Wrathing

This is how I am most probably feeling right now - cold, empty and shredded into parts that I have no hold of myself anymore.

It's not that I have grew a year older being 35 this year, but the end of the birthday could well be the start of a gruelling life at work. Almost nothing goes right.

Almost nothing goes right. I don't know. Maybe it did go right but not at the speed that is desired.

Sometimes I do ask myself if I am incapable of accomplishing what has been entrusted. More often than not, I feel a total uselessness in me. And to top my confusion, I just don't get why despite my 16 hours a day work, I can never finish it up. 

Going to work in no longer fun and challenging. The challenge has now become a wound. It's like one who's been raped and having to weep in toilet on her own, get dressed and come out and pretend nothing happen and life continues. A wound that will never heal.

Been many days since I have had anytime on my own. I felt guilty going out for lunches, I felt trapped if I stop thinking about work. I felt insuffice. And everytime I attempt to find a solution within, it breaks.  I can barely breathe. I felt the tremble and the chill despite the hot weather. I just want to drop my knee down and surrender. 

Perhaps I am just not good enough for this. I feel demolished.

No make-up can hide my disgruntled look. I am tired, I am outraged, I am losing patience and I am seriously on the verge of giving it up..

What a month..

Leaving It All

I always believed in sustainability.
It's like, if you can tread a certain miles forward, why not tread along those who may need it. Throughout my life, I have been given many opportunities. Some are great, some merely wanting to take some  benefits out of you.
Whatever it is, every opportunity taken is a curve to learn.
Finally I have decided to revoke everything from this useless being which I have tried sustaining by giving freelance jobs. Doesn't pay alot to make 'em rich, but definitely something extra to the pocket every month.

Boss was right. No point to be around negative people who doesn't appreciate.
I just can't take those constant nagging anymore from a nubile immature individual who is not eager to learn but eager to earn with a meagre experience to flaunt.
And I almost had my career flushed down a big river of mud - with a mistake that should not even happen.
Yeah, it was almost everyone's fault for not noticing it.
I am still pissed that all my patience all this while bore me a rotten fruit.
mehhhh.... I can''t even talk further....

And all I shall revoke.

Work is like crazy. There's also crazy people everywhere at work.

Today, tomorrow is another day.
And I vow to be a better person that yesterday!

Must check out these storycards!

If tomorrow never come.

My boss said I am insecure when I said I have no intention to take leave.
Yes, I am. After all, who isn't? Wait, there are of course, but hey, I do sales. In the life of sales people, the only way they can live long is to make long term sales. No sales, no say.

The constant insecurity is what drives me to go on another day, hoping to survive the insanity that the world is feeding upon us.
People say the world is how you perceive it. The more positive you look at it, the better you will feel. Crap-lah. Can I positively tell you I am not performing and yet be able to eat up wages like a washing machine sucking dry of the clothes? Don't think it work that way.

Yes, I am insecure.
Because one day, someone will outlive the expectation (because there will always be someone better than us), and then the threshold to even survive will be higher and this forever rat race will never end. Till death do us part.

And yes, I still take pictures of my work station when I leave the office from time to time.
Because I don't know if tomorrow will be the same :/

What Kinda Blogger Are You?

Work is crazy busy shit.
Yet I managed to still flip thru some those peak chapters in a Virginia Andrews'.
Didn't plan to blog as I couldn't even finish my list of contacts to start contacting since the boss is looking into drilling everyone's ass till it bleeds. After all, the fittest shall survive.

I just had to rant it out again.
Was looking into piles of blog contents submitted by the participating bloggers in some of the events that I manage.
Seriously - why do people call themselves bloggers, have call cards to remind others that they BLOG. Some call themselves EDITOR, obviously editing their own contents from their own BLOG, despite that lackadaisical of language command

So I wiki-ed 'blog' just to see of I have too high an expectation on what is called a blog, blogger and people who blog. Afterall, I don't want to be bitched about in the world of blogosphere about what a bitch I am.

As derived from wiki :

A typical blog combines text, images, and links to other blogs, Web pages, and other media related to its topic. The ability of readers to leave comments in an interactive format is an important contribution to the popularity of many blogs. Most blogs are primarily textual, although some focus on art (art blogs), photographs (photoblogs), videos (video blogs or "vlogs"), music (MP3 blogs), and audio (podcasts). Microblogging is another type of blogging, featuring very short posts. In education, blogs can be used as instructional resources. These blogs are referred to as edublogs.

I don't know about most of other people. In YourShoppingKaki, we are taught to really 'pen down'/ 'write out' contents in words format. Pictures are very important of course, as it serves as a visual illustration to contents that you are about to pen. But what are pictured without contents? And what are contents without picture?

This is what I call seriously illustrious with no pictorial elaboration : Rob Fitzgerald

This is what I called tasteful picture that speaks for itself in it's own style : STRAPPED only minimal words to guide you thru strings of powerful pictures. 

This is what I called an influential blogger who can have as much words as the pictures in a single post : Cheeserland

And because of the requirement that my editor imposed in YourShoppingkaki - yes, the editor does have her set of requirement and proof read every single words and checks every other margin, we the bloggers know that each post is only a post when you WRITE / PEN DOWN in words format only to be accompanied with pictures to enhance your post. It's almost like a sin if your post does not come with illustrious sentences.

And here I am, looking some sites that took forever to load as the post is loaded with pictures and nothing but pictures, only to be accompanied with last 5 lines that gives some linkbacks.

I don't need a blogger to do that. I only need an upload device. An automated one perhaps. 

What kinda blogger are you?

There is an Idiot at Work

It is.
My boss said I should sympathise.
I did, before I labeled this clown an idiot.
Now, he is just nothing more than a pair of loose balls with minimum grey mass in it.

I supposed I shouldn't be too emotional about it. because obviously I am not the idiot. And there isn't anything to lose from my end.
I seriously hate working with non-competent people.
The last I had an incompetent boss, I justy couldn't control myself from throwing things at his office door.
Yes, I am temperamental.

Like in every other organisation I have been attached to previously, I know my ability to exude the negativity to make people get out of my life.I am so tempted this time round. As I have never seen anyone as idiotic as this specimen before.

I have seen lazy staff. Lazier ones. Then there are those who gives you 101 reasons to not deliver. There's some stubborn artistic cases too who refuses to listen.
But this idiot tops it all - like a spastic.

Tomorrow I hope I can lace some cockroach spit on his cups and let him scratch balls non-stop.

Idiot.