What I See

Tumblr is great! t's like a platform for people who have been traumatised and suddenly they get creative with loads of inspiring statements that really is interesting. 

yea, you give me shit, i give you pee

and just so you know, my willingness to go out for dinner with you does not mean I wanna be your girlfriend =P

and you can also tell I'm bored with you when you no longer hear from me ;)

In Chinese, I think we call it 'thu-lan'

No work, no commision lor... as easy as that..

and most of the time I don't behave like a cow -I don't  regurgitate

because I always take away my food.. sigh... ;(

Why? What Why?

I desperately need to make more sales while the iron is hot
Because the financial year end is coming..
And I remember the reminder to work the ass off before the financial year ends.
I need the sales
Because I felt like the rest of the 12 people down there harps on me for better wages
And I have the burden to be able to provide
I need sales
Because I heard if one do well in sales, they get their additional incentives
And momma looks like she needs a new juicer.
It aint easy to juice 12 orange manually ;(
My make up are sponsored, my accessories are sponsored, and sometimes my meals too are sponsored.
I need sales if i want to be able to afford things un-sponsored
I simply need sales
Because that is my job designation
And I need no more counselling
To be reminded that I need more sales
Because it makes me sad to know I can't do justice to what have been rewarded to me
It makes me feel like dying
Hence I need the sales...

I hate sales
But I know I need sales
Its a complicated love-hate relationship that I have developed
I pursued with no hatred, just grudges sometimes
But I know it is a joy when sales are achieved
I know I am of no good
Neither here nor there, this or that

I don't know
Maybe I am good
But I think I am no good
I wish I was good
I wish I can see how good I am
But maybe I am just not that good after all
I don't know
Because I follow suit all that is given
That I no longer know if I am good or of no good
But in general I assume you deduce I am of no good

I broke down
Not because I a tired of facing slugs in the cubicles where I am seated
I broke down
Not because I cannot cope with things that are going on
I broke down
Not because I am not able to handle situation
I broke down
Because I am not able to learn from a situation
But on another note,
I could have broken down
Simply because I am just not as good

My words do not correlate with my heart
I know
My mind do not correlate with my hands
I know too
I no longer find correlation in me
Perhaps that explains why it took me so long to get acquainted with my classical dance steps
perhaps I am just fickle
Or perhaps I should just keep it shut

Whatever sorrow that comes
When the cow comes mooing
and when the cowboys come home
I know
That tomorrow is a another day
To face, to live while hoping I can drown my sorrow
By being a better person ;(

On a lighter note, I hope the people from Gardenia do google and notice that I have been junking eating healthily on all sorts of Gardenia buns in the Shell petrol station everywhere around town. As of today, I've had the whole Gardenia range for breakfast, lunch and almost-dinner to curb my hunger pangs and to put a control in the financial strain I've been having.
It would be great if Gardenia Incorporated would consider in sponsoring me a year intake of all sorts of Gardenia buns. That would ease my fodd funding pretty much. In return, I could do you a review in this humble little blog? Yes, I need sponsored meals. Pretty please... ;(

I AM THAT GIRL

I've been ooozing with the need to type, type, type of late. It's like I need to do a lot of things to get myself busy. not to say I am not busy, because work was like hell busy, but I felt like I need to do more to feed the soul after the weeping scenario ;)

And I have V-tjen to thank for making me her guinea pig for her Uni assignment in creating an Audience Dossier thing (which I have no idea what is it till now). But I got this from her ;)

Ahhh, if only this is real and is part of the feature in The Star =P

Nevertheless, love it much despite just being an assignment! <3

Miss Pung is back on the blogging mode and thinks that I should follow suit to talk about - I Am That Girl.

Yes, that particular girl whom you know very well and have grown accustomed to since the day you know how to nibble on your own fingers while drooling.

I am that girl who have ego 12 times the size of the bra cup, simply because I sometimes think I am better than you.

I am also the girl who always lost in the battle of perfection at work, in relationship, in life, because I think too much

I am that girl who vow not to pay my credit card debts in full.. because I am still hoping that the world will end soon.

I am that girl whom you think you have known and can grow find of. Till the day when I no longer want to be with you. Simply because my benchmark grew..

I am that girl who can talk if initiated, makes faces if need to, but not sing, even if provoked.

I am that girl who have so much hate in mind, because I could have chosen a wrong path..

But I am also that girl who will walk on the same path despite a wrong one, as long as I can withstand

Because I know the path doesnt' just belong to me..

I am that girl who learn to let go, let pass and let off

If I felt that you feel is best to let go, let off, let past..

I am that girl with short attention span, long constant nag..

I can't help it, I am fickle, undecisive hence insecure

I am that girl who may bring you joy, tho most time it will be misery, if you make me felt like shit...

I am that girl, who loves her friends first, then job.. and the rest follow

I am that girl, who needs only self declaration that I AM HOT. What you think doesn't matter. Because you are just envious. That you are not that girl =P

I am that girl who need more than attention. Yes, I need to be fed. With emotion, love and food..

I am that girl who have no shame to tell you my boobs are flat, my feet smells and there is a dead lizard under the sheet. I couldn't care less of what you think. Unless you are the Prince of Zibai-land who will marry me off, throw me daisies on the floor and feed me a daily serving of mojito..

It is also obvious that I am that girl who have no qualms to tell you that you in Crocs make you look like a defnite shit-arse, that I am too good for you and that you are of no good for anything

I am that girl who cannot stand the sight of not being able to be in control

But I am also that girl who cant control the emotion when I see elderly  having to serve the balance of their life staring at the sky, waiting for the public transport, to go to the city, to try and still earn a living.. I felt like shit :(

I am also that girl who is blessed to have great friends, great boss though sometimes...lazy staff, control-freak freinds comes into the scene.

But whatever it is.. I am that girl - who never fail to hope for a better tomorrow despite failure after failure. 

Simply because I am just a girl who wants to have fun. I think O.o

I am that girl who can sleep on it, only to wake up in sorrow and life still goes on

Yes, I hope so too ;)

And soon, I will sing. When I know how to make some acoustic sounds..

Rolling in the Tears

I am sad.
Uhm... I think I am sad. Finally I have vented out what I felt to this person whom I have been wanting to tell off. No, it's not a love story vent.
I would like to end the vent of frustration with a tearful cry.
A good cry is not easy to achieve. I could have been working on some reports at this hour.  But I am not in the mood. Because a jerk have deleted me from Facebook. Well, it is ok if he deleted me from Facebook when I have 402 friends. But just for the last 2 days I achieved 400 friends and he had deleted me off the list (though he claimed he discontinue his own account... or whatever  fuck reason nia), he made it impossible for me to reach the 400 friends!

Shit yeah, I am kiasu. And it's not the reason of why he deleted me that angers me. But at least wait till I get 401 friends first? Jerk....

Well, I could have simply and randomly adds in anyone back to fill in the gaps. But where is the thrill!? -_-

Back to the crying topic. Yeah, I was sad due to some other problems. Then I don't really know if I am really sad. because I suspect that I may be creating this moment of sadness. because I may be bored now. Here, now, in the room, looking at more reports. Yeah, I suspect I have this lame syndrome of creating a scene for myself and people around me, because as I was expressing my sadness to Sha-Lene I am LOL-ling out loud... O.o

She said it's self defense mechanism. I said it's fickle and a contagious syndrome I have derived from being too bored I think.

Once in a while I do go berserk wanting to find place to cry out in full. Yeah, if you still do not know, despite this cheerful, ego looking face of yours  truly here, I do have a lot of sorrow which I seldom share. Unless I want you to go into misery too :)

Last week I resorted to the toilet in the office. I tried that a few times actually. It wasn't sensational. It's not easy too, considering that the loo is pretty near to where the rest of the staff are sitting, hence no loud huuuhahhhh possible. I had it a few times while driving. I had to cry it out. Because I am simply too tired. Of life and everything that revolves around me. Today I did the same. Not because I am tired.

Because I have made up my mind into doing something with no return of investment. Sometimes we tend to sit on things and hope that there will be a better outcome. There is no exact theorem to calculate if this is a risk worth taking. But a woman got to do what a woman got to do :)

And so I did. It's true of what have been heard few days ago. Sometimes we are pushed to a corner to face things that we really do not want to deal with. It's hard to face the rotten part of a meat. It's smelly, it's yucky, but it has got to be dealt with. As much as a wagyu can cost you a bomb, it is of not much use to keep it if it doesn't allow you to savour it with much heartfelt love.

Wishing that things could have taken a different path is now just a wish. And is best not to keep wishing, because the road in front is rather pleasant to walk :)

me time!

when camwhoring, remove those darn old clothes hanger away from sight...

drape dress from Robotripping

my ultimate camwhore gadget - wig!! wee!!!

no way can I achieve this with real hair. too much time required!

bustier  dress bought online

UPDATE : I achieved 400 friends again now in Facebook. Yeah, I added Anna Chieng =D =D

The Case of Being Insensitive

Girl : Sigh, can I know how much is the price of a car battery? I gotta change it and the mechanic is charging me a whooping RM400. I didn't know it cost that much.

Boy : Wah! U got cheated leh!! Normally RM180 can get already. U go to this zombie-fied place in Ulu Whatever in some God-Freaking High Traffic place. They sell the batteries at RM150 also yada yada...

And he soon went offline

Boy : Hello. How are you.
Girl : Good. :)

3 days after

Boy : Hello. how are you.
Girl : Hi. I'm good..


3 weeks later

Boy : Hello. How are you?
Girl : Hi. Good? Erm, ya what is it you need?
Boy : Huh? I am just saying hi..  :(
Girl : Uh.. ok. HI. Is that all you can say? After 3 weeks of missing?
Boy : I was busy and was out of town.
Girl : *yah.. for 3 weeks with a Blackberry and a backpack of laptop and P1 modem?*
Boy : How's your blog?
Girl : Well, a blog is to be read, not to be asked of it's health condition. But if you must know,  the blog is still a blog. Doing OK :)
Boy : Why are you doing this to me? I am just trying to make a conversation.
Girl : Well, instead of trying to make a conversation with redundant question, why don't you try ' Hi, read your  blog. Wow, interesting story this time and nice pictures!'
Boy : I don't understand why are you doing this to me every time i try to be nice.
Girl : I don't understand why aren't there anything else you can say besides Hi, how are you, how's your blog. It's a blog!! It's ot even a dog for heaven sake. Aren't you in front of the pc? Dammit, go to the blog and see for yourself!! Why ask me!  But oh well, since you insist to ask and it's a very nice gesture of you, ok, let me answer u..
Girl : My blog is fantastic. I have just blogged about different ways I can use to commit suicide.
Boy : Huh? Why u write that?
Girl : -_____-    Goodbye.. I need to think of better ways to die now..And I think i wrote that because I am thinking of ways to commit suicide??


Being a friend, a special friend or simply a new acquaintance, this is seriously a case of you guys being so insensitive, that nothing can be done to cure this disease of not being aware of your surrounding and your role as a person with an armour in your pants...

If you have a uni mate who happen to behave like this, bang a book on his head and make sure his spectacles drop.
If you have a casual friend who behaves like this, attempt to make him buy you  food every time you meet up, say Bye and leave.
If you have a boyfriend like this, I am sorry...you could have been voodo-ed  =D

I have a very good college mate who helped me get this settled :)

What are friends for! <3
hmm.. did he scribbled 'fat ass' on the battery?

I Am A Phailed Manager

:(
Yes, I think I am.
Those people couldn't stop facebooking during office hour and I am seriously considering blocking the application.
I do not know how else do I handle slugs who refused to budge from the sinking cushion of the office chair. And keep Facebooking. I think I am beginning to hate Facebook.
I do not know how to to make people understand that they need to make sales and not make friends online with no return of investment.
I do not know how else to look eye to eye with those who just do not get why do I seldom talk about work and nothing else when I am in the office. Because I need sales.
I cannot concentrate talking to slugs while trying not to think how else and where else do I get my sales.
I am a sinking manager. I need sales. I need to manage. And I think I need a breather or so.
I think I will bring some liquour to work and drench myself with a cup of Milo mixed with Vodka.

Where do I start?
Where do I rectify myself from?
I need sales.
I need to get the jackets done.
I need to study the god damn measurement..
I need sales
I need to think of ways to pacify slugs in hope they can get their own sales.
I need sales myself too.
I need to think of ways to draft contracts so that no one else benefits but us.
I need to plan what to sell, what to bring, what to display..
And I desperately need sales.
Oh wait... I got sales,
But I need more sales
And I need to manage only ONE slug
But I failed..

Now...
and Now..
Here I am sitting here
In this dirty room with a thousand strands of my hair
And utility bills stacked under the leg rest of  my chair
And 8 more items pending review in YourShoppingKaki
Another 159 emails to post items in Pasar Night
With dirty linen hung on the old chair where I laid my ass
I am writing a Handbook of  Managing Retail Services and measuring KPI

It felt good to have to shed some tears
In this dirty room
While d riving
In the office washroom
But..
But I realised...
Things are the same once crying is complete..
I still need sales
Slugs are still as heavy as they are
And I still need to deal with life..
And no money in pocket...

Life...
As positive as I try to be..
Kill me the moment you have the time ..
Because I am a phailed manager...

To Die Or Not To Die

And this is just how I felt like this evening.
I wanted THAT corner of space.
To get away from the buzzing phone, streaming text, angry people, yelling superior, wronlgy stitched pants, demanding clientèle, waiting mum, pestering friends.. and anything that requires me being in the presence of a space with beings around.

I am full. To the brim.
I am tired. That no Voltaren can help my back.

I am in the cross road.
Do I lit a cigarette? Do I chant the Hare Aum?
Would it even help?
Because the mind is lingering with resonance of a thousand people talking, shouting, and more talking with minimal full stop.

In this corner, under the dim lit of the moonlight, I would like to cry.
For a while please.

Perhaps I am never at the junction of excellence.
Perhaps it really is my fault most of the time.
Perhaps it's true.
I am of no good with my work.
Maybe I should die.

But before I proceed to the little corner
There are reports to read, reasons to ponder.
Designs to flip,  notes to write..

For awhile, I thought I can braze through it.
I thought maybe it's the right pah by now.
Maybe not.
I fear.
I fear failing.
I fear mistakes
I fear confrontation.
Maybe I should bury myself in denial.
Maybe I should just die.

And while I type
I dozed off..
I wonder sometimes
How does it feel to die?
Is it painful if you jump building?
Is it ugly to have a kerosene shower to go ablaze later
Because I needed something calming, less people staring and unnoticeable.

Now
Can I please go to my corner and cry a lil bit?
Please...

Random Post

I missed the joy to camwhore 'kau-kau' and do product review. There seems to be too much to handle lately, both work and life. With the Bah-Bee Gang - a group set up by some friends t plan for food outings, with events, with yoga and in-between bazaars and catching up with friends. And running errands!!!! Yeaks!

 I am practically left with this much time ( ----) for myself. And it's not doing good, because I have again started to doze off while driving -__- There was once that I even managed to dream fighting with a customer to get payment O.o

Anyway, keep reading YourShoppingKaki for more upcoming review! I am excited with my current products to review and am slowly trying to get one review up a week :)

LUS V-Line and S-Line - Sponsored by Supermodels Secrets

SANA Face Slimming Gel. Yeah! I need this much! Sponsored by Supermodels Secrets

Seamless kawaii bangs - Sponsored by Supermodels Secrets

Gorgeous hair extension - Sponsored by Melody Love Fashion

Playful Lingerie - Sponsored by Sexy Saucy Spicy ( i am not sure how to even review this yet!)

On a random note, I am pondering hard if I should get this sheer mesh loose top? Oooh so airy and so me!! But I wonder how many people would hate seeing me always in semi sheer apparels =D

Wei Ni of Peep is getting more and more creative with ehr fabulous product shots nowadays! And don't you love those Nicki Minaj white wig?  =D  :<3 <3 <3