The recent workload have really gotten me thinking.
I come back literally breaking down.
Almost every time I have qualms of what is to become of me.
Given 3 years back, I guess this kind of workload is nothing to me. I have had more serious labour torture before this which I could endure.
Self-doubt is self killing.
How do one be positive when there is no room to breathe.
I don't look forward to weekend. Because weekend would be the time when I have even lower confidence in completing my work. And almost every weekend I am not able to complete anything.
Most of the time I end up being unconscious. I really did not mean to. I have 5 alarm x 6 snooze per alarm to wake me up. But to no avail.
I really want to do this well. I can't tell you how much I am determined,
But as I type this, my eyes are teary.
Yes, this sounds even more emotional than a marriage breakdown.
I am still searching for that purpose to dread on. My heart is palpitating.
Sometimes when you come to a hurdle in life, you have an option to leave the seam open or to close it back. But a hurdle is a hurdle. Even when closed it can never be a perfect one. Because the damage has been done.
Today I got to know about a friend who is moving on to another stage of life in a flow we never expected to have happened.
The natural course of life is so unpredictable.
Sometimes the more you put hope on something, the more difficult it is to reach that desired destination. But I am happy that she reached this stage which no one would have expected.
We share something in common ; our dislike for human race, kids and culture in certain way.
But that will change for her soon.
It got me into thinking how sometimes what we hold close to our belief but it can never be permanent. It's all a phase of life. Where priorities shifts and our perspective changes.
I will have one good friend lesser with the separation of continents and change of life pattern.
Shifting priorities - yes, I am beginning to feel the same too. We have put our life in the simmering of a pressure cooker for so long that eventually you get a concoction of life that is crafted for no one but yourself. And I believe there is a silver lining in everything that happens. I guess she have found the first meter of her string and many more to go to line her up for the change in her life.
I hope to locate my silver lining too one fine day. Let's hope :)