Yesterday I was someone. But I always thought that I am Suetha the Indian Classical Dancer. Then today I am Suhana. Day before I was Suet Mun. Welcome to my alter ego page..

Yours truly,
Suhana Suetha

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Of Babies, Weddings and Monies

Mom pleaded to share the angpau money for a wedding that we are to attend this Saturday =__=
If only she tell me that by paying RM200, I can be exempted from attending I would have gladly pay up RM235 to not be present. The extra RM35 for her to take cab to attend on her own.

Knowing it's a family affair, and knowing that I have a bad records among relatives that I am rebellious and a useless daughter (despite having a younger brother doing drugs), my absence would only increase my reputation as being the black sheep of the family. Most probably as a mom abuser.

And it is with all this that I have nothing in mind but to plan on what to do when I attend a wedding dinner.

I have a few choices. To bring books to read. I am thinking of Bill Rancic, Zig Ziglar or the Top 100 Businesses That Work. I am also thinking that maybe I can bring my design work to do. In no way am I trying to appeal to the market that I have a glamourous job scope. But what can be better to kill time if not sepnding halfan hour or so just to colour thee base of a batik shirt?

I have attended the wedding. With Top 100 Businesses That Work.

Yup, that was last week. Where for ONCE in my life I turned to jockey parking for real. Wait. I always do have jockey parking when I goes to club. I am a diva after all =P
The first time for a wedding event, I mean. Does it matter? Nah.... My point is... I don't know how many more jockey services I can afford. In future.

Sunday always leave me with room of thoughts. Rooms of worries.

I really wanted to build a studio at home. By the saying of 'build' doesn't necessarily mean that I will be investing into renovation. I just need to create that space where I can turn to for a lil' bit of artistic venture to segregate my depression towards work and life.


and more drawing perhaps

Now I am quite certain I will not be able to go up the corporate world. I am already feeling lethargic with what I am doing now. I hate reporting and forecasting and constant usage of MS Excel. It creates a procrastinator in me. I can't imagine what will I turn into if I really do got myself into an organisation that feeds on MS Excel.

 I am also beginning to shun the outside world. I no longer fancy going out anymore. OMG! What's gonna happen to all those fantastic clothes that I have bought? It's so tiring to see people and talk and smile and attempt to laugh. And it's even tiring to try to even strike up a conversation.

That explains why I hate attending wedding dinners so much. There are so many people in a hall! And you can't pretend that you are invisible and are forced to smile all the time to compliment the dress that you are wearing and also the mood of the occasion. Urghh!! Especially at my age now - a whopping 31, people are hurriedly trying to get themselves married off. And here I am pretty contented sipping sangrias and eating tapas.

A girlfriend called me the other day to ask to accompany her to the MCA's Cupid Club as she wanted to register for a matchmaking session ;) Reason? She is turning 31 and still single and the family is pestering. Guess what.. She got rejected. In a way, she was NOT QUALIFIED. because she have a degree and she is only 31 years old. Ahahahahahah!

For whatever reason, she said in the terms and conditions of participation, a woman with a Bachelor's Degree are only eligible to sign up for matchmaking or whatever session they call it when they reach 37 years old! Of course, if you only have a Diploma or a Certicate, and are still single and searching in desperation at the age or 30 or 31, then you are elligibe to join the elites there in finding your soulmate! ahahahahahhaah!!! Stupid.

Anyway, girl friend have decided to moot the idea off her intelligent brain. By 37, according to her, most probably her ovaries are dehydrated and lacks virility and most probably have very low output per capacity and getting into a relationship to bear fruits of the future might just be hopeful as drying out raisins in the backyard during rainy season.

I don't know why it has never crossed my mind that I want to go to a matchmaker's club to get guys. As it is, I can't get any guys just by sipping sangrias in diners. I failed to in catching any men at work. Most are gays or in a lesbianary position anyway. I can't get men at clubs too. Maybe I can. But I never bother. Most of them look elsewhere but your face.

The last time a guy looked at my face and says I am pretty was most probably last week. At the ATM machine in BSC, where he failed to get money from the ATM. That Mat Salleh was yapping about how he got no money to go drink in La Bodega and I am pretty and how the Porsche on display on the consourse is worth a buy. WTF... Mr Mat Salleh, I ain't gonna borrow you any money despite your compliments lor...

Point is, I don't get it why I don't fancy getting into that phase of life. I can't give an answer myself too. It seems like a total turn off in life. The last man I've met in life, refused to pay for RM17 chicken rice meal. Isn't that itself a total turn off? After that life lesson, I think it has totally given me a new perspective of men. I suppose not all men are like that! But one sour 'asam' is enough to hinder you from trying to take a pick at another..

The greatest chocolate cake ever from Cava! I don't know what it is called. I called it the 25 minutes choco cake. Yeah, you can order on the spot and it takes 25 mins to complete.

Maybe mom is right. I am a pessimist. A hater of all things lovey. I am like Schroeder of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I live under the drainage and cannot see the sunshine in life and only hope for the worst in humankind.

I can't believe I have spent 80,000 Cafe money to renovate my Datin's Joint in Cafe World Facebook ( yah, I play games too!) and have reduced the amount of people coming to my cafe! And while waiting for food to cook, I am deleting feeds of album updates from contacts who is flaunting their babies and children. \

Sunday is getting more depressing!!! I really need to start drafting out something for my coming humble lil home studio.

Now that I know that GOD hates me (mom say so), and with that small little amount of savings that I have, I always wonder what will I do when one day I am asked to leave my job.

I can't cook. I hate babies. I hate human beings too..
I don't know.
I just do not know..

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