Yesterday I was someone. But I always thought that I am Suetha the Indian Classical Dancer. Then today I am Suhana. Day before I was Suet Mun. Welcome to my alter ego page..

Yours truly,
Suhana Suetha

Friday, October 28, 2011

Bah-Job!!

Hello world!!
And today I am freed! :)

This morning, I felt that I just have to go pack a packet of rice to be placed at the altar at work. Which I did. And I cleaned it up and burn some joss stick and some prayer papers and I made my final wish - to leave if things are not meant to be.

And like the rest of others who may have gone thru the same procedure as it did, I would say I am leaving with a heave of relief :)
Perhaps this is a mutual action that I have always wanted to take but never had the guts as I am in a comfort-zone all this while.

I don't really know what have happened as it went on very fast. And it finishes fast too.

I have spent my prime years in the confinement of this space being guided on how to do my work and how to practically be hands-on with all the new trades that I have never seen before. I must say it was a journey that wasn't easy and took me so much of my life and effort.Despite all the hardship, it feels like it is all worth it. Because, despite the constant nagging, mistakes I made, more nagging and continuous monitoring on my acts, I actually still liked my work pretty much. If I don't keep thinking about what happens in the backend.
I have been constantly reminded that I am no good at what I am doing. It's really sad. but I have long accepted the fact that I am not good. Because that is what I have been told :(  I seriously hope it is not true. Because I really did try my best with whatever shallow knowledge that I have gotten.

Now I am freed. At my own will. It feels... I don't know.. liberating? Perhaps now I have more time to think further of what I wanted to do and how to achieve what I want. It's been awhile since I have had anytime for my own soul-feeding. It has always been for the confinement where I am attached. Yah, sometimes constantly I laze around, but that's it.

At most time, I seem lost of direction. Perhaps I was lost a ll these while. Because all that is supposed to happen is dictated to me and I can only look as much as where I am allowed. I am always curious. Curious that if I am left to fend for myself and those around me, how will I fare.

I have got to a point that I told myself I don't need to look far as all will be dictated for me. As long as I am in this confinement. perhaps that leads to the comfort zone I was in.. I wasn't actually that comfortable in the zone itself. Because being too comfortable makes one dumb. And I was seriously dumb then.

I have learnt so much. I have gained so much. I have also matured so much in what I do. And I supposed these are what people called working experience. That I am so eagerly wanting to utilise it and see if my pre-dictated wings will know how to operate on its own.

This morning, I prayed. And on the same evening my wishes were granted. Though it happened in a very unpleasant way. But I supposed it is pleasant enough to wake me from this zombified zone.

Perhaps from now onwards, I may have to put a halt on yoga and dance classes as I will be feeding on my whatever balance in the bank and have no more freedom to paying entertainment fees for the soul.

But I am keen to look forward and see what is in front of me :)

Totally unrelated but on my way back from the 'ex-office' I saw an uncle at the side of the road. I cried. It is really sad to see an old man of his age in torn shirt and was hit by a car and nurses from the ambulance are scurrying to try to carry him off the ground. He was strong. Mentally and perhaps physically. Despite all the blood dripping from his forehead and a fractured hand, he still manages to give out instruction on where hurts and where to hold him.
I feel sad. That old people still have to work. And that old people with no education have to do odd jobs. And when such mishap happens, it would cripple them more.

Despite being jobless, I shuld be grateful that I still have a decent life and shall not grumble about how life is so unfair. About how I wish mum won't open her mouth. About how I dreaded living here. I should be grateful. That I have something above the basic needs. And that I have lots of very good friends that I have gained throughout my life.

Mirza, Sha-Lene, Carrie, Sunitha, Maya, Nath, Jaclyn, Nurul, Michelle Chuah! and so many more of those great souls! I LOVE u guys so much!!

I am officially jobless for the first time in my life since the age of 19 years old -_-

Which also means I will have more time to work on Pasar Night, Suhana and perhaps help Sha revives YourShoppingKaki!!  :)
















No comments:

Post a Comment

From Everywhere eh?

free counters

Only SO Many of U