No longer a matter that matter anymore

It was just last week when i so wanted to get a new high tech phone for many reasons i can justify at that time.

It was also last week that I have decided that I wanted to splurge a couple of hundred in getting collagen drinks - those magic potion that claims to bring me back youthfulness.

And the many past weeks that I have been spending my hard earned money on dresses and pretty lil stuff. That I most probably wouldn't make use of.
Perhaps this is just so abnormal, coming from one who cannot resist temptation.

In my life, I have scratched some cars out of angst.
Stole some fruits and food out of greed.
Threw other people's belonging out of angst. Again.
Cursed a tremendous amount of time out of angst. Again!

When I look at my collection of shoes, I guessed I shouldn't be tempted to buy any more as there are many others out there who have to wear torn shoes to school.

I looked at the 5 beauty boxes subscription that I have either subscribed to or was sponsored. Each one cost at least RM30-RM60. I intend to get another. Then I realised that many others uses off -the- counter RM5 facial foam and not even hand lotion, moisturiser and whatever serum. I supposed I don't need another beauty box subscription. As I have more than enough products compared to many others.

I splurged RM190 on 2 corset - some outfit that cannot even be worn when you are out to work, or at home, or for a casual eat out in some seafood restaurant. All because I cannot resist the temptation and peer pressure.
Only to go home and realise, with RM190, I could send my mum to the dentist and have at least 2 tooth rectified at least? And RM190 could well be a week salary of some dishwasher, despatch rider, or some roti canai dough maker. And now, I get to admire some boudoir based corset in the confinement of my room while mum have to choose her food since she can't chew as strong with her weak tooth, despatch rider eating a RM2 rice wth lots of rice and only gravy. And roti canai dough maker, eating left over roti canai for the day ;(

Then I wanted a great wedding! One by the side of the beach, or done in an open garden style.
With handmade trinkets as gifts, and a photobooth for snapping away, and a big wall banner - for camwhoring again! Then I see that fatty is working 7 days a week. Waking up at 6.30am and reaching home only 9pm. Not with the full intention to fund the wedding. But cus there is a workload waiting for him every day since some new projects started. But then it triggers me again. All the hard work an effort to go into a wall back drop? And to host tables and tables of people who most probably have been bitching about me and my family.

Today, alot of things doesn't seem to matter anymore. I guessed I have spent too much time on wishing upon a gigantic star and have forgotten to be back on the ground sometimes.
Today, I have rooted myself back to the humble ground, I would like to assume.

And today, if you think that it's a new beginning to a new you and that you can live a more fulfilling day than yesterday, then Merry X'mas to you!

If you are still in the same shit hole, oh well, you still deserve a breather.. Happy Merry X'mas la!