Small Worm Big Sea

I can't bring myself to wrap up the year. I don't think I have that much of an achievement, enough to wrap it up and end it with a big red bow.

Now that the world did not shatter in front of our eyes, I am actually worried about what's going to be in front. 

Have you ever wondered how would it be if you are left on your own to fend for your own life? Having to lose your loved ones and those closer to you.

Does each of us human need a pillar of strength?

Do people actually suffer from emotional battle just by having themselves feigning each day on their own?

I have too much concern.

I have too many question.

I don't know just how much time am I left with.

I think not too much though.

Spent so much time on doing nothing solid today at work. 

I rephrase.

I spent too much time this past 2 days at work doing almost nothing.

I guess there isn't much to life except to being alive...

Like a big blue ocean of nothingness..

Inspired from Nefera de Nile of MonsterHigh

Pictures are just lame fillers.

Today.. suddenly the social media platform just doesn't appeal anymore.

I think I am letting go of the white lace dress that I initially wanted to use for a meaningful day.

There really isn't a point to keep a white lace dress for another 2 more years only to see that it has changed to creamy yellow tone.

2 years seems like forever. 

I don't even know if mum will be alive by then.

I don't even know if I will be in one piece by then.

It's too long. Just too long to try holding on to something.

Like waiting for the worm to float up the big blue ocean....

Oi, U Poked Me

Not your ordinary kinda wear. Unless Lady Gaga is your middle name.

But I would like to assume none of us is ordinary. They said, everyone is special - in your own way. You can pretend you are special. Sometimes the thoughts do count. I call it syiok-sendiri. 

Safi Beauty Cream

Ever since I have discovered the cheaper alternative to this 'SP Cream' from Wangi, I have never stop trying the different types available in the drugstore. I first started with the Safi Balqis Perfect 10 valued at RM7.90 with a 10% discount from Watson.

Of all that I have tried this is the best so far.

Safi Balqis Perfect 10 Beauty Cream

During those period of using the first tub of Perfect 10.

It really does give a fairer and more even complexion. It works great as a base before the application of foundation or in my case, BB Cream. One small tub last for more than 3 months based on my daily application =D  Super economy!

As I finished the first bottle, I thought of trying other range, thinking that maybe a GOLD one would give me the suppleness. I got the Safi Rania Gold @RM10.90 (if not mistaken) but with discount as usual, if yo buy from the pharmacy ;)

Don't like the texture for this Gold version. Super sticky and oily. A few friends started to follow suit after seeing me yapping about the goodness of beauty cream. 2 of them bought the gold version one. One can't take the greasiness and have breakouts after that. The other one is loving it on her slightly dry skin. 

I guess now you know. Beauty cream doesn't really have an indication whether its for oily or dry skin. It is after all for general beauty, like that ever famous Hazeline Snow cream that god knows whatever it is for =D

Later on I was tempted to try different ones since the Gold doesn't really suit me. So I got the Safi Beauy Cream with the green cap - that claims to have 'lidah buaya'. As this is not a proper beauty review, I won't bother to explain what's lidah buaya =D

The green cap one was OK. Better than gold but not as good as the blue cap Perfect 10. As I am using as a make up base, so there isn't much to comment about. As long as its non greasy then I am fine. but I do nothing that it's hard to spread the cream on evenly. Which could be due to the fact that the skin is not fully hydrated. Most of the time I am in a rush, so all beauty stuff would have to seep in FAST!! As I slap on fast too, without ample time for it to sit in. Which may result in unevenness when slapping on the cream and warming it over the face. 

I noticed in the pharmacy that the stock for a particular Safi beauty cream is always low in stock - the yellow cap one. With some different ingredients but I forgot >.<

Hence I purchased that too when I finally spotted only one more tub left.

It's almost the same as the green cap one in terms of stickiness and evenness when warming onto  face. 

It's slightly easier to slather on. Perhaps this time I make sure that other moisturiser and what not have settled in before slapping on more  stuff. 

When any of these cream are warmed up nicely on the skin by gently pressing your hands onto the face, it pretty much gives you a smoother platform to put on your foundation or BB cream.

I am not very certain on how the cream have benefited me much. After all it is only a mere RM7 per tub. but I think in general it has slightly corrected my uneven skin tone very lightly in the long run. And true to what my Malay girlfriend who uses it since high school to prevent pimples, in a way I did notice the lessening of pimples popping out.

This is definitely going to be in my beauty list for all time.

And who says locally produced goods are no good?  O.o

Before the beauty cream was made known to me

Now that I have used the Safi range of Beauty Cream

No longer a matter that matter anymore

It was just last week when i so wanted to get a new high tech phone for many reasons i can justify at that time.

It was also last week that I have decided that I wanted to splurge a couple of hundred in getting collagen drinks - those magic potion that claims to bring me back youthfulness.

And the many past weeks that I have been spending my hard earned money on dresses and pretty lil stuff. That I most probably wouldn't make use of.
Perhaps this is just so abnormal, coming from one who cannot resist temptation.

In my life, I have scratched some cars out of angst.
Stole some fruits and food out of greed.
Threw other people's belonging out of angst. Again.
Cursed a tremendous amount of time out of angst. Again!

When I look at my collection of shoes, I guessed I shouldn't be tempted to buy any more as there are many others out there who have to wear torn shoes to school.

I looked at the 5 beauty boxes subscription that I have either subscribed to or was sponsored. Each one cost at least RM30-RM60. I intend to get another. Then I realised that many others uses off -the- counter RM5 facial foam and not even hand lotion, moisturiser and whatever serum. I supposed I don't need another beauty box subscription. As I have more than enough products compared to many others.

I splurged RM190 on 2 corset - some outfit that cannot even be worn when you are out to work, or at home, or for a casual eat out in some seafood restaurant. All because I cannot resist the temptation and peer pressure.
Only to go home and realise, with RM190, I could send my mum to the dentist and have at least 2 tooth rectified at least? And RM190 could well be a week salary of some dishwasher, despatch rider, or some roti canai dough maker. And now, I get to admire some boudoir based corset in the confinement of my room while mum have to choose her food since she can't chew as strong with her weak tooth, despatch rider eating a RM2 rice wth lots of rice and only gravy. And roti canai dough maker, eating left over roti canai for the day ;(

Then I wanted a great wedding! One by the side of the beach, or done in an open garden style.
With handmade trinkets as gifts, and a photobooth for snapping away, and a big wall banner - for camwhoring again! Then I see that fatty is working 7 days a week. Waking up at 6.30am and reaching home only 9pm. Not with the full intention to fund the wedding. But cus there is a workload waiting for him every day since some new projects started. But then it triggers me again. All the hard work an effort to go into a wall back drop? And to host tables and tables of people who most probably have been bitching about me and my family.

Today, alot of things doesn't seem to matter anymore. I guessed I have spent too much time on wishing upon a gigantic star and have forgotten to be back on the ground sometimes.
Today, I have rooted myself back to the humble ground, I would like to assume.

And today, if you think that it's a new beginning to a new you and that you can live a more fulfilling day than yesterday, then Merry X'mas to you!

If you are still in the same shit hole, oh well, you still deserve a breather.. Happy Merry X'mas la!

Mmm

It's 3am now.
I am hungry, cold and looking at my credit card debt, my old phone and my face.
Yes, my face.
Phone is so old and in such bad shape that I am not sure if its ok for me to pass it to my boss to answer calls from suppliers.
There is no hell way am i going to clear the credit card debt. Well, maybe i could use my savings to do so, and be left with none again after clearing all debts.
Almost bought rm209 worth if collagen drink today. I aint getting young and i can foresee it wont be easy to convince people that i am young and vibrant despite the big numbers in my age.

Nothing happened today. Still using the same old phone.
Didnt get any collagen drinks.
As hungry as always.
And have never stop being broke.

Next week am gonna take up some part time job offer. Tomorrow am gonna look into increasing adverts.

Money - i hate u

In The Centre again...

December is a month of picture taking. Not talking about standing under some X'mas grand decor in some highly publicised mall taking picture kinda picture taking.
As long as you get stuck with Sha-Lene, you get pictures taken. That kinda picture.

I am proud to have own these freaking higher-than-heaven 6-7-8 inches heels ;)

Color-blocking suede pink/black Heels - The Agape Boutique

Blue Glitter Heels - The Fashion Barrage

Black Suede Heels - The Agape Boutique

Short legs - yours truly

Assortment of leggings - Aishop

I am a distorted UK12 to UK14 and sometimes I can even do a fake UK10.
At all time I envision myself in either nothing or in the tightest of bodycon dresses.
Maybe God is fair. He didn't give me that UK8-10 body that I have always wanted. Else, I won't be sitting here, in my dirty damn room, on a Saturday afternoon with nothing much to do but to write crap.
If I am a UK8 ;
- I would be out FLIRTING. I am still a flirter now, juts not as bold.
- I would be out bra-less. (wait, this has got nothing to do with size of body, but size of boobs only)
- I would be doing a boudoir shoot in nothing or in some lil' g string bikini
- I would have to work damn alot harder than now to finance my fashion addiction cus then I will need lots of dresses and accessories and make up.

Now that I am still HERE, in a state of being nowhere and maybe sometimes people call it 'in-the'middle' of the thin people and the plus size people, I am left.... UNDEFINED.. wtf
It's like being some under-developed woman with no direction in life. Shall I go thin? Shall I go big? But seems like I ain't getting anywhere but in between liddat...
It's so easy to go big - just gotta laze  more and eat more, but seriously, given a choice,
It takes a lot of determination to go thin or let's call it healthy normal size (not to say the rest are abnormal) , because it means no more food at night? Cannot snack? Cannot accept free food at anytime of the day? Spend time on working out like a cow? As if working hard in office is not enough to torture that little of life left.

At this point of writing, it seems to go nowhere.. but stuck in the centre again... phuckkk..

Now that I am still a UK12 ;
- I still buy lots of bodycon dresses (can't help it, a born bitch who need to flaunt)
- I still think I look hot and awesome like that..
- I still camwhore like a fashionista
- I am working equally hard to finance my fashion and beauty addiction ( erm.. like so irrelevant..)


Wah.. this post is getting nowhere ..
I guess I gotta suck it up and still live like a UK12 that I am lor... just hotter and better version only ;)

All attire from Aishop

bwwaarrrr!!!!  check the thick waist ;(

All attire from Aishop except for my Asos Aztec bodysuit  >.<

great heels, fat thigh, bloated tummy - but still hot

great heels, short legs, bloated tummy - but still hot

great heels, fat chin, bloated tummy - but still hot

ala Hongkie 'bery-good-job-done' ending to the shoot with the Aishop team

Corset Me

If I am a UK8, corset would be a daily staple and worn with the shortest of shorts or mini skinny skirt >.<

But because I am a UK12 and not very sociable, corset would be my fetish collection to showcase during camwhore session - in my small lil damn messy room.

And so, with a mind that turn insane looking at these super sexy-I-wish-I-can-pop-half-a-boob-out corset, I was RM200 ringgit poorer. Could have feed a small village with bubur lambuk or bubur kosong with RM200 ;(

The  best picture captured for December 2012 

That Choice

I had a choice.
To go to the kopitiam downstairs and get lunch fixed for a mere RM7.
But I think I will settle for the left over of food in the fridge - soggy briyani and even more soggy pickled cucumber. There's some sausages in the freezer to pop into the briyani too.

I found an umbrella under the blanket just as I was puling the blanket to sleep.
I woke up with this irritating vibrating noise from my back. The old phone was furiously in alarm mode, snuggling directly on my back bone. I wonder if I had enough radiation for the night.

There's a cup - with some water left in it. I spotted the cup past 2 weeks. or could it be 3 weeks?
On my work table, next to a box of makeup brushes, in front of an empty tissue box and besides an empty yogurt bottle, sitting on top of a stack of post office bills. There's still water in it. I though hydration normally takes place in such condition. No?


Some vendor is sponsoring me this. Because I enquired to purchase. Sheer luck.
Always wanted a pet. I guess a synthetic leather one would be great. Doesn't poo, doesn't cringe. Most probably would end up snuggly directly on my spine.

Pussy  Cat Clutch

Got Michelle this for RM1.90. For reasons unknown. Just thought it's a pretty thing to be valued at RM1.90 and you see some loose-cracks selling it for RM25 somwhere else. It's cheap, X'mas is near, oh well.. 

I am a bad friend. because she got me a laptop table and more stuff which I have to multiply with RM1.90 for many many times... I vow to be a better person and hopefully I be able to serve the entire nation. soon...

Some art studio is sponsoring me this too. No. I am not Jasmine and Adam is not my guy. I mean this kinda doodle / caricature. I think I am gonna keep this and later blow it up to A0 size as a wedding picture that people put up in front of their bed - in case I seriously can't afford any wedding portraits. And in case I DO get married. Project thrifty mode..

Doodling services from Black Milk Studio

It's a Sunday noon already. And those work files is still in the weaved bag. I don't know. I just do't know just how many hours a day do I need. I seriously thought I managed my time, life and everything well.

And I gotta leave for another review session incouple of hours - for reasons I have yet to know. Let it be fame, if it must. 

The soggy briyani just turned soggier after steaming it, with 3 sausages on top. 

I hope I don't get diarrhea..