Yesterday I was someone. But I always thought that I am Suetha the Indian Classical Dancer. Then today I am Suhana. Day before I was Suet Mun. Welcome to my alter ego page..

Yours truly,
Suhana Suetha

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Under The Shower Head

As I was standing under the shower head, waiting for my hair to get drenched in warm water, these 3 figures got into my mind. It was a pretty clear vision as my eyes were closed, avoiding the dripping of water.

Suet Mun was that Chinese girl, born in the ever typical Chinese family. And no typical Chinese family will be complete wtihout a black sheep in the house. And no, she wasn't one, fortunately. It was the other brother from this Chinese family she was born. She went thru what a typical Chinese family of lesser education went thru - lots of tussle and barking at home , all in the name of money. And lack of communication, of course. After all, being Asian, we are never taught to confront an issue face-to-face. We take pride in saving face as much as possible. Suet Mun wasn't contented with all that is going on.

Relatives were flashing their butter cookies and imported macadamia every new year. She used to loved sitting at a corner and nibble on these luxurious edible material that the family can never ever afford based on their income level. Well, maybe the can, but they won't have the resouces to buy! And most probably will have to pump less fuel into the motorbike is RM100 is spent on macadamia nuts.

As she sat in a corner looking at these almost becoming distant relatives flashing their imported food, year after year, she began to query why is she always the one at a corner only to be passed on food and clothings that they can never be able to afford on their own. So she embed in her a small little vision - to shut their arrogant mouth when she grows up.

As she was growing, Suetha was always with her. But no typical Chinese family really give much attention to any flair of creativity. Everyone is too busy making enough to meet ends. And it was a never ending journey that seems to go nowhere. Suetha always have a soft spot for all things artsy. She loves drawing, something she picks up when everyone at home was busy making ends meet.
With nothing on her desk but some hands-down Galaxie magazines that comes with life size poster, she started her many sketches of Hollywood celebrities in pencil sketching. All her amateur sketches were kept nicely in a makeshift drawer under the bed where she shares with her mum and brother.
If she wasn't weighing a hefty 50kgs at the tender age of 9 years old, she would have been a gymnast.

Suetha never leave. She was alsways there with Suet Mun, only waiting for the right moment to come out. But she knows she will never be a main character. Not now. Perhaps one day. When she can set her foot to Laos and teach English and Arts to poor students during the day and imparts the Odissi dance to little girls in the evening. But she know she can never do it alone. And Suet Mun would break if asked to take charge of the situation.

Then along, came Suhana. The one who Suet Mun relies on in hope to shove some butter cookies to those who have once shoved imported cookies into her face. Suhana feels that this is the only option, if she want to make it in the corporate world, to follow the locals and spread her roots. For so long Suhana fought for something she thinks is worth fighting. Compensation were never balanced with the effort put in. Some said she is stupid. She sometimes wonder too. But she realised something - she loves having a full pocket, no doubt. But she loves more of having the power of knowledge gained thru out her battleship in the corporate world. It was like eating shaved ice with syrup after a hot day. And paying a hefty sum for the shaved ice. No one understood her. And her pocket was still half empty.
The worst was when she realised her mind too was half empty.

There were visions, but whose visions are those.
There are resolution, but whose resolution are those.
There are definitely vows, but no one knows whose vows were those anymore.
It is like a road of no definite path.

Should Suhana settle down with an ordinary job, based closely to her skills of selling? She is sceptical. And very tired.
Deep down, Suet Mun is very angry. For still remaining at a level which she hopes to abolish long long time ago.
Suetha have just recently dropped off something very close to her - her Odissi dance as she can no longer tolerate the practise of 'I-rather-die- for- arts- than- die-of- hunger' by those who dances with her. She began to realise, perhaps this is not what she yearns for. At least she did it - salsa, cha cha, odissi. And now she is aiming for the metal pole and super flexible body for a session of bachata perhaps ;)

Above all, Cynthia grew out of them three. With the essence from Suet Mun, Suetha and Suhana.
It was a pretty long journey to get into the collaboration today. It isn't perfect yet. Still a lot more to polish on. but the road were slightly clear. As priority has changed.

Cynthia was all of the above. She is still a typical Chinese who refused to be a typical Chinese despite not realising she is behaving like one, although she can write better than a typical Chinese. For survival reason she had to let Suhana take charge and let Suhana imparts her business acumen to earn a living. Suetha was a toy that Suhana brings along in her job, growing her in many other aspects together.

And today, Cynthia who is waiting for her hair to get wet under the shower just got to know what is she made of. It wasn't an achievement, neither was it a dissapointment. merely another phase.

And for the road in front, her plans have changed. Perhaps there are better person to teach the kids in Laos than her. As she is ready to start her new journey with the love of her live..  =D

1 comment:

  1. love of her life..finally she started accepting someone into her life besides suetha, suhana n suet mun



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