Pages

Yesterday I was someone. But I always thought that I am Suetha the Indian Classical Dancer. Then today I am Suhana. Day before I was Suet Mun. Welcome to my alter ego page..

Yours truly,
Suhana Suetha

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Why I Sleep Late



Mei
why can't you do it now? u got timing one meh?
Me
my restaurant running low on food
00:03Mei
yasalammmm
00:04Me
my salad keep spoling la
cus i kip forgetting :(
00:04Mei
then dont do 15mins dish la
my dish all 3 days
00:04Me
thats d problem
did one day dish
till now not cooked
bila nak makan ni
00:04Mei
got 8 hours
12 hours
4 hours soup
00:05Me
cus yesterday i checked my appointmah mah
im gonna b busy for whole of fri
so i cook all one day food
and left 2 stove open
00:05Mei
hahahaha
00:06Me
the 2 stove tu i wanna cook for contingency
but always got things coming up
so it get spoilt
00:06Mei
you know you can block your restaurant door so no one can come in
00:07Me
wat!!
00:07Mei
you can block customers until your brg all cook
00:07Me
i duno that wor
dammit
00:07Mei
so your points dont go down
00:07Me
cus i constructed 2 arch for my doors
00:07Mei
or take out the door
thats what we do last time
cook but take out the door
00:07Me
waste money buy door and sell
00:08Mei
dont sell
00:08Me
but mine is an opening
00:08Mei
just put back in storage la
00:08Me
i cant even seem to replace with another door
damn!
there's a storage?
00:08Mei
yes
just drag back into the archive
then you'll see a +1 next to the gambar
means your archive got 1 door
can pakai when youwant
00:09Me
ooh
i saw a +1 but i duno whr to access also
00:09Mei
you have to remove the door before you can put another door
yes

just drag back into the archive

then you'll see a +1 next to the gambar

means your archive got 1 door

can pakai when youwant

you have to remove the door before you can put another door
00:10Me
ooh some friends giving away dishes
i go collect first
00:10Mei
another tip is to turn your stove away from you
as in your avatar
the stove knob face YOU
00:11Me
wah that i duno too
meaning the stove front face the opposite?
00:11Mei
this way your avatar dont alway have to walk to the stove to cook and serve
yes
00:11Me
omg
why u all can know one!
00:11Mei
face you la... away from the restaurant
food is auto cooked and served when you click on them
avatar walk damn slow
i'm at the higest level dy la
deleted the game
bored
i even hacked the spice shelf
got it in one day
tak payah collect papan all
hahahaha
00:13Me
erm, no wonder u save a lot of money to buy gadget la
00:14Mei
i have hardcore player friends
00:14Me
u sounds like an underground game junkie
who never leave home
;/
00:17Mei
used to
i broke all levels in every game i played
i was the top ranking vampire and slayer of the world with 2 million players
00:18Me
omg
00:18Mei
no 1 sial
00:18Me
i cant possibly make u happy but maybe i can buy u meals
00:18Mei
first female to ever hold that spot
00:18Me
so u can get out of ur house?
00:19Mei
the developer of the game is now a friend of mine in FB
hahahaha
we actually have a group of "vampire" friends who till today are all damn good friends
00:19Me
ur avatar talks one ah?
00:20Mei
my "twin" is currently the no vampire
00:20Me
i tot hotel world only got avatar who visit others
00:20Mei
every game can visit what
its very odd how our group has this bond but its quite amazing
3 years now
00:21Me
FB is 3 yrs dy meh?
wah
i didnt know
maybe i do knonw
but i never do kip track
00:21Mei
FB 4 years dah

Friday, July 30, 2010

WHY PEOPLE CRY

Some people cry when their family members seen th lights at the other end of the tunnel.
Not necessarily because you can't live without them anymore. Maybe because you have merely grown accustomed to having their shadow of expression around you. The preach, the yelling, the constant nagging that you should not engage in any premarital sex and that you should always treat your grandma with the best manners.

You cry because you have decided to let go of a relationship.
Not because he is the best thing after the greatest man in the universe. But because you have grown accustomed to having someone whom you can have premarital sex without feeling guilty. And perhaps someone to send your car to the workshop when it requires servicing.

I cry because of work ;(
Which is a very stupid thing. Considering that it is not my own organisation that I am weeping for.
I cry not because I am so worried about not achieving sales target. Well, I do cry sometimes in regards to this..
I cry due to many other unfound reason. That when I sit in the office toilet and ponder, I do not know of an exact solid reason I cry.

Today I cried again. Because of office matter. I also finished a pack of cigarette. Don't know why that the sticks of Dunhill Lights feels extremely smooth today. It was a continuous cry. I cried while in the toilet. While on the phone with friends eagerly venting out my dissappointment. While I was talking to my customers too :(

I am very deeply saddened. Not because I do not get a portion of the company. Not because I did not get to go to Paris. Though I would so want to go.

But because I am confined in this doomed shell with a group of descend of the apes who have nothing in their skull but sponge. A dried sponge. Only today I realised how hard it is to teach a group of stray dog to not bark but to try and make them speak the human language. They keep Woofing and not Talking. This is most probably the 7394,399570,3848th attempt to bring 8 people to civilization.

It is very ironic. We used to hire people with CGPA of 3.5 and above. Now we have bohsias, pookimaks, tow truck operator doing this skillful art of batik. I do not underestimate the skills derived from these colonies. Despite the constant irregularity in color mixture. Despite their bad tjanting skills. Despite their awful analysis of motif placement. I went thru all these badly done produce by consuming more Dunhills before and after every session of convincing clients we have the best skills in town. Ironic. Very ironic..

I am never a friend to all people working with me. Those who work well, I take as good colleagues. Those who work but do not know the exact definition of work, I take as spirits roaming in the office. I hate fostering any sort of relation with who and whatsoever. But I always believe in imparting knowledge. And I think I am good with it, considering I have been a tutor for so many years.

Until the day when someone says, "No one ask Cynthia to come down and teach us also. She herself wanted to come and talk so much."

Then I learnt that I have imparted knowledge to the wrong side of the world. OMFG! What am I thinking? Did I not see all this while I am talking to some mules? My wrong. From that day onwards, I imparted myself with the most valuable knowledge - "watch your own ass and not share the gold from your ass with others" 


And so I cried. Not because no one wants to share my gold from the ass. Mir cried too. When she saw me cried. I do not know why she cried. I do not know why I cried too. I cried, she saw and she cried. And so we cried and stopped and decides to go for lunch. We did not talked about anything during the time of lunch. Waited for the currypuff and steamed red bean pau. Tasted horrible. Decided to leave and head back to office.


And I cried again. I tried to rationalise and find a reason why am I crying. Many. Many reason. I am devastated. I am in angst. I am stressed. But of what? I don't know. It left me awake the whole night. Thinking of why I cried. And I am still crying at the time of typing. 

I felt like a heartbroken  girlfriend who found out she was betrayed by the boyfriend with another bitch. Well, I have encountered such situation too when that boy from Muar left me. But it lasted 2 hours. He is not worth crying anyway. Bahh...

But it's different this time. It's like an automated cry. An instantenous cry. Of no control and reason. Wait. There is a reason. I am devastated. because a group of shallow minded pookimaks have decided to break this THING that I have helped in building. Maybe I did not build a lot. But I am sure I have built enough in one way or another to be at where we are now. I am saddened with the fact that pookimaks never really do have the same vision as the few of us who stayed back after work and try to dig the rubbish bin to gather recycled paper. One of us even suggested selling the old newspaper (of less than a meter height in collective) as a measure to cut cost and gain a lil bit of extra earning for the company's petty cash. Not a very ambitious idea obviously. But still a noble one.

I am really saddened to have to think that if we do not win this battle of emotion and rights, we will never be able to prove that every single piece of recycled paper we saved is a penny saved for the organisation. That every hours we stayed back without asking for compensation is a task we so willingly do for the organisation.  I can never imagine losing to beings that looked like human but are made of blended  cow brains and infested vaginas.

Today the victim of situation told me how she was appreciative that I listened to her and I cried  before she even finished her tormenting story. As it shows that I felt her sentiment. Which leads me to cry. Which leads Mir to cry too. Dammit. Why did I not think of that?

Yes, I cried because I know how it felt to deal with morons. With people who keep saying the sky is pink because they farted and did not realise they are wearing a pink shades. Despite you telling them to take of their pink shades.

I cried because I am not able to carefully segmentise my emotion with skills of managing people. In the terms of management, I think I have undergone an emotional collapse. I don't know. I made that term up actually.

I do not know why Mir cried when I cried. But she texted me saying she hates to see me cry. We are not lesbian. It is then that I know we are on the same ship. Of emotional suffering having to be surrounded by morons who refuses to accept that they sky is blue and not pink.

Today.. I think we may have won rationally. It wasn't hard. Considering that blended cow brains can't really produces solid points on why the sky is pink. But it ain't an easy winning. Because tomorrow our car may be hammered at the sides. I would like to think that is the only solid effect blended cow brains are able to produce. They kick hard.

It isn't an entirely a winning that would make us walk with ego. We hope to have won some understanding that they sky is in fact blue. Once you have realised that you are strapped on to your Hello Kitty pink shades, u moron!

But that aside, I have realised now the cry is a symbolic gesture of the unity we have within us. Just that we try not to show. It ain't cool to show that you are emotionally weak by shedding tears. But now I know, it ain't not a symbol of weakness. It's our passion in work that we have fostered during our journey in this humble lil studio...

Tonite, I can sleep. Let's just hope no one bashes my car come tomorrow.









Friday, July 23, 2010

How to Locate Me



I don't really know of any other Suhana who dabbles in porn or nudity, but this is not a very good sign.
My alter ego seems to be of a porn star who loves nudity and have one heck of an awesome boobs which people would take effort to google -__-



Tuesday, July 20, 2010

That Wesak Post

I did nothing the nite before and nothing too on the day of Wesak.
In fact, it never occured to me Wesak is for people who are Buddhist. I thnk I got it jumbled up with the event where people go climb Batu Caves. That's Thaipusam. Either one, I know set birds for free. And that is how far my knowledge is. As a Buddhist.

Wait..

I am not even sure if I am a Buddhist. I could be a Taoist. Or does a Buddhist practises Taoist method of living? If so, is Taoism a religion? Or a practise? Seriously, I have no idea. But for sure it's rare to see people filling in forms declaring they are Taoist. Everyone is a Buddhist. Or they seem to be.
I have no idea why does the crowd of people of all ages actually walk behind the procession during Wesak. people say it's to pay respect and to celebrate the day? the Buddha? I am again not sure. but I know these people are munching on titbits, talking to each other and stealing glances to check out hot aunties, babes and hunks around once in a while.

If it's a Flora fest, people who follow behind the procession trucks are normally mascots. But during a religious procession, we have people of all ages and behavioural acts. I did not feel a slight of excitement or dissapointment either when I have to slow my car down to make way for them. I have a sense of nothingness. Seeing people walking behind the truck with a Buddha statue brightly lit with neon lights. For a second or two, it did zap across my mind that I am not a very good practitioner of religion. Yeah, in fact, I don't practise.

Wait. Maybe I do.

Every morning before I leave to work I will lit a joss stick or two to the Goddess of Mercy and the ancestor altar. Not forgiving to ask a favour to ensure I have sales for the day.

Sometimes I feel bad. It seems as though my purpose of even litting a joss-stick would be to ask for miraculous sales figure to drop from the sky and shower me with extravagant hopes of being free financially.
Once in a while when I see crowds of people litting joss-sticks and getitng hyped out in religious events, I do ask myself; Have I sinned? If I do, in what way? I did scratched a few cars, have bad thoughts and yelled at people, and sometimes mom too (she's irritating)


Have I been a good practitioner of what I regards as a religion in me? After all, I have a thought of installing a stripper pole in front of the altar table..because that is the only location that can fit the 8 feet pole.


THIS girl literally, practically, physically, mentally dreamt of gurus in her religion. And mom sometimes do manage to dream of 4 digits that she can buy lottery on and hope to strike the jackpot. It's been a while since I ever had any dreams.Yeah, I don't even have leeway for dreams. The most memorable dream I ever had would be the time when I was hit by a giant mouse (not the rodent) while doing my sales report.
And so... yeah, I do feel empty. Sometimes. Not because of the lack of sexual desire. Mostly due to work and empty being a person..


I don't know what it takes to make a fuller life. And is it even necessary? If making one to pray to attain the liberation to go to Heaven, then I may not want to do so. Because I haven't seen what's in there for me in Heaven. 


Oh, it never occured to me to be a keen participant of being deeply religious just so I can go to heaven while I pen this down. The more I write the more I felt that having a religion isn't so much of having a tool to ensure nirvana. It's more of a segregation of people to a cluster of their own. So that they have a topic to debate and start hating each other. 


Ok, not fair for me to generalise in such manner. After all, I hate human kind. Hence my definition to life is sometimes much more different from a normal being.


I do know, in my sane mind that people follows a certain religion because they feel at peace with the teachings, and are liberated in a way  that only they themself can tell. 


But I don't know about myself. I hate protocols. I am not very consistent in saying out prayers (if I need to), litting joss stick (if I have to), chanting out mantras (if I even know). 


Maybe one day, when I lost everything, then I will have all the time to ponder and turn to god again.


That is if God doesn't hate me like what mom keep saying...







Sunday, July 11, 2010

Of Babies, Weddings and Monies

Mom pleaded to share the angpau money for a wedding that we are to attend this Saturday =__=
If only she tell me that by paying RM200, I can be exempted from attending I would have gladly pay up RM235 to not be present. The extra RM35 for her to take cab to attend on her own.


Knowing it's a family affair, and knowing that I have a bad records among relatives that I am rebellious and a useless daughter (despite having a younger brother doing drugs), my absence would only increase my reputation as being the black sheep of the family. Most probably as a mom abuser.


And it is with all this that I have nothing in mind but to plan on what to do when I attend a wedding dinner.


I have a few choices. To bring books to read. I am thinking of Bill Rancic, Zig Ziglar or the Top 100 Businesses That Work. I am also thinking that maybe I can bring my design work to do. In no way am I trying to appeal to the market that I have a glamourous job scope. But what can be better to kill time if not sepnding halfan hour or so just to colour thee base of a batik shirt?


I have attended the wedding. With Top 100 Businesses That Work.

Yup, that was last week. Where for ONCE in my life I turned to jockey parking for real. Wait. I always do have jockey parking when I goes to club. I am a diva after all =P
The first time for a wedding event, I mean. Does it matter? Nah.... My point is... I don't know how many more jockey services I can afford. In future.

Sunday always leave me with room of thoughts. Rooms of worries.

I really wanted to build a studio at home. By the saying of 'build' doesn't necessarily mean that I will be investing into renovation. I just need to create that space where I can turn to for a lil' bit of artistic venture to segregate my depression towards work and life.

drawing

and more drawing perhaps

Now I am quite certain I will not be able to go up the corporate world. I am already feeling lethargic with what I am doing now. I hate reporting and forecasting and constant usage of MS Excel. It creates a procrastinator in me. I can't imagine what will I turn into if I really do got myself into an organisation that feeds on MS Excel.

 I am also beginning to shun the outside world. I no longer fancy going out anymore. OMG! What's gonna happen to all those fantastic clothes that I have bought? It's so tiring to see people and talk and smile and attempt to laugh. And it's even tiring to try to even strike up a conversation.

That explains why I hate attending wedding dinners so much. There are so many people in a hall! And you can't pretend that you are invisible and are forced to smile all the time to compliment the dress that you are wearing and also the mood of the occasion. Urghh!! Especially at my age now - a whopping 31, people are hurriedly trying to get themselves married off. And here I am pretty contented sipping sangrias and eating tapas.

A girlfriend called me the other day to ask to accompany her to the MCA's Cupid Club as she wanted to register for a matchmaking session ;) Reason? She is turning 31 and still single and the family is pestering. Guess what.. She got rejected. In a way, she was NOT QUALIFIED. because she have a degree and she is only 31 years old. Ahahahahahah!

For whatever reason, she said in the terms and conditions of participation, a woman with a Bachelor's Degree are only eligible to sign up for matchmaking or whatever session they call it when they reach 37 years old! Of course, if you only have a Diploma or a Certicate, and are still single and searching in desperation at the age or 30 or 31, then you are elligibe to join the elites there in finding your soulmate! ahahahahahhaah!!! Stupid.

Anyway, girl friend have decided to moot the idea off her intelligent brain. By 37, according to her, most probably her ovaries are dehydrated and lacks virility and most probably have very low output per capacity and getting into a relationship to bear fruits of the future might just be hopeful as drying out raisins in the backyard during rainy season.

I don't know why it has never crossed my mind that I want to go to a matchmaker's club to get guys. As it is, I can't get any guys just by sipping sangrias in diners. I failed to in catching any men at work. Most are gays or in a lesbianary position anyway. I can't get men at clubs too. Maybe I can. But I never bother. Most of them look elsewhere but your face.

The last time a guy looked at my face and says I am pretty was most probably last week. At the ATM machine in BSC, where he failed to get money from the ATM. That Mat Salleh was yapping about how he got no money to go drink in La Bodega and I am pretty and how the Porsche on display on the consourse is worth a buy. WTF... Mr Mat Salleh, I ain't gonna borrow you any money despite your compliments lor...

Point is, I don't get it why I don't fancy getting into that phase of life. I can't give an answer myself too. It seems like a total turn off in life. The last man I've met in life, refused to pay for RM17 chicken rice meal. Isn't that itself a total turn off? After that life lesson, I think it has totally given me a new perspective of men. I suppose not all men are like that! But one sour 'asam' is enough to hinder you from trying to take a pick at another..

The greatest chocolate cake ever from Cava! I don't know what it is called. I called it the 25 minutes choco cake. Yeah, you can order on the spot and it takes 25 mins to complete.

Maybe mom is right. I am a pessimist. A hater of all things lovey. I am like Schroeder of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I live under the drainage and cannot see the sunshine in life and only hope for the worst in humankind.

I can't believe I have spent 80,000 Cafe money to renovate my Datin's Joint in Cafe World Facebook ( yah, I play games too!) and have reduced the amount of people coming to my cafe! And while waiting for food to cook, I am deleting feeds of album updates from contacts who is flaunting their babies and children. \

Sunday is getting more depressing!!! I really need to start drafting out something for my coming humble lil home studio.

Now that I know that GOD hates me (mom say so), and with that small little amount of savings that I have, I always wonder what will I do when one day I am asked to leave my job.

I can't cook. I hate babies. I hate human beings too..
I don't know.
I just do not know..

On Sustainability

Date : 6 July 2010
Event : Sime Darby Lecture Series
Venue : Sime Darby Convention Centre
Topic of the Day : Securing Tomorrow's World - Using Nature's Wealth More Sustainably

Great back drop, great lobby center piece, great table setting, great food.
I love the idea of constructing a giant stage backdrop made of constructional waste, mainly planks of all ages, doors of all kinds, and windows of all sorts to signify re-using of  waste materials (sustainability) and doors of oppurtunity that human kind can pursue in creating a balanced platform in both economy and environment. How brilliant!

There's pandan leaves as contemporary artistic decor, ginger on pots, betelnuts on ostrich egss and such. Love it! 

And I left home in awe with these -

Can you guess what fruits are these?

Yay! Now I can save up on Vitamin E purchase for at least another 20 days! (Yah, there's 10 capsules each in that small container) ;)

From Everywhere eh?

free counters

Only SO Many of U