Pacing Out

When I was 8, I remember having to trot behind her. She have to grab my hand so I can walk faster and not waste her time. I am chubby and round and only 8 years old. What would you have expect?

When I was 10, I finally understood the pace. I can walk Loke Yew, Bukit Bintang, Kota Raya and back with her. But I am still round and chubby. There wasn't alot of walking activities that we get to do. Only on days when she is off from work and she wanted to explore the Chinatown for the entire day.

When I was 12 and still fat and round, I managed to do long  jumps and 'fence-jump' (lompat pagar mah!) I would like to attribute that to my constant leg training. We had the same pace.

When I turned 18, I made use of my brisk walking pace. I walked 3 hours a day to and fro from one house to another - giving tuition and earning a decent stash of cash to fund college and to give her RM300 a month for household expenses.

For the past 25 years, almost everyone is amazed at how fast I can move. In heels, in slippers, anything. Yeah, I think I either had that trained or inherited.

Today, I waited for her in the car. As I browsed the pavement looking for her, her pace was no longer as what it used to be. Like a long throng of weight, she strode towards where the car  was parked. Her eyes were tired. Her back was no longer straight. Her stances were not as springy as it used to be. It took her 3 times the time required to reach.

I realised it's been 25 years already from the first time I remember her pulling my arms to walk as fast as she was.

I wish I could have given her more than I could now.
I never dared to think what would be it, if I were to leave and pursue what I wanted to.

I wonder if what has been muttered from their mouth was always from the bottom of their heart.
Do they really mean it when they tell you it's okay for you to pursue what you want, as they can take care of themself.
Do they really mean it when they give you blessing to marry off 3,000km away and won't be able to see them as often as it used to be.

Perhaps they meant what they say. I won't know. Because I do not want to prove it right at the same time.
Because I am her daughter.

I don't exactly know how does the mother-daughter relationship work. I am after all born in a typical Chinese family. There are many types of such typical Chinese family. I belong to the lower end, I would want to say. Those who lives on hard earned cash. With parents working their bones off till the days end. And the chances of some children to stray is high. In my case, there was once who strayed from the norm. The younger brother dropped out of school. Likely to bring shame, unlikely to bring fame.

I would like to assume I am special. I am not supposed to be born in such a scenario. But I can't dictate. Hence here I am. In a typical Chinese family. I still can't work out the mother-daughther relationship in my situation. But I know for sure. That I do have a role. I do have responsibility. Be it that I like it or not. Be it that I agree to it or not. Whatever that it will be, I guess I have made a choice. To be by her side, though without much emotion.. I tried. It's difficult. Because there isn't a manual on how to walk thru this mother-daughter relationship.

All that I know is that when I grow old, I could be in such situation. I do not know if I can tell my daugther (if I do have one) to leave home and marry off. I don't know if I may slip and die. I don't know how it is to be old, frail and living on my own. And I sure don't want her to go thru that. Only to have myself regretting and wishing that I could have done more.

A New Job Perhaps

This is the week that I most probbaly felt the highest surge of desire to actually start looking for a job - I logged onto Jobstreet for the first time. Not to advertise for vacancy for the company I am currently attached to. But to browse on jobs that I think I can perhaps give a try. Finally.

Previous stint in the batik factory full of faggots was a real nightmare that ended on time before 2012 hits. I practically released a big heavy clog of breath which I have kept for the past 6 or 7 years. I can't say that nothing was learnt. Because I learnt a lot. And I am much wiser. And I got back a life which alot more options to steer.

My only problem now - I am too free for what I have been paid for >.<
Most probably an understatement. But I am seriously feeling a bit lacking in leadership, in vision and in energy. Because I had way too much freedom. Such is what freedom can do to break one's life ;/

It is pretty sad to see that my vision was not shared among peers. I finally have to bow to the saying that 'You can't teach a china man to eat scone. Cus he's been eating char siew pau since forever'

I have an option to join them if I can't lead them. But I do not wish to think that such principle shall apply in situation I am in now.

Given more lease of freedom to me, I think I can do much more than what I am doing now. Visually hoping to steer the organisation to a greater height than where it is now. But that would mean I need to start firing those who doesn't understand the corporate trade. And that means firing all of them. Maybe that's not an option :(

If you can't change, shall you leave? This is not politic, where you turn to be an Opposition and fight till the end. Because there really isn't much to fight for. But for a better prospect for ownself.

Dilemma dilemma...

On another note, I managed to tidy up stacks of books and magazines in the room and stashed alot of it.
Fatty may not be pleased to come visit and see that I have a room full of arhives of magazines dated since 2008. Guess what have I thrown - Fashion magazines & SME Business magazines?

I threw away all the batik magazines, those fashion magazines, pretiges, Madam Chair and all!!
And I kept all the SME magazines :)

I guess I have always knew what I really love. Despite so many years in fashion and still blogs about fashion, fashion is just fashion. It's like how you like wearing pretty clothes and pretty make up and the hippest heels, and it's just fashion. Not passion. You love donning yourself in those fashionable gear but that's just it! You feel good,. you look good.. And nothing beyond that :/
Okok, I guess I am trying to say that I miss doing sales and marketing job. Meeting people, giving powerful negotiation talks, brainstorming, getting inputs and all :(

I seriously need a new, challenging job!! :/

Addicted to Shop

Officially an Asos.com junkie and cannot resist from clicking PROCEED and punch in my credit card security code everytime I browse their collection!

Oh why am I such a lallang with no self control!!!?

Am still eyeing on this red peplum after I got the black version.

Just how many peplum dresses can one have?

Just what else can you wear if not peplum dresses, if your tummy is bulging from unnecessary eating over the holidays when mum decides to serve ABC soup, big pot of fried rice, diced pork with potato cooked in curry sauce, 5 pcs of ebiko sushi from neighbour, 2 dessert from neighbour, 2 slices of burger patty - again from mum. For 2 person - me and mum. Because she is worried that me may be starving during the period of 1pm to 8pm on the first day of Raya. With no where to go but sit at home and watch Kabhi Kushi Kabhi Gam

Asos Dress With Peplum

Product Code: 198733

Asos Peplum Dress 13 pounds

worn with 

Leopard Printed Suede Slim Belt with chain detail from Tanks for 5 RM10

Make up done with Missha BB Cream  and Victorias Secrets

Stud earrings from bazaar

Satin leopard heels from Agape Boutique

And to punch a big hole in my heart, Asos is having a massive sales of 50% + 10% again! 

Why oh why!!!

But NO. At the end of this post and after putting 3 items in my cart and these items are not elligible for the extra 10% off, I managed to withheld myself from another round of addiction >.<

SHOP @ ASOS

Beauty Box Edition August & Burt's Bee Scrub

Wasn't expecting boss to be in today, but he was! Which means I am going to get my Salary de June!!
Yeap, I am in a position that doesn't always permit me to get my pay on time - as I have other workers's salary to consider before mine ;/

What was more happy today was receiving my August Edition of Beauty Box from Fabulous Finds! The one month of wait for the arrival of these box with content unknown seriously makes one more eager to await for its arrival =D

This is my second box. I have gotten it's debut box in July and am officially addicted to those little surprise enveloped in this pretty pink box. The Burt's Bees Sugar Scrub with Pomegranate and Cranberry Exfoliator sachet from July's edition got me so excited. One of the best exfoliant I've tried so far and will definitely be getting the actual product whenever I come across Burts Bee's shop.

The August Edition was nothing less exciting than the debut one. I shall keep the review coming in YourShoppingKaki.com very soon!

July and August's Beauty Box

The contents in August Edition

Personalised message from the founder of Fabulous Finds - Hui Ling

For a minimum of RM35 a month, enrol yourself as a subscriber to be able to receive your surprise box for the month containing deluxe beauty samples. I am sure you don't want to miss another month anymore! Quickly go over to Fabulous Finds for more details!

Get the Beauty Delights at Your DoorSteps Now!

Mini Review : Burt's Bees Sugar Scrub

Got this lil sachet in July's box as mentioned and its oh-wow-amazing!

Perhaps I have not seen or used much scrub,  but this is by far the best. I've tried something similar from a Korean brand  I can't remeber which) but the sugar concentrate here is much coarser and doesnt melt as fast.

Not believeing it's really sugar, I sort of put my tongue in it and gave it a lick :p

Yorr!! Whatever it is, it is sweet as sugar!! I guess it must be sugar!

I have always have this problem of dried and squashed up knuckle on the left hand. yes, only on the  left hand. No issues on the right hand because I have a habit to lift my left hand higher when typing and hence pressing on the knuckle all the time. But I don't have such habit for the right hand. I just don't know why!

Then at the time of typing this, I just realised something. The right side of my desk is facing the outer part of the table and has no obstruction. The left side is however.. urmm... filled with an assortment of stuff that was permanently there since ages.. -_-

spot the left side! >.<

The scrub was coarse enough yet not painful when scrubbed on. It eventually melts and creates this waxy feel, as if layering the skin with a layer of oil. Some may not like the layer of oil but on coarse areas like my knuckle it's moisturising enough! =D

Amazingly enough, it does wonders when rubbed on to the coarse knuckle of mine!

See how the dark color were reduced just in a single scrub session!

More before / after in case you were not convinced.

what I meant by that layer of waxy feel. See how the water drops just doesnt drop or coagulate together, as if bound by a layer of oil.

I didnt read much instruction if I should lather up again with any other body wash after using the scrub. As it was pretty moisturising, I thought of leaving it as it is since I used it after body wash. It was tad too sticky leaving it as it is that I am not sure fi I will leave traces on papers if I were to rest my hand on stacks of A4 paper. Hence I decided to lather up and wash off the waxy feel =D

Overall, I still love this scrub as it's pretty good in getting rid of those dead cells and not to mention gives a good layer of moisturise to dry skin.

Vain and Lame Post

One too many camwhore of late..
It's like a marathon to encapulate whatever balance of youthful essence I am left with in this 33 years old body. Yes, finally I am feeling old compared to those young people I hang out with - online or offline.
It's like at anytime those wrinkles and crow feet will start attacking me and eat my face off that no amount of BB cream can rectify it!

It's so hard being a woman ;(

One second you got to go for Pap Smear and make sure no freaking mushroom / parasites grow in your va jay jay.. Then you gotta worry in case some big ass 5cm lumps grows in your breast. Then sometimes you hormone changes and somehow distort some crap system in your reproduction system and you develop fibroid :/

Give us a break la GOD! Go make the guys have more than blue balls syndrome and erectile dysfunction!

I have added some new members to the supplement community that I consume. Never a regime that I can follow dutifully but still trying to make it a habit to at least maintain the almost zero level of youth left in this body :(

On another note, I can't stop myself from buying another pot of the Safi Beauty Cream. This time it's the one with Sari Lidah Buaya - aloe vera to be exact. Amazingly this is equally good too!! Way better than the Safi Gold. The sales girl at the pharmacy too said that the Safi Rania Gold is way too oily. Review more laters!!

grren cap for the aloe vera essence one!!