To Die Or Not To Die

And this is just how I felt like this evening.
I wanted THAT corner of space.
To get away from the buzzing phone, streaming text, angry people, yelling superior, wronlgy stitched pants, demanding clientèle, waiting mum, pestering friends.. and anything that requires me being in the presence of a space with beings around.

I am full. To the brim.
I am tired. That no Voltaren can help my back.

I am in the cross road.
Do I lit a cigarette? Do I chant the Hare Aum?
Would it even help?
Because the mind is lingering with resonance of a thousand people talking, shouting, and more talking with minimal full stop.

In this corner, under the dim lit of the moonlight, I would like to cry.
For a while please.

Perhaps I am never at the junction of excellence.
Perhaps it really is my fault most of the time.
Perhaps it's true.
I am of no good with my work.
Maybe I should die.

But before I proceed to the little corner
There are reports to read, reasons to ponder.
Designs to flip,  notes to write..

For awhile, I thought I can braze through it.
I thought maybe it's the right pah by now.
Maybe not.
I fear.
I fear failing.
I fear mistakes
I fear confrontation.
Maybe I should bury myself in denial.
Maybe I should just die.

And while I type
I dozed off..
I wonder sometimes
How does it feel to die?
Is it painful if you jump building?
Is it ugly to have a kerosene shower to go ablaze later
Because I needed something calming, less people staring and unnoticeable.

Now
Can I please go to my corner and cry a lil bit?
Please...