Tiring

Being Asian and especially being Chinese, it;s no surprise that my presence doesn't make much difference in a family. The brother in the family is always favoured on top of anything. And at the age of 33 and doing odd job and have a long string of drug addiction and criminal cases, he is still the most important cell in an Asian family.

No, I don't live with the drug addict. I am glad I didn't. But I can't run away being in a troubled Asian family. And I hate it. Because of all this shit, I didn't even study much. People say if you are determined enough, you would look into doing a part time study and make it up. Well, I am glad I have a stricter mind than a daughter in a typical troubled Chinese family. As I did not turn myself into a prostitute or being the girlfriend of any useless drug junkies.

I have an ordinary life. And I chose not to pursue anymore education. Let's be practical, I don't think I will have the mind to study when I cannot foresee if there is food to serve for the coming week. I would like to say I worked hard throughout my life. Harder than a lot of people. Sometimes I do slack. After all who is not tired? I have been working for so long and taking in as much opportunity as I could as I cannot bear to have a day where I cannot put food at home.

I still am no where in the working world. But I have a better life and can afford things that not all can sometimes. Throughout my life I have also pass off a lot of opportunity in life and at work. Because I have a string attached - to this old woman at home.

Sometimes I think it's karma. I must have not been a good person in past life perhaps. Since young, I was always thrown in with lots of words of comparison, that the neighbour's daughter is going to which university, that the neighbours' son is dating a well-off girl. That they neighbour is a slut. Each time I would take in all this and question myself and assume I am supposed to benchmark myself against it. So, I did not get to go to the university and the neighbour's daughter get to, what does that makes me? Useless? So the neighbour's son got a rich daughter? And hence me, in my state now where I reside in a remote and shameful area, am I supposed to get a well off man in my life?
I don't know. I just  don't know. All I know is that everyone is just fairing better than I do. I guess she have been meaning to tell me in a different angle that I am just no good. No good for the family and perhaps the neighbourhood.

I have missed out so much job opportunities and relationship who can get me ouf of this stupid country. but I just had to forgo. As I owe the old woman at home my life which I have to repay.
After all, who is going to pay if not me? She still have to work hard for the drug addict son as he regularly ask for RM30 for food! At 33 and asking for RM30 from a 65 years old mum, I guess there is some karma bond between these two.

I don't owe this son of my mum my life. If he has a kidney failure, I can understand and perhaps I can chip in some money. All he has is a bad attitude derived from a long term addiction and a thai girl friend and a big inability to even survive.

My mum still bitch about me in front of everyone she sees. According to her I am useless. I am disrespectful. I am the equivalent of the 'son of a bitch' Guess who is the bitch? Pot calling the kettle black.
I still remember every Chinese New Year when nosy relatives asked about her son, she would happily let them know the son is a step to being a better person, as he got a job. As a jockey. A bartender. An escort to prostitute. WTF.
And the daughter who lives with her? Oh well, she is just someone who live with her and nothing to brag. I don't need her to brag anyway. No one will understand what is a Business Development Manager. No one understand my strength in marketing and social network marketing too. No one knows that I write. All everyone know is that I am a useless disrespectful person whom my mum said never talk to her. She always reminded me that I will go to hell for my act towards her.

I am very depressed with my state of life. In fact till today I always have the tendency to end my life. Most of the time I wonder how does it feel to slit the wrist and die. But I can't go unless she go first.
I cannot tell you how tired am I in my life. How insecure I am towards life. And how I felt so useless that dying seems to be the only option. I am still hampering on this.

I am getting married to a person who love me a lot. But I think I have chosen this path not because of love. Call me crude, but I needed to get her a 'son' who can love her better than her own useless one. And I want to be out of this circle. I am very tired. I cried at the end of every day but I tried best to console myself that this is just life like anyone else. Everyday I have to think 3 years ahead with my meagre capacity while constantly being reminded that I am useless.  

This is like a losing battle and I can see no end.
I am so tired....

Wonders of those colorful chemical contents

Was browsing thru Promise Phan's page after aeons of not going in to check out her amazing makeover and spotted these contributions from the readers.

And yes, no one can deny the wonders of cosmetic. I for sure cannot live without it. Natural beauty apparently doesn't always apply to everyone. And I am the lesser fortunate one. 

Merry X'mas Post (without greetings)

Less than 2 weeks to the wedding day and I am a UK16 now.
Bagus!! Am totyally hopeless now on how do I deal with this.
No freaking idea what kinda shit have gone into me... :(

Aside from cutting off my Indian Classical dance session and having REGULAR lunches and latte, nothing really changes, but the expanding waistlline... Sigh, blaming this on old age :(
Don't think I want to go back to marathon running whihc is really dry and boring!

Attended Tracylyn's event in MMediviron with the MAIN INTENTION to check out the HCG treatment. At RM2200 for a 22 days treatment, it doesn't sound too pricey, but the thought of having to bring home sets of syringes and self inject daily is just not as easy to digest as it sound.
And those online review about HCG treatment didn't contribute much to how the injection works. hmmpphh

Little White Party in Mediviron UOA hosted by Tracylyn

The skills of a professional selfie artist - cannot see the real fat in an OOTD shot!

Went for a face analysis. Reminder to self - you are turning 35 in 2014, please do something about your skin before it sags to the floor! Been more than 6 months that I did not patronise any facial centre. Seriously, does every girl goes for facial? I always believe it's a luxury and somehow I feel that there must be those who cannot afford such a luxury and yet am still able to have good skin. No? Sigh.. it's hard to be a female!

Not even going to elaborate

Quinoa isn't my type of food :/

Protein much? 

One of the taobao.com dress arrived. Yes! Because I am not mainstream liddat =D

No way am I going to invest RM3888 into a one-day dress and brag in Facebook and any other possible platform that I have a dress with 1200 pieces of Swarovski yada yada.

Ladies and gentleman, here's my 'multi-way' RM288 online purchased dress which I can re-wear after wedding simply by taking off the piece of bulky train! XD

Custom sized some more to fit a UK16 (not happy!)

Took me forever to finish up the wedding invites  as I have so much work at work that I don't want to come home and start cutting brown paper to do envelopes. Decided that I am not giving out most invites. Instead will just have it placed on the table for the guest to bring home and use as bookmarks.

*random*

Hello to KennySia's gf!! 

Thought I will give you a holla here so you can reply later on XD

How was your wedding preparation?? ;)

I Just Don't Know

There really isn't much for me to update now that I have only work to spend my life into :(
I am not complaining, literally. (opened a box of grape in the fridge and there's cottony mold)
Because after all, I do find joy in work and powering up the mind to something that can be measured.
Can't be btiching much also in case my humble lil' post are made known to those who is under the same roof - despite the smattering of English that they can master -_-

It's not great it's not a total failure, but there obviously is something wrong with how things is supposed to go about. I don't get how they operate, neither do they get why I act in certain manner. But then, sometimes i don't know why I act in certain manner too. Of late, I take longer time to think of my act to cover all concern and trying to ensure I don't wreck balls like Miley :(
I DON'T KNOW! I JUST DON'T KNOW!



I am listening to a long emo story of a 90 years old granny who will be sent to the old folks home by the 5 well to-do children, despite her ability to be able to walk and lead her own life. Such is life that we will not be able to predict what life will bring in to us ;(
For a moment, I cried. I don't know what is in front for me. I don't know to what extend I will live my life. I hate to think about what lies 24 months ahead. I believe I don't have the ability to do so. Because I equally hate to self-dissapoint if what I have in mind does not meet with what is about to occur.

Life is sometimes not complicated if you choose not to be, but there is this inadequate feeling that sometimes drives you to believe that life isn't that breezy as we want it to be.
Perhaps I am tired. My boss said I am negative :(  perghhhhhh....
Perhaps I am at times. I don't know too. Perhaps I am just a lil' bit expressive, I would like to assume =D
Perhaps I work best when stressed.

After reading about the Yakult ladies, I felt like I want to be one too!
I just don't know what's wrong with me.
Perhaps it's a warm Saturday and I have yet to down any scrambled egg down my throat and I am feeling a that lil' bit of sting from my tooth ;(

Meanwhile,

preparing for another blogpost in YourShoppingKaki and joining the HTC Halloween Snap-a-pic

Lunch today was meh....half way thru it, it was all soaked up..

Why is The Big Bang Theory so amazingly funny!?

And to end this post;

Have a better week than mine yeah! :)

Less than a 100 days

I think I have less than 100 days to prepare and nothing have been done.

Not even selecting pictures from these thumbnails!

And no, this is not a post, merely a bump up to make the blog alive abit :P