Me a Crybaby??

I am adamant that I have been of a very strong character thought the years that I live as a human.
I have endured so much tho not as much as many other more unfortunate ones. But nevertheless I have gone thru a lot of things in life which makes me stronger and instill a certain traits of behaviour in me.
I do cry when I look back at things that have occured. I cry of regret. I cry of sympathy.. but i know most of the time I cry of tiredness..
I am tired.. really tired of fighting..
It has come to my realisation also sometimes that little things that occurs do give you an insight of people and give you a better view of your own expectation in many aspects..
When Pa died, I cry of regret. So regretted that I did not do much more than I could when he is alive. Now i till cry. I think I should do better. I really do think I should..

I cry when my money in the bank is depleting. I cry in fear.
In fear that I would not have suficient fund to shoulder all the responsibilities under me.The utilities, the house, the loans, the old lady at home, the fuel! By then my cry of fear turn to regret. Regretting to not even bother to do better in what I do now or get a new platform of work that provides more means of income.
But I am blessed with a very good boss who took care of me in times of bad. Who tries her very best to ensure I don't commit suicide out of anxiety or depression. Who even takes the time to come all the way from nowhere to get me home safely when my car broke down.

I cry in depression, when I am faced with a dateline or a target that I am bound to fail in achieving. Again, kiasuness is taking charge of my mind. I keep telling that I should do better and there should be no obstacles to whatever that I am to go thru. but its never a bed of roses. Eventually I learnt to take a deep breath and talk myself out of it. Reminding myself that things do happen for a reason. And a visually bad result does not necessarily mean the what-will-happen-next is goin to be bad too.. It may. But let's hope that It wont. Ya, I am trying to be positive.

And today I cried again.. Hmmm.. i seem a cry baby..
I cried.. because I no longer am able to take up the stress of having my car breaking down so often than my mentsruation.
It was a cry of tiredness. it's never so much about the car. It's when you realise the person that you thought is the person who will be by your side, it doesnt need to be all the time, only at times when you need them.. decides that there is more better things to do than be by your side and share your fear in handling a broken down car..and it took so much time of negotiation wether it's worth their time to even be by your side... which woke me.. I know what I needed then..
I don't need a passionate lover if you can't be one. I don't need your money tho I am in desperation to rake as much money to survive. I don't even need you to be a 24/7 company as I believe in individual moments at certain situation.
I am not weak. Wait, I may be weak sometimes.. After all I am born with a brain and breasts. So I come attached with some emotional quotient..
When you only can share good moments and not bad times together, it really does clears up everything in my mind.. I just have to come to conclusion that I would have to settle these arising issues during bad times on myself and move on, with or without you doesn't matter..
By the time I realises this, I no longer cry in frustration. I cry in awe because I have learnt something new again today..oh!! and I think I do not hold any grudges towards you. You are just you in your 'selfish' self. And I am just me who can always rely on the mechanic who repeatedly cheated my money till my credit cards goes off limits.. but at least the mechanic will come when I call...
And to all friends who called and make sure I was not abducted by any machas in a secluded petrol station in the midst of nowhere.. thanks.. at least u all care.. :)

:)

Post Hanoi Trip - Jan 10th 2009

ribbons to accesorise

self made head gear

neckwear

accessories

more accessories

self made accessories

fake accessories

cheap items as accessories

more cheap stuffs

flowers

all accessories used up :)



we made the stuff :)

When Amoi weds Macha

20 february 2009
Twas the day a macha held his wedding reception with ASP Ngiam.
Which prompted me to think about my life...
IF. IF. one day I managed to get myself married off to someone who can take my rambling, my constant nags, my constant fear towards a lot of stuff and my equally high demand (on bed) :P , I want to have an Indian wedding :D

Yup, INDIAN wedding. Obviously that would involves an Indian spouse :D
Which sane Chinese lame-arse would want to have an Indian ceremony fpr their wedding for no particular reason?

The very interesting Indian genes that I have in me.. I dun really get it also, why am I so enthralled to go thru everything Indian. I eat tosai, I learn odissi, I have an Indian name (sometime), I listen to carnatic music, and I know a lil bit of aartis and bhajans , jangan main-main... it's like I am certain I am destined to be one.. and I want to be one.. :)

It amazes me, everytime i set my foot into an Indian temple, I love the freedom of mind it gave me. I felt so at peace with the tranquility of the space and the coldness of the mosaic floor. And I love Chindian kids :D

Well I hate children to be honest. But I think I can bear having Chindan kids of my own. And I am sure they would look superbly gorgeous regardless of how the daddy looked like :) cos I am gorgeous wut!! Wait... that is IF. IF i can be married off :( cis.........

Suren and Ming
Li Li

Maya

Carrie , Maya

macha, amois and minah

we are hot!!

hot!

the science class

more amois and a minah

convention of science geeks

we are still single :D

single with boobs

Nude is Good

And there they go again.... wasting columns in the paper publicising on wakil rakyat who was caught witht heir legs open.. I think it's gonna last for a couple of weeks till the MP decides step down or commit suicide due to extreme stress..

For heaven sake, it's only a picture of a middle age lady sleeping !!!!!!!! naked. why the frak is the fuss??

but i supposed, living in this nation where the Prime Mnister rather plant a ciku tree in the name of officiating some smart school dedicated for the not so smart people, than to brainstorm on what is to be implemented for a more developed nation.. nothing is impossible..

And so a Miss Wong who is the wakil of the rakyats in a small town got her not-s0-notti-yet-not- hot pics out in the public.. and there is all this fuss from everywhere to ask her to step down bla bla, bla... then some silly tv station also interviews the public on how they felt.... well, obviouslly the men may get their dick hard. No? Instead there are rambling os dissapointment that the YB actually did such a 'gross' thing. I don't get it. What is the 'gross' thing they are talking about?

Since i do not have a clue as to how the pics are... or if its more obscene than poses that I can do :P I assume the only nasty pose the woman can do is accidentally opened her feet a bit too wide than the normal standing position.. But hey!! all of us do so too when we are on the bed wut..... not all sleeps like snow white..

IF, if, if .... one day tu kan, I got my pics exposed, how would I feel? hmm.... I cant really tell how would I feel. But if i were to presume that these may happen, I guess I would have to slim down a bit, create more curves and make sure I am photogenic enough with my labia facing the public.. then I would be contented to have show the world how hot and hence proud i am of my sexuality and prowess on nude scene... woolalalala... :D

Anyhow, dear Miss Wong the leader of Bukit Lanjiao, please do not be despair. The place which we resides here is a rotten piece of onion. They are merely so distracted by the freedom we have in our lifestyles. While most of their offspring are caught red-handed in the bushes having oral sex under the tudung, I think you are sooo cool to have a fling with a young guy :D cool!!!

As for the nude part, nah, it's nothing. At least you have proved yourself hot!

And I shall herewith post a pic of a hot!!!!!!!!!!! boobs which caught my sight..

Hanoi - I morphed..

TADA !!!!!

Hanoi - A Picture A Day

That Thing with 4 Wheels

Its pre-Thaipusam today. Traffics are unbearable... Took me almost an hour watching flocks of cars being stagnant at the Batu caves roundabout. The jam also almost took the life of my humble little car.. I must admit I have not been taking any good care of the car in my possession over the years.. And reaching its 7th anniversary soon, where I will be released from the bonding of loan, THAT humble little car is almost resembling a metal scrap..

It really isn't my fault. Its the other driver's fault. They knocked me. They reverse on me. It's THEM. Not ME. Since the previous overhauling which caused a burn in my pocket.. I have learnt how to look at the indicator with a termometer next to the odometer. Still!!! I realised one very important thing.. even if i know how to see when the temperature is rising, what can I do????
I am stuck in the freakin jam!!!

There are many morals to learn from thihs incident. That being girls , u either get a boyfriend who can save you in bad times like this. or make sure you have enough money to order a new car . But, i think I will choose the money option. Otherwise, one can also opt to learn more about cars.. hmm..took me 5 years to realise that you need to check for water level in some compartment near where the engines are..

So, let's go car shopping. Anyone??

Strike Strike Strike !!!

Everyone wants to be Prime Minister,
Every Minister want to rake more money.
Every white collared worker don't find it funny,
When the employer says days are no longer sunny,
And here I am wishing upon my first monthly lottery !!

STRIKE STRIKE STRIKE !!!!