Purpose

All this long holidays are not doing me good.
So much eating and no activities. It's already Wednesday now. And tomorrow is Thursday.
The financial year end just ended. And there is a new year ahead.

Sometimes it is rather irritating to comprehend to this cycle that involves life, work, and everything that's literally, practically comes in a circular motion. There's birthday every year. So are new years. Chinese New Year, the Sikh New Year, malay New Year and all the new years that you can get. Then there is a beginning of a new calendar year. A new financial year for an operating company.

It's totally a big, never ending cycle. Every year, you have 1,23 strangers in Facebook to greet you Happy Birthday while you secretly hopes for a boyfriend / girlfriend. In my case, I hope to have more prosperity =P. And you blow some candles, eat some cakes and the next day is just another day. That you may or may not look forward to. But it is just another day. And the boyfriend / girlfriend is nowhere to be seen. In my case, I am still not prospering.

Then you have all the new years for all the race in the whole wide world. And you lit some lights, or sing some carols and burn some joss sticks and make more resolution for the coming phase of life - which is the new year after. And tomorrow is still the same. You go to work. Use your brain and work your ass off.

At each financial year end, there are targets to meet before it ends. And when it does end, there are more targets to meet for the next financial year end. So when exactly do I get a shit breather? And so now, while the financial year end is due to end tomorrow (1st Sept) I am now working on reports and marketing campaigns in order to attempt to achieve the next year target.

I.am.tired. Perhaps I slept too much. Perhaps I ate too much.

I sometimes wonder.
What is the purpose? The purpose of living. The purpose of life.
Of living a routine life. Going home to a stash of laundry that needs to be washed and folded later on.
Going thru the fridge to find something edible. Only to find nothing.

Having seated and start planning for the day after.
While feeling so bloated from eating stuff that the neighbours passes on. And this adds more issues to think about. Should I drink some laxative and kill the bloating? Would I get fat from constantly eating free passed on food. If I do turn fat, how do I face this cruel working world where looks matter before you can start talking about your big master grand plan in corporatising batik. but of course, there are some not very good looking people selling batik. And they usually do not score the deals as much...

The matter of the point here is not about me feeling fat, mind you. It's just a metaphor to

For the past couple of months, all I could think of is making enough to live a better life. but damn... I just realised, nothing is ever enough. And when is enough actually enough? Because it is still not enough as at now.
I worked till wee hours. I freelance in between meals and conversation and toilet time and sometimes travel time. Then I go home and administer this Pasar Night where I deal with jerks who send me gentle reminders that they need money to pay for room rental and need to sell of their impulse clothes purchases. ( seriously, who ask you to buy clothes when you cant afford room rents?). Occasionally I deal with non-business minded 
cowards who want to make it but don't want to risk breaking anything and relenting to let me utilise my expertise in reaching their goals and my goals.

I know I can't conquer the world. You may conquer the whatever Himalaya or Everest shit, but that's not considered as conquering world. At least not even with a purpose if you ask me.

I remembered reading somewhere about a Rinpoche in Nepal or Tibet that tells about the story of the King of Bhutan who does not allow any sources of external exposure like television or any form of media to reach it's people. And the people were happy with their current state of  life. Most probably eating big fat juicy rats caught in some molehills and still happy. Until the day when Nepal or Tibet (I can't recall) decides to open its door for modernisation and the people gets a feel of the outside world, they start to question and compare their state of life with others out there. I supposed they are like me in my current situation too- what the hell am I doing now, and what is the entire purpose of eating juicy rats when people are eating this juicy Grilled Chicken Burgers from McD.

I was about to continue writing this in much sorrow when I was remembered something. About this person whom I have avoided because of the constant preaching I get from her on how perfect her life is and how me, and perhaps everyone else in the community should follow her steps in attaining nirvana-hood to a perfect life. She never have praises about others, but only to herself. And most probably her IT gadgets. She can go on and on about her greatness. I followed the flow of this murky river till one day I decides that enough is enough. Why would I want to continue bathing myself in a murky river when there is a sea of fresh water out there. And so life goes on for me and the rest of us who felt that it is better off to stay out of this negative stash of Thing. I totally forgotten about this person existence until she made some metaphoric comparison that resembles me in this small lil world of Facebook.

I learnt something despite my grudges today - that I have long learnt to let go of things deem unnecessary and look forward to more things ahead. Meanwhile,some people kept standing at the murky bay splashing water hoping that the fishes would come to the shore ;) We made a conclusion. We (some mutual friends) concluded that this person is seriously not happy about her own life hence she have to distract own self with unimportant things like forever holding grudges to unnecessary humans like me or any other person who have avoided her regal nagging.

I should be grateful I managed to escape from the murky water. And have lots of great friends around me who takes me as it is. I should be grateful that I still have a job that outsiders can see how passionate I am when talking about what I do. I should also be grateful that I at least own a roof and a vehicle unlike the anneh who guards the apartment unit in return of some Rukun Tetangga allowance to make ends meet.

I think I may have an objective in this humble little life of mine - to compliment those that I bump into thru out my journey in life..

great friends for life ;)       |        the VRNDA album that I finally managed to get hold of

Happy Ganesha Chaturthi!

Namaste

When Your Heads Are In Between The Legs

I can't recall how many months have I been doing Yoga in Swarupa (nop, not by Miss Swarupa apparently). And I can't possibly write a journal about yoga and me. Because.. standing fat at 70kg, there really isn't much to boast about me (the 70kgs one) and yoga.

But I have been enjoying each session very much. It is a much more productive activity to do than to sit in front of the PC Facebooking and writing blogs.
Which reminds me, The Star paper today had an article that mentions that a study have shown that those who watches TV for more than  2hours aday reduces their life span by 22 minutes per 2 hours of watching TV. I wonder if the same theory applies to stalking Facebook. Because that involves lots of heavy sitting in front of another Idiot Screen..And I could have been shortened off my life for at least 4 hours a day.

 A session of workshop conducted in Swarupa Yoga Studio

I can't really judge if I am doing my asanas (poses) correctly as it's pretty subjective.
I mean when you are asked to roll your shoulder back and then drop it down again and lift your neck and look forward and tuck your butt in and push your chest out... just how much do you roll your shoulder back and how droop is a drop shoulder and and how do you correlate a tucked butt and hip while keeping the chest abreast. It is a pretty complicated relationship of all the bodily parts.

But overall, despite a challenge to self correct, it is truly an enjoyable session nevertheless. I have become accustomed to tadasanas with a rolled back and dropped down later shoulder =D
Many people have been asking me where did I go for my yoga and if I managed to slim down after the session. I have no scientific prove to tell you what yoga really does. In fact till now, I do not really know what does it really do except to boast my own ego (in being able to follow instruction and perform asanas correctly) without much hassle. Yes, it is an ego-booster. For me.

vraksana

When you realise that you are able to perform certain stances and hold on to it till guruji finished correcting everyone, how can you not be so proud of yourself!! OK, perhaps by now you would think that I am super Kiasu. But for a person who relies of KPI (key performance index) at work and every action needs to garner results, being able to achieve the asanas really did bring much hope to the sometimes miserable life! Not being able to achieve a constant sales of RM300,000 on a monthly basis sometimes (or most of the time) do kill your confidence ALOT. And it is good to be able to leave the work and sales stress off a bit with some Pranayama and asanas over the weekend.

downward dog

Swarupa Yoga is located in Bangsar, along the main stretch of Telawi. Needless to say it is a must stop destination for yogis who wants a lil bit of the BKS Iyengar mode of yoga teaching. And Iyengar Yoga is Mr BKS Iyengar style of teaching accumulated throughout his practise as a yogi. I wouldn't know what  is the difference between one guruji and another guruji because this is my first introduction to the world of yoga and I think I am pretty comfortable with the amount of stretches I am getting here. To know more what it is all about, go HERE 

sethu bhandha sarvangasana

If you do know me as a friend personally, I am sure you know I have a lot of mental distress. I am easily stressed about work, what I wear, what I say and literally, practically everything that I can look upon to get stressed at. And having sales target more often than not stress me the most that I normally have nightmares on how I got hit by a mouse while doing sales report. There are also time when I dream of having heart attack while meeting customers. But I am most stressed when I heard rumours about how shirts that I measured and tailored cannot fit nicely. That really is a confidence bummer =(

I am relieved to say that now most of the stress that bugs me still bugs me of course. But with a heave of breath, I am now more tolerable to the amount of pressure thrown to me. I don't know if this is good or bad because there are times when I am able to take things more relaxed and it leads to procrastination =P

As at now I am still 70kgs and still eating. So I can't really tell you that you will be able to achieve a lean and super slender 45kg you. But I can see the rest of the yogis in the advance classes are as lean as a roll of chee cheong fun, if you need to be assured of. 

One day, I hope to be able to achieve this without heart attack..

To share this interesting excerpt from a friend's philosophical thought about yoga

Yoga - a kind of witchcraft, yeah I hope I can purge out ringgit note when doing my asanas if it is a kind of withcraft -_-

Don't you hate it when you stumble upon people who loves to pick a topic to stir and does not use the idylic time to ponder what can they do to enhance / improve their life or go help some poor orphans and old uncles in the old folks home. Instead, they sit and home and start bantering about nitty griity issues on how picking a nose is a sin, taekwondo is satanic, or perhaps falling in love is a cultish thing to do.. urgghh

And with a short invocation to Sage Patanjali, you can now start your yoga session ;)

Yogena cittasya 

padena vacam 

malam  sarirasya ca vaidyakena 

yopakarottam  pravaram muninam 

patanjalim  pranajaliranato'smi 

abahu purusakaram  

sankha cakrasi dharinamsahasra 

sirasam  svetam pranamami patanjalim.

Namaste

When Gadgets Beats the Minyak Angin

Sometimes we are so engrossed in wanting to pamper ourself. Wanting to reward ourself. Giving reason that we deserve to get those little luxury in life just because we worked hard non-stop for the  past week. 

For the past 3 weeks, there have been so many justifiable reason on why I need these. 

A Samsung galaxy Tab

which I have no idea what it does. I seriously thought it is a phone. But it seems too big to be one -__-

But I also desperately need a new laptop. Perhaps I don't need one yet. Perhaps it is this juxtaposed impression forcefully created by the idyllic mind that I need some material worthy item to quench the material thirst. My Dell Inspiron is still running good as at now. Despite having many of the keypads out of prints and out of place.

Dell Vostro 

I have been thinking that the common appointment to meet new clients would be a better session if I can go with an Ipad instead of a 60 pages photocopied in color profile, which more often than not,I have to risk  giving it away as people seemed too impressed with the catalgous not to ask for a copy ;)
An Ipad would save me the trouble from having to comb bind a set each time I have to see potential clients.

Ipad 2 

It is at this moment I am looking at all avenues to earn the extra stash of moolah to get these splurge. I don't know. I really do think that I deserve to reward myself with at least one of it. And I made a self promise to make good of it. Like, write more review post, do more quotes to increase sales, camwhore better so people can come to a pretty blog with nice pictures ;)

Well, yeah.. I have a stash of cash in the bank. And I don't think I will die if I spend it on one. Or two item for the fact.

But when I look at Ma, with a Counterpain tube in her hand, reading at instructions, my impulse to self-reward vanishes. 

I forgot. I really have forgotten. 

To always be grateful. And to be contented.

With whatever that I already have. 

I almost lost myself again. And again. And yet again.. to temptations.

Yes, I do deserve a lot of things that I do not posses. And I think Ma deserves a lot of things too.

And so does everyone else. Who deserves a better life. But life is never that smooth sailing for everyone.

While it  doesn't hurt my ass to fork a couple of thousand on gadgets that most probably will not affect my current state of life, it's hurting to know that I actually have a lurking mind to have a toy when  I have neglected Ma's need. OK, maybe I have not neglected (it sounds really bad), but I can't justify anymore reason to splurge on personal needs.

It is sad to see Ma only uses the basic stuff in life. Basic spectacles, dentist only when it's gotten too serious a tooth pain, basic traditional ointment and such.

And it is equally sad when the anneh have to wash cars for RM5 per car from 9.30pm onwards till midnite. Where most probably his stupid son is somewhere in Jinjang area planning fights. 

And it is a pain to see illegal car washer from India who have to share a RM8 wages from a car washed among 4 people. And they seem to wear the same clothing everyday.

And more often than not, I lost appetitie when in queue to buy mix rice, where the lowly paid lorry driver had a big mountain of rice with lots of gravy and and a single dish.

And here I am wishing for this electronic gadget which most probably can feed the lorry driver 3 months worth of nasi briyani, the car washer some decent attire, and proper meal too perhaps. 

I feel bad. Really bad. 

I will not wish further and more than what I have..

For now that is..

Sticking Worms Into the Ass

Opps yes, we did it again!!
Like Britney Spears, we never learn.
We have again made a headline in the world (if others are even keen to see how we ridicule ourselves)
Sometimes I seriously do not know where we stand. Or in fact, how we fare in the eye of the world. I am sure the Singaporeans are LOL-ling at us while watching how we manage ourself here. And I believe the Fedex delivery boy speaks better English than the blue uniformed body we have recruited to protect the nation.

I was wondering why does everyone in my Facebook keep updating status on their hatred towards these blue uniformed men. Till I saw this. And it reminded myself of how much I hated them too.
It could be because of the fact that just so they earn lesser than me, they have to ask me to sponsor their 'coffee-drinking' habit. And also because they are casually born to be rude. Or they could have been taught to be rude or potentially think their rudeness is the best way to show their force.

I supposed, if they manage to find better jobs, they would not have resort to being a blue uniformed body ;)
Seriously! If you look at their face, most of them looked like aborigines of some Kampung Salak or Kuala Kotor or some place where there is too much sun and it tan your skin till it look like overburnt without the glow.

And I am not sure if you can visualise their respond to the question : What is your reason in joining the blue force? Can you imagine a dirty looking, rudely behaving, and sometime smelly, with stomach that looked like it has been filled with 3 years of Nescafe Tarik consumption telling you 'Because I want to safeguard my country and protect every citizen in the country and make tomorrow a better day for all'  Peeh!!!

But of course, underneath the blue uniform body, they are just normal human like us. Hence they are not spared from doing things that normal people like us may commit to. Like rape lorr.. they have needs too ;) And like us human who hungers for more comfort in life, they too tend to take away other people possession wihtout permission. I think it's called robbing :)

And I don't want to continue this post anymore, because it no longer seem interesting...

At this time of posting, the draft for this post is already 3 weeks old I assume... Anyway, let's not waste my content mah...