Wrathing

This is how I am most probably feeling right now - cold, empty and shredded into parts that I have no hold of myself anymore.

It's not that I have grew a year older being 35 this year, but the end of the birthday could well be the start of a gruelling life at work. Almost nothing goes right.

Almost nothing goes right. I don't know. Maybe it did go right but not at the speed that is desired.

Sometimes I do ask myself if I am incapable of accomplishing what has been entrusted. More often than not, I feel a total uselessness in me. And to top my confusion, I just don't get why despite my 16 hours a day work, I can never finish it up. 

Going to work in no longer fun and challenging. The challenge has now become a wound. It's like one who's been raped and having to weep in toilet on her own, get dressed and come out and pretend nothing happen and life continues. A wound that will never heal.

Been many days since I have had anytime on my own. I felt guilty going out for lunches, I felt trapped if I stop thinking about work. I felt insuffice. And everytime I attempt to find a solution within, it breaks.  I can barely breathe. I felt the tremble and the chill despite the hot weather. I just want to drop my knee down and surrender. 

Perhaps I am just not good enough for this. I feel demolished.

No make-up can hide my disgruntled look. I am tired, I am outraged, I am losing patience and I am seriously on the verge of giving it up..

What a month..