Yesterday I was someone. But I always thought that I am Suetha the Indian Classical Dancer. Then today I am Suhana. Day before I was Suet Mun. Welcome to my alter ego page..

Yours truly,
Suhana Suetha

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Purpose


All this long holidays are not doing me good.
So much eating and no activities. It's already Wednesday now. And tomorrow is Thursday.
The financial year end just ended. And there is a new year ahead.

Sometimes it is rather irritating to comprehend to this cycle that involves life, work, and everything that's literally, practically comes in a circular motion. There's birthday every year. So are new years. Chinese New Year, the Sikh New Year, malay New Year and all the new years that you can get. Then there is a beginning of a new calendar year. A new financial year for an operating company.

It's totally a big, never ending cycle. Every year, you have 1,23 strangers in Facebook to greet you Happy Birthday while you secretly hopes for a boyfriend / girlfriend. In my case, I hope to have more prosperity =P. And you blow some candles, eat some cakes and the next day is just another day. That you may or may not look forward to. But it is just another day. And the boyfriend / girlfriend is nowhere to be seen. In my case, I am still not prospering.

Then you have all the new years for all the race in the whole wide world. And you lit some lights, or sing some carols and burn some joss sticks and make more resolution for the coming phase of life - which is the new year after. And tomorrow is still the same. You go to work. Use your brain and work your ass off.

At each financial year end, there are targets to meet before it ends. And when it does end, there are more targets to meet for the next financial year end. So when exactly do I get a shit breather? And so now, while the financial year end is due to end tomorrow (1st Sept) I am now working on reports and marketing campaigns in order to attempt to achieve the next year target.

I.am.tired. Perhaps I slept too much. Perhaps I ate too much.

I sometimes wonder.
What is the purpose? The purpose of living. The purpose of life.
Of living a routine life. Going home to a stash of laundry that needs to be washed and folded later on.
Going thru the fridge to find something edible. Only to find nothing.

Having seated and start planning for the day after.
While feeling so bloated from eating stuff that the neighbours passes on. And this adds more issues to think about. Should I drink some laxative and kill the bloating? Would I get fat from constantly eating free passed on food. If I do turn fat, how do I face this cruel working world where looks matter before you can start talking about your big master grand plan in corporatising batik. but of course, there are some not very good looking people selling batik. And they usually do not score the deals as much...

The matter of the point here is not about me feeling fat, mind you. It's just a metaphor to

For the past couple of months, all I could think of is making enough to live a better life. but damn... I just realised, nothing is ever enough. And when is enough actually enough? Because it is still not enough as at now.
I worked till wee hours. I freelance in between meals and conversation and toilet time and sometimes travel time. Then I go home and administer this Pasar Night where I deal with jerks who send me gentle reminders that they need money to pay for room rental and need to sell of their impulse clothes purchases. ( seriously, who ask you to buy clothes when you cant afford room rents?). Occasionally I deal with non-business minded 
cowards who want to make it but don't want to risk breaking anything and relenting to let me utilise my expertise in reaching their goals and my goals.

I know I can't conquer the world. You may conquer the whatever Himalaya or Everest shit, but that's not considered as conquering world. At least not even with a purpose if you ask me.

I remembered reading somewhere about a Rinpoche in Nepal or Tibet that tells about the story of the King of Bhutan who does not allow any sources of external exposure like television or any form of media to reach it's people. And the people were happy with their current state of  life. Most probably eating big fat juicy rats caught in some molehills and still happy. Until the day when Nepal or Tibet (I can't recall) decides to open its door for modernisation and the people gets a feel of the outside world, they start to question and compare their state of life with others out there. I supposed they are like me in my current situation too- what the hell am I doing now, and what is the entire purpose of eating juicy rats when people are eating this juicy Grilled Chicken Burgers from McD.

I was about to continue writing this in much sorrow when I was remembered something. About this person whom I have avoided because of the constant preaching I get from her on how perfect her life is and how me, and perhaps everyone else in the community should follow her steps in attaining nirvana-hood to a perfect life. She never have praises about others, but only to herself. And most probably her IT gadgets. She can go on and on about her greatness. I followed the flow of this murky river till one day I decides that enough is enough. Why would I want to continue bathing myself in a murky river when there is a sea of fresh water out there. And so life goes on for me and the rest of us who felt that it is better off to stay out of this negative stash of Thing. I totally forgotten about this person existence until she made some metaphoric comparison that resembles me in this small lil world of Facebook.

I learnt something despite my grudges today - that I have long learnt to let go of things deem unnecessary and look forward to more things ahead. Meanwhile,some people kept standing at the murky bay splashing water hoping that the fishes would come to the shore ;) We made a conclusion. We (some mutual friends) concluded that this person is seriously not happy about her own life hence she have to distract own self with unimportant things like forever holding grudges to unnecessary humans like me or any other person who have avoided her regal nagging.

I should be grateful I managed to escape from the murky water. And have lots of great friends around me who takes me as it is. I should be grateful that I still have a job that outsiders can see how passionate I am when talking about what I do. I should also be grateful that I at least own a roof and a vehicle unlike the anneh who guards the apartment unit in return of some Rukun Tetangga allowance to make ends meet.

I think I may have an objective in this humble little life of mine - to compliment those that I bump into thru out my journey in life..

great friends for life ;)       |        the VRNDA album that I finally managed to get hold of




Happy Ganesha Chaturthi!


Namaste




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