Rubbish!

I would say it is gross. Stinky and plain gross.
Then I realise someone gotta do the dirty job. Of getting rid of these gross, yucky disposal.

As I watch the two Indian guys clearing the rubbish  dripping which juice and flinging it into the disposal truck, it didn't strike me that what is gross to me is someone else's rice bowl.

It's hard to not be able to get a job that you want.
Everybody wants something.
I want to be famous. I want to stop being in the same lift with the bunch of chatty and loud, short neighbouring woman.
I want to have my own parking lot.
I want a career that I can perhaps be passionate at.
I have also wish that I can perhaps camwhore and get money - because that's my 'passion'.
I hope I can write and turn it into cash, just because I think I can write well.
Whatever.

I am sure the two Indian guys wants a decent meal. And be able to fork a big heap of curry chicken meat onto their plate instead of scooping gravy in hope to lower down the charges of that plate of rice.

I don't think they want me to perceive that they are equally as gross as what they are flinging onto the truck.
I don't think they want to grow old and tell the story of the famous Muthusamy - the garbage collector who made a living disposing gross, juicy rubbish from people who think that the rubbish is gross.

Given a chance, and a flip of fate perhaps, everybody wants something. But not everybody gets everything.
What is gross to you is another treasure to others, perhaps.

Tomorrow, I shall have a better way to garbage management.

On Being Frugal

Something that is hard to follow sometimes but this is a good guide for all young starters who is looking for a smoother sailing life - in case the world doesn't end faster than  your pocket getting thinner.

Lines

Today the beautician told me I have started to develop fine lines - a nicer term to describe wrinkles ;( ;(

It's really not fun being on this side of life - as a woman. 

When you are in the 20s you worry about not getting hitched. When you do get hitched, you worry about not being fertile enough to produce. When you do get hitched and able to produce, you worry that you body shape will resemble that of a big blob of amoeba and lose out to other svelte ameoba out there - and eventually losing the husband to them.

So you try to juggle everything in order to achieve this nirvana of being Cleopatra of all women - to have an eternal or the very least, prolonged youthful period in a body that ages as fast as you can fart.

And you can't really stop the lines from forming on your face, the cellulite making a statement on the thigh, ass and arms.

And when you are in the working force, especially where your outlook play an important part, there are  more concern on how your display yourself, the worry of having a non-elastic face, and non-glowing set of eyes that will turn off any prospective clients into buying whatever that you are selling. OK, I've seen people who doesn't have these concern and are having all this issues on them and still be able to market, but that's because they have 150% of confidence and 300% of thick-skin and self-absorbed quality which can kill the rest of other defining factors - something that I don't think I have. And I definitely despise showing off the sillhoutte of a sagging boobs underneath the fitted top and causes everyone to have the impression that I failed to do what a woman should do - wear a proper bra! OK totally irrelevant.

There really isn't a defined definition of perfect - you are as perfect as you can accept yourself.

That is most probably the only consolation I can tell own self. 

Now I just got to go search for cheap eye cream and get the lines solved - I hope.

Under The Shower Head

As I was standing under the shower head, waiting for my hair to get drenched in warm water, these 3 figures got into my mind. It was a pretty clear vision as my eyes were closed, avoiding the dripping of water.

Suet Mun was that Chinese girl, born in the ever typical Chinese family. And no typical Chinese family will be complete wtihout a black sheep in the house. And no, she wasn't one, fortunately. It was the other brother from this Chinese family she was born. She went thru what a typical Chinese family of lesser education went thru - lots of tussle and barking at home , all in the name of money. And lack of communication, of course. After all, being Asian, we are never taught to confront an issue face-to-face. We take pride in saving face as much as possible. Suet Mun wasn't contented with all that is going on.

Relatives were flashing their butter cookies and imported macadamia every new year. She used to loved sitting at a corner and nibble on these luxurious edible material that the family can never ever afford based on their income level. Well, maybe the can, but they won't have the resouces to buy! And most probably will have to pump less fuel into the motorbike is RM100 is spent on macadamia nuts.

As she sat in a corner looking at these almost becoming distant relatives flashing their imported food, year after year, she began to query why is she always the one at a corner only to be passed on food and clothings that they can never be able to afford on their own. So she embed in her a small little vision - to shut their arrogant mouth when she grows up.

As she was growing, Suetha was always with her. But no typical Chinese family really give much attention to any flair of creativity. Everyone is too busy making enough to meet ends. And it was a never ending journey that seems to go nowhere. Suetha always have a soft spot for all things artsy. She loves drawing, something she picks up when everyone at home was busy making ends meet.
With nothing on her desk but some hands-down Galaxie magazines that comes with life size poster, she started her many sketches of Hollywood celebrities in pencil sketching. All her amateur sketches were kept nicely in a makeshift drawer under the bed where she shares with her mum and brother.
If she wasn't weighing a hefty 50kgs at the tender age of 9 years old, she would have been a gymnast.

Suetha never leave. She was alsways there with Suet Mun, only waiting for the right moment to come out. But she knows she will never be a main character. Not now. Perhaps one day. When she can set her foot to Laos and teach English and Arts to poor students during the day and imparts the Odissi dance to little girls in the evening. But she know she can never do it alone. And Suet Mun would break if asked to take charge of the situation.

Then along, came Suhana. The one who Suet Mun relies on in hope to shove some butter cookies to those who have once shoved imported cookies into her face. Suhana feels that this is the only option, if she want to make it in the corporate world, to follow the locals and spread her roots. For so long Suhana fought for something she thinks is worth fighting. Compensation were never balanced with the effort put in. Some said she is stupid. She sometimes wonder too. But she realised something - she loves having a full pocket, no doubt. But she loves more of having the power of knowledge gained thru out her battleship in the corporate world. It was like eating shaved ice with syrup after a hot day. And paying a hefty sum for the shaved ice. No one understood her. And her pocket was still half empty.
The worst was when she realised her mind too was half empty.

There were visions, but whose visions are those.
There are resolution, but whose resolution are those.
There are definitely vows, but no one knows whose vows were those anymore.
It is like a road of no definite path.

Should Suhana settle down with an ordinary job, based closely to her skills of selling? She is sceptical. And very tired.
Deep down, Suet Mun is very angry. For still remaining at a level which she hopes to abolish long long time ago.
Suetha have just recently dropped off something very close to her - her Odissi dance as she can no longer tolerate the practise of 'I-rather-die- for- arts- than- die-of- hunger' by those who dances with her. She began to realise, perhaps this is not what she yearns for. At least she did it - salsa, cha cha, odissi. And now she is aiming for the metal pole and super flexible body for a session of bachata perhaps ;)

Above all, Cynthia grew out of them three. With the essence from Suet Mun, Suetha and Suhana.
It was a pretty long journey to get into the collaboration today. It isn't perfect yet. Still a lot more to polish on. but the road were slightly clear. As priority has changed.

Cynthia was all of the above. She is still a typical Chinese who refused to be a typical Chinese despite not realising she is behaving like one, although she can write better than a typical Chinese. For survival reason she had to let Suhana take charge and let Suhana imparts her business acumen to earn a living. Suetha was a toy that Suhana brings along in her job, growing her in many other aspects together.

And today, Cynthia who is waiting for her hair to get wet under the shower just got to know what is she made of. It wasn't an achievement, neither was it a dissapointment. merely another phase.

And for the road in front, her plans have changed. Perhaps there are better person to teach the kids in Laos than her. As she is ready to start her new journey with the love of her live..  =D

Fried Meehoon with Crabstick

Weddings.

This matrimonial process that a male and female got to go thru so that they can legally fornicate and bear more cry babies.

And yet, it is never a two person path to walk thru it.
And no. I am not talking about planning my wedding.

Well, I was about to start a list of guest initially, but was interrupted when I got a call to remind that we MUST go to the pre-wedding dinner and the wedding dinner over the weekend.
Why??
Why can't you two go get some rest the day before the wedding?
Why is there a need to make people beat the jam to get to your home so that we can dig into your fried meehoon and crabsticks from the famous caterer in your neighbourhood, or most probably in the township.
Why can't the both of you go drive to Cava in Bangsar and ask for a candle and order a set of 8 tapas dish and start to talk about the great time you both have endured.
No.
Now you have me, the old woman I got to bring around, more old woman who will be coming and another bunch of old man and older woman who will be thronging your front yard - digging on your fried meehoon with crabsticks. And nuggets. Not forgetting, maybe another bunch of your office mate who have to beat the traffic, neglect a wife, fake some documents and punch out early from work - just so your pre-wedding dinner eating fried meehoon will be merrier with lots of people, eyeing for the nearest available empty table after enduring the traffic, and spent the past 30 mins driving around the garden looking for slot-me-in parking bays. Just to dig into your fried meehoon with crabstick.

It is a week away from this whole lengthy process of beating the traffic, finding parking bays, finding empty tables near buffet area in your humbly-sized  yard, mingling with old people who keep bugging you with quetions - why your heels so high, why you still not maried. I am not left wiht choice but to start planning.

Yes. NOW.
Shall I buy a laptop battery so I can power up my old laptop and sit at a corner after entertaining your famous fried meehoon with crabsticks and start doing my work.
Shall I perhaps invest in a Samsung Galaxy Note so that I can eliminate the hassle to bring a laptop and I can still do my work from the smart phone.
Shall both the above options not work, what are the range of books that I can perhaps buy from Popular Bookstore? After all, eating friend meehoon with crabstick will only take me 20 mins inclusding of gulping down a premix of orange juice. I most probably can use the extra hours after that to finihs up a business management book.
Shall I leave the books out, how many newspaper must I buy so I can fill up the time that I have to endure whole waiting for all the people in your yard to stop talking and go home?
Shall I leave the laptop, the smartphone, the books and newspaper out, perhaps, I should print out some assignment from my Tesol and complete it at a nook of your yard and hopefully no one notice of my existence so I can peacefully finish up the night productively.
Shall I also start to prepare my expression and some standard answers to some standard questions and statement that is predicted at each of such event?

'Moi, why are you so shy? Eat more la.."
"Ate dy, thank you"
'No, eat more la, we are relatives mah.. no shy shy, eat more'
Ok, I go eat now. happy? And you think I have never eaten before in my life that I musn't stop now that you are buying?

'Eh, now only you all reach?'
Well, can't you see I just walked from the parking area? What you think? That I went for a jog before coming over to dig on the friend meehoon with crabstick?

'Are you working now?'
Would you want to finance my life if I said NO?

'When are you getting married?'
When you stop asking, perhaps I would. Does my marital status actually affects your life?

'Wah, you seem so busy with your work! You are so hard working'
Because this whole hoo-la-ba-la is taking 5 hours of my life on a weekend. And tomorrow I have to endure another half day just so I can upgrade from eating fried meehoon with crabstick to drinking a small bowl of sharks fin (inspired) soup. Time is Money and I don't have enough of both. Geddit??

After all that is said, I guess I am still not left wiht much of a choice but to be present and go thur life as predicted - to eat your friend meehoon with crabstick and stay at a corner unnoticed.
Wait.
What is the name of the bride and groom?
WHO IS GETTING MARRIED?

wtf....