RM20 note and some food

These are some of my much loved vinyls that I have beside my desk. It keeps me sane. 

Underneath both of them is a 20 ringgit note given to me to buy myself a cuppa coffee. 

3 months back, if the money comes onto my hand, I think I will not hesitate to walk over to the branded coffee store and get myself a cuppa for real.

 I stared at this piece of note for a moment.

20 ringgit

Can buy me a cuppa that cost me  for RM14 if I want delicious tasting one

Or RM9 for a cuppa so-so cappucino or latte.

20 ringgit 

Cannot buy me, the girl next to me, the girl in front of me and the girl 2 seats aways from me the same kinda coffee that I wanted from the branded store.

So I put it aside, to be safekept by my vinyls. Because, tomorrow will be Thursday and there will be a Buy1 Free 1 promo at Chatime =D

With that, all 4 of us can have a cup each =D

Happy!

Then there was this person in the same agency who came back with some food.

It was a big bag. No one was really hungry, but I guess there needs to be some diplomatic act once in a while to foster some relationship yada yada. With a luxury bag the cost of 4 clerks' wages and a big bag of food, she took out selectively for selected individual. I took no notice but there was some fumbling communication. And out of this group of 4 person, 2 were given food, another were given food too, and another did not get any. Guess who did not get any? *guess lah!* 

'I really did not mean to look at what was happening, and I guess we caught glances and there were no other choices but to hand out some for me too. This is just too embarrassing." so says the other one who were not mean to be part of the elite team who got handouts. LOL!

'Oh well, at least u got! I got nothing.' so I said.

It really isn't about the handout.

But from this I have learnt. I 

The old typical Chinese me from way back may behave in such manner too - having selective preference and distastefully show it to others for the mean of belittling people.

It would be so fun to look at the reaction of those who did not get to be in the 'selected peers'.

perhaps thats what's embedded in the mind of those who do such act.

Then I tried to recall how I treated Mirza and the rest of my batik team mates.

Wait! I just realised I have never practise such act. In return, I still have these girls contacting me after so many years, I guess I must have done a pretty good job.

Then I asked myself. Here I am, if I put myself in the position as someone from the receiving end but was the odd one out, what is this person expecting of my reaction?

I have no answer.

But at the end of this observation, I am pretty much relieved with how I handle  this and how this has affected me.

I pass this whole scene of with a smile of profoundness. That I am one step forward to becoming a leader. Despite a lot of my weakness. A miniscule step but slowly progressing.

I have realised how much a human person I am against these who have opted to not see beyond the ir shoulder of nepotism. 

And with this, I hope one day I will be able to gain respect from others despite my profanity. Because I choose to see each one as a human whom I will value equally, As long as I can afford.

I was always reminded that I am not there yet. That I am not on par. That I do not fit the corporate scheme. Because of my loudness, my profanity perhaps. 

And today I have just found someone who definitely does not fit in at all. As a leader, as a role model. Not me, sorry.

So I said to the girl who is a lil' disturbed, "It's OK, tomorrow's Chatime will be on me. Someone gave me RM20 and we can share!

'Nah nah nah!!! You say one ah!!!

Yup ;")

When You Die First

Eason says: micheal jackson die
Suet Mun says: he not my brother

Eason says: :D
Eason says: king of pop
Suet Mun says: also not my brother

And so that celebrity was dead.. Only now that he is officially dead, most of those people in Facebook took some initiative to go dig up some MJ video clip and keep jamming up FB news feed with that plastic man's videos, messages and pictures..

I don't get it. When your grandma pass away, why don't you post snippets of her life in youtube showcasing her making butter cookies for new year leh? Or when she makes nasi lemak to go and sell and pay you thru school.

When your Grandpa passes away too, why is there no pictures of him in his self made ciggie? And why is there no shout out of "Ah Kong!! I love you very much!!! I will put joss stick to your altar everyday!!"

And then Michael jackson dies.. half day earlier than another uncle... whom I suspected may have died ..

I saw him lie flat on the road..
Which makes me wonder sometimes.. how is it being determined when do we have our life taken away. Who determines it?

I saw that uncle lie flat at the side of the busy road... like this.. (while the damn radio keep playing MJ's songs)

Sigh... most probably his wife would not have known till after 3 more hours when she is notified by the hospital. And when she knows, most probably, she do not know what is there to do but to wail and wail..And when she wail, most probably there will be too much things in her mind ( who is goin to feed the family, what is she goona do without a husband, how is she goona survive for the next 10 more years, how can she bear looking at the tragically dead husband)

Then again, he may not have a wife. he may be a single uncle who may have worked as a carpenter, carving walk-in closets for you rich fashionista, installing air-conds for you rich brats, mending toilet bowls for you ignorant rich arse. Which means he have just ended his life without the privilege of having children to mourn his death and put flowers on his grave during the Ghost festival. Which also means that most probably his corpse would be lying for a couple of days in the mortuary till .. till.. I dont know, but I am sure those people in the mortuary have a way to handle it..

That torn pants, old combed cotton shirt.. Obviously he must have carved a lot of closets or built-in cabinets.. or mend a lot of toilet bowls.. but I don't think he have tasted or even know what is a spaghetti carbonara,caviar, or even the oh-so-nice tiramisu cake. A staple of mix-rice for lunch, ba ku teh for dinner and the occasional 50 cents butter cake packed in some oddly designed plastic taken during tea time at the local mamak.. is already a blessing, without much complain.

Why was he chosen to leave first? In a tragic way..? Could it be he have sinned in the past? Could it be that he have nothing much in life to look forward to, hence God think its better to end it? HOw does the theory of life and death dictates the what nots of a person's? How do God make one go first?

is this what the Lord do to end the life? finger-push him..

However he dies, anyone dying is sad .. except for the politician..it's even sadder when one who dies, just dies without having a real taste of the finer things in life....

yah, I get an enormous guilt arising when I am able to afford things that people cannot afford..I felt sad when I can go for the expensive Korean food whom the uncle carpenter can only assume how it taste. I felt bad when I can afford those stupid mix of cocktails drinks which most probably cost the equal amount of uncle carpenter's wage for a day.

I hope I can have all uncle carpenter to build me walk-in closets, mend my toilets and I would let them have a savour of the finer things in life..maybe not caviar, but at least a cabonara.. but i aint Donald Trump! Then I thought maybe I should also be humble and not spend the hard earned money on cabonara. After all, uncle carpenter never had any besides his daily staple of mix rice. but then that would mean I would die no knowing how a cabonara tase like!!

oh god!!! I am dumbfounded.. I am sorry you left in such manner. I hope I can be the Prime Minister so that i can make everyone of you wear clean clothes despite your profession, and feed you cabonara just so you know how it taste like, and give you a comfortable living so that you will not die in regret...

Till now I am still not able to understand why u have got to go first...but whoever you are, you deserve a mention just as how that black singer deserves his. After all u made someone's life brighter by making their gorgeous closet.. or planted some gold toilet bowls.. Im sorry, I do not know in exact what do you do..

In your next life I hope you get to drive a Mercedes and not a motorbike anymore.

Even if you still got to drive a motorbike, I hope you are a contented biker-uncle-carpenter who have tasted at least cabonara or kimchi.

Rest In Peace..

*the frequent mention of cabonara does not literally indicate writer have never tasted any before. She had. maybe..

Period rants

It's not a style of mine to write when I am depressed. I may write when I am aggravated, irritated, but never when my minds do not sync with my heart. I try to reason that maybe it's the time of the month when we human with labias have to go thru the whole PMS session. I try very much to rationalise and analyse every thought that come pouring into my mind.

Could it be that I may have been overly sensitive towards things that perhaps I should not? I tried de-sensitising .. but I couldn't find an answer to the question that have been lingering. Urrghhh!! i need my sleep!! There is early appointment tomorrow!! But I couldn't help myself to hammer down some utter nonsense.. merely to release some displeasure that have been making a murky pool of shit in my mind.

Kept telling myself its the time of the month!!! Did some womenly check to see if there is any persisting syndrome for the attack of the bloody sanitary week.. nope, still early.. Then why am I developing such discomfort at the thought of the whole scenario?

The last time the same thing happened was also during pre-bloody attack. My mind wanders. I develop thoughts that came pouring non stop.. I kept telling myself to get over it!!! Get over it!!! And I am still telling myself to get over it now!!!

HUman behaviour is hard to understand. now I understand why Facebook, Friendster and any of those networking sites have to list a long categories of selection for people to select, on their status, their relationship, their everything.. people simply are getting more complex in lightining speed.. Gender can be male, female, hemale, shemale. One sexual orientation diverted to mono, bi, hetero, tri, and maybe beta-sexual. Who knows..

One day people behave like they are the most sincere soul mother earth can produce. On another day, something must have wriggled up to their ass and they had a change of identity to another individual with bare resemblance to the one u know.. People around just do not know how to adapt!! I for sure have no idea do I adapt or not adapt?

I hate to have to use my thoughts on anything besides making money or WORK.. but this time around, i think I have used too much of that lil mind of mine... I don't really need people around me to tell me my acts are wrong and I should be able to stand up for something that I think is right for the sake of the human with labias!!!

I tried to defy the rights and follow the heart.. but then I got confused... could it be the sway of the heart or i may be simply dazed with a situation that I have never been placed upon... I could go on and on about this... after all I am aware i am uttering nonsense...



Sigh.. do i go ahead or not?