Yesterday I was someone. But I always thought that I am Suetha the Indian Classical Dancer. Then today I am Suhana. Day before I was Suet Mun. Welcome to my alter ego page..

Yours truly,
Suhana Suetha

Saturday, July 11, 2009

These Weekends are made to Ponder..

Weekends are scary. Idylic weekends are meant for shopping, having brunch, making out, picnicking, do some hobbies..
I ponders on weekends.. -____-
And this weekend I again ponder.. this time about death, death after and its effect on the people around the one who is dead.
Should one give a thought about it and make some planning? Or shall these matter be left to attend only when it arrives? Have you ever wondered what are you to do when your Ma or pa died? And you don't have much of an extended families. The aunties and uncles that you have last seen are most probably during last year reunion dinner, and none of their contact numbers are stored in the phone. To top it of, you do not even have a significant other whom you can turn to and purrs out .. " Baby.. what do I do? ma seems like she gonna drop dead. me scared!! Baby!! help!"
So what do you do when the situation strikes? I tried to strategically plan out what can I do shall one day I be faced with the issue.
Insurance - None
Savings - not even suffice to purchase a pair of Manolos
Significant others - None
Credit card - minimal credit limit, maximum debt limit.
Extended family contacts - none
Neighbours - I hate them
Wills - did i mentioned earlier that savings' not even suffice for a pair of manolos?
Ex- significant others : self-centred / married / dead in plane crash / infertile / poor / losers
Car - yes I have.
Friends - taboo / left for overseas / self-centred / self centred / lazy
So what do I do?
When I was 10, I only want to play and eat quaill's egg, which resulted me to balloon up, lives on Ma's earning
When I was 20, I only want to look good, score good results in college and impress the guys, lives on own earning's doing odd jobs.
When I am 30, I still want to look good, impress more guys, and probably make some money and drive a Merc when i reaches 33. (well that's me. some can afford a Merc at the tender age of 27 if they so willingly get an older but richer significant-others-for-rent.)
And so, that's how time passes.
In between there isn't much things being done.

I hate pigeons holes. I stays in pigeons holes :S

Did the Kl Marathon, saw kennysia, and lost to a recuperating tumour patient who just recovered. She clocked in at 1.16 hrs. me? 1.34hrs :( bahhh...

I dont know how much time am I left with. I also have no clue how much time does Ma have. Don't get me wrong. I do love Ma despite the all-time grunts I throw at her. After all, I came out from her hole. So I got to make sure she is compensated for making a hole big enough for me to leap out. By at least taking care of her in her old age. I may not did a very good job. but I think its' decently reasonable compared to a lot of weird people out there who rape their old age mom before running off with the last 60 bucks in the Mum's purse to get a fix of amphetamine. I believe there are also others who still expect their Ma to work her arse off just so that they need not work so hard to get some pocket money. Despite being 25 years old and with good physical organs, but a slightly messed up IQ..

And so I was saying, how do one cope if the other person under his / her care dropped dead?
How would I react to it? I tried to visualise. I can't really describe what actions will I be taking. Should I start with a wail first? Then should I start regretting tihngs that I have not accomplished to the dying person? later only do I call the relatives or the mortuary to inform them I have a body to bury?
What is the actual chronology? what do I do? .. I don't know..
But I sure hope it doesn't happen too fast. Please no.. because while thinking of these- the dying, the what to do and not to do, some other issues arises.. What have I actually done to make a difference in me, myself, the people around me and those lesser fortunate people whom God sent down so that more fortunate people can build some karma riding on the lesser fortunate people (why do I always have to complicate things?)
Tadak apa apa

Dammit !! Again for the 1000th times I just realised again after again that I have yet to make any changes or the hungry orphans, the lonely old folks, the mocking Ma at home, and most importantly to myself..

I hope this is the last ponder.. I cant be pondering anymore on the same thing and get myself bored of my boring ponders..
And so I have something up in the sleeve already ( besides ditching the macha).

Have a good weekend. but nothing better than mine, please. :)

woot! I saw something that I ought to do already!

sometimes I felt like a dog. I just wander and ponder aimlessly, only stopping to go to the loo and continue pondering..

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