the other hand is pretty busy looking up on Asos sales. I need new work clothes!

The thoughts of having to go thru this particular day of dramatic acts terrifies me. Being a creative Cancerian with a flair for arts (ahem..) I cannot have weird people singing folk songs in my concert. I also refused to hold up glasses and cheers for my concert for 3 consecutive times. I can't seem to find the logic of changing dresses and walk around 10 tables to parade my Taobao wedding dress. Yes, Taobao. I am poor, and my dress is going to cost me RM200 bucks only, I think -_-

Urggh..... I guessed I need to contribute abit in being the event organiser as Fatty really wants to make it happen. I will do it when I have the time.. I actually started something. I made a list of my online friends who I am going to invite!

Glad to have some of the online acquaintances sponsoring me stuff - in effort and in material sponsor to make the concert an actual event. Anyone want to sponsor me and make this a more commercialised event? ;)

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my 2014 Jan 11 concert where it's all about sustainable, DIY and in a carnival =D

And yes, all of you in the picture are invited...

Money No More

This is what I have spent my money on for the past couple of week. Not one Jinafire, but I got Jinafire a few more friends too -_-

Gotten Frankie Stein (left) for RM79.90 and Laguna Blue (right) for Rm59.90

I seriously need to stop spending like a diva! Many a time I forgot how lucky am I to even be living life with more than the basics that I have in life. I have been lining up at the ATM for almost every alternate day! This is serious :(

This is the complete 3rd week at work. Down with ONE and only appointment and many more to go till I get a big one for the first quarter of the year. I don't know about any other profession, but doing sales is never as easy as anyone can think of.  In fact, it's as difficult as a perspiring surgeon. You can't just dig down to the core in a breeze. There is just so many layers to go through just to get to the core of the problem. In my case, the many obstacles to go thru just to get half a million out of some companies' funding ;(

Sometimes if I wonder my mum's constant swearing towards me will have any effect on me. Her constant nagging that I am not filial to her and that I treat her badly really does make me wonder, if I am really that bad? It really didn't make things any better when she swear that I will not do well at work Who is going to pay for the house and living if I fare badly at work madam?

I don't think my pissed gesture of wanting to leave when she expect the handphone sales people to pick all the 32 ringtone one by one in the loudest tone for her to choose as her ringtone of the newly purchased phone (I bought!) is over-reacting.

Anyway, I am going to let this go and hopefully, tomorrow I am at least 2.5% more filial than yesterday. Happy?

It has also come to my sane mind finally to really do something about my personal finance now. From now onwards, every single cents spent will be taken note into that 555 notebook without fail! Because I cannot justify why am I always left with a mere RM20 in my wallet ;(

A look into the stash of receipt in the purse didn't relieve much stress. I practically spent money on an Aldo heels, road tax and insurance for the car, 2 new tyres for the car (yes, punctured again!), a pretty expensive phone for myself, another phone for mum and a couple of Chatime session and expensive lunch in this goddammit business area. RM5.90 for a cup of green tea!! Talk about direct bankruptcy!

It is now 11.43pm on a hot Sunday night. Tomorrow, I shall do what a salesperson should do ; be thick faced and make more sales lead!! Better hope that those curses from mum won't work :/

a yoga stance a day to keep sane

Pose : Dhanurasan - not perfect ;(