Today I Am Suhana: Rolling in the Tears

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Rolling in the Tears

I am sad.
Uhm... I think I am sad. Finally I have vented out what I felt to this person whom I have been wanting to tell off. No, it's not a love story vent.
I would like to end the vent of frustration with a tearful cry.
A good cry is not easy to achieve. I could have been working on some reports at this hour. But I am not in the mood. Because a jerk have deleted me from Facebook. Well, it is ok if he deleted me from Facebook when I have 402 friends. But just for the last 2 days I achieved 400 friends and he had deleted me off the list (though he claimed he discontinue his own account... or whatever fuck reason nia), he made it impossible for me to reach the 400 friends!

Shit yeah, I am kiasu. And it's not the reason of why he deleted me that angers me. But at least wait till I get 401 friends first? Jerk....

Well, I could have simply and randomly adds in anyone back to fill in the gaps. But where is the thrill!? -_-

Back to the crying topic. Yeah, I was sad due to some other problems. Then I don't really know if I am really sad. because I suspect that I may be creating this moment of sadness. because I may be bored now. Here, now, in the room, looking at more reports. Yeah, I suspect I have this lame syndrome of creating a scene for myself and people around me, because as I was expressing my sadness to Sha-Lene I am LOL-ling out loud... O.o

She said it's self defense mechanism. I said it's fickle and a contagious syndrome I have derived from being too bored I think.

Once in a while I do go berserk wanting to find place to cry out in full. Yeah, if you still do not know, despite this cheerful, ego looking face of yours truly here, I do have a lot of sorrow which I seldom share. Unless I want you to go into misery too :)

Last week I resorted to the toilet in the office. I tried that a few times actually. It wasn't sensational. It's not easy too, considering that the loo is pretty near to where the rest of the staff are sitting, hence no loud huuuhahhhh possible. I had it a few times while driving. I had to cry it out. Because I am simply too tired. Of life and everything that revolves around me. Today I did the same. Not because I am tired.

Because I have made up my mind into doing something with no return of investment. Sometimes we tend to sit on things and hope that there will be a better outcome. There is no exact theorem to calculate if this is a risk worth taking. But a woman got to do what a woman got to do :)

And so I did. It's true of what have been heard few days ago. Sometimes we are pushed to a corner to face things that we really do not want to deal with. It's hard to face the rotten part of a meat. It's smelly, it's yucky, but it has got to be dealt with. As much as a wagyu can cost you a bomb, it is of not much use to keep it if it doesn't allow you to savour it with much heartfelt love.

Wishing that things could have taken a different path is now just a wish. And is best not to keep wishing, because the road in front is rather pleasant to walk :)