There is an Idiot at Work

It is.
My boss said I should sympathise.
I did, before I labeled this clown an idiot.
Now, he is just nothing more than a pair of loose balls with minimum grey mass in it.

I supposed I shouldn't be too emotional about it. because obviously I am not the idiot. And there isn't anything to lose from my end.
I seriously hate working with non-competent people.
The last I had an incompetent boss, I justy couldn't control myself from throwing things at his office door.
Yes, I am temperamental.

Like in every other organisation I have been attached to previously, I know my ability to exude the negativity to make people get out of my life.I am so tempted this time round. As I have never seen anyone as idiotic as this specimen before.

I have seen lazy staff. Lazier ones. Then there are those who gives you 101 reasons to not deliver. There's some stubborn artistic cases too who refuses to listen.
But this idiot tops it all - like a spastic.

Tomorrow I hope I can lace some cockroach spit on his cups and let him scratch balls non-stop.

Idiot.

Of Testosterone and Cortisol

This is an interesting video that Sha-Lene have thrown on my Facebook wall.

Being in a sales-based position, I must admit I have been in those situation where it doesn't give me much option but to 'Fake it till I make it' in every presentation that I have to do, being a fully prepared one or an impromptu. Thank god that I have acquired this skill to think ahead while my mouth is talking out loud =D

This particular research and observation by Amy Cuddy seems legit. I have never been a bold person. In most situation, I am submissive and shy. Yes. Shy. Cannot meh?

But given my lack of academic enhancement and yet the will to really perform at work, many a time I have to 'fake' it. 

Click Here : Body Language

True to what Amy have indicated, while you try go surpass all expectation by faking it in every circumstances, you sort of become good with what you do and it eventually seeps in, making you yourself and others believe that you actually can deliver what you are supposed to.

That is the time when you realised that you have 'Fake it till you become it'

So, STRIKE A POWER POSE TODAY and get rid of your fear!

Happy Monday ahead!

Office

These are most probably the most productive time ever I had in my working life - having to go thru details and specifications and badly formatted documents. After about 2 months without an admin assistant to help me out with petty jobs and someone to take up calls (since I was never on time to work) for me in the office, I think I must have formatted the entire office according to how I think it should be. Besides the inconsistent supply of toilet papers in the toilet, I think things are going on smooth.
Invoices, Delivery orders, Purchase Orders, Progressive Claims and even attendance are all in proper format (MY FORMAT) and every other things / event/ issues / documents comes with a Summary or Listing Sheet.
Something I deem very important in case I decided to die while sleeping and they will know where are the files being placed. More often than not I have failed to impose in my boss the need to READ what I ask him to sign. And most often than not, he only sign and NOT READ. *chinaman mode*

Some people choose to work within their scope and get their end of the month wages and be happy. I, unfortunately is not aware of my scope as the scope proposed by me to boss is way more than what the universe would want to give me.. (is this even a proper statement?)

I am a self confessed lazy workaholic. Yes, I enjoy working while being lazy at the same time. I am most probably at the peak of my life when I get to engage in conversation with very high return of investment, being it monetarily or emotionally. It is always great to gain something extra when talking to people, finishing a task that you never thought you can do or simply to be able to light a bulb over the mind when in a discussion :)

Throught out the few weeks that I am office bound doing something that I was never asked to do as it is deemed a waste of my time when measured with my salary ( so says the ex-boss), I realised that I do have some internal skills that I have yet to hone =D

I guess one would never know how far can one reach unless she reaches out her feet to feel the air first :)
Only when you see the outcome then would you have an answer to your capacity..

But that is not my worry now.

Human resource is such a tricky issue. A sensitive one too. I may not have seen one too many bosses, but I sure do have seen enough to know that some action just doesn't work and no justification is deemed suffice to prove that IT WON"T WORK.

And now I have to get rid of people deem not resourceful..
I am scared - because I am the only female in the office
I am scared - because I can sometimes blurt out very hurtful statement and people may stab me with the office scissors.
I am scared - maybe after all the heated argument the said person still refuses to leave.
But I am seriously scared - if I made the wrong judgement and not very wise decision ;(

TwoFaced version 1.2 perhaps

I have finally issued a warning letter to the lady at work and she made a statement that it was her first warning letter in her 15 years of work. Duh!! So you think after working for 15 years you are exempted from getting a notice due to your inefficiency at work and caused much problem to the company?

Many times when I do a certain execution at work, I always ponder and analyse long if I am behaving like this ex-boss, #TwoFaced which I have adapted to work with for the past 7 years. It haunts me. I am worried if  am following the wrong path  and be #Twofaced version1.2 . I seriously do not wish to be hated for the super-annoying nagging with quotes from the labour law and long preach on why everyone is always wrong and I am always right.

I believe I can do my job well, but it is definitely going to take me some time to wash off those traces of other people's traits which could have inhibited in me for so long.. Bear with me...

My Karma Lessening..

How can I not be pissed? I think no amount of breathing-in and breath out can help to regulate my pissed-up level. The damn woman did not show up for work and no one was informed. I have to take over answering calls and typing. Typing! Not that I disgress typing, but I don't hire staff to later do their work.

Perhaps I should have listened to boss and keep the prejudice and bias-ness of not hiring certain category of people because they are known to boast alot and not be able to perform later. Staffing is a very irritating issue to deal with. Because one who hire and later fire risk having his or her tyres being punctured or parts of the car paint being scratched off.

I have been hiring for so long that more or less, I have achieved the skills of getting the right person for the right kind of job. And this time, perhaps I made a wrong move. I practised 70% of approach that a stupid ex boss would have used - to trust people of different skills to do another skills and tap on their family background (in this case, poor people are always desperate for jobs) to ensure that they are dedicated to their work. And obviously this stupid strategy failed me. Not terribly yet, but enough to tarnish my image as a person with sharp judgment. What am I thnking!?

A woman with lots of cuts and scars on her wrist and arm. She could only be of these 2  types - the one who got fucking abused by the spouse or the one who is merely a psychomaniac who have a liking to self torture for personal satisfaction.

I have decided to issue a warning letter. A first one. As part of my attempt to sack the woman voluntarily or involuntarily. I don't give a shit no more.

Being absent at work from fever that does not take away one's life does not spare one from a warning letter.  Unless one is dead from sickness, I see no reason why a person / staff absense cannot be informed. And having to send scan copy of company's document to a random stranger is a big crime. Re-sending some more, after the actual recipient complained he has yet to get any emails. Matherfucking stupid donkey. And the random stranger's email appeared to be an applicant who once wrote in to apply for her same position..

Stupid woman....

Mess

This is not a post...

This is merely a self reminder to PLEASE CLEAN UP THE ROOM! 
I have not been doing any sort of cleaning since I left the previous stupid job.
But I have kept away all the baju kurung for now and pushes out all dresses <3

I slept in the pantry today -_-
Because it rains, because the office was cold and because I am lazy...
Of late, I seriously think I went off the path that I wanted to take.

There are bits and pieces lying here and there, that I am to pick up..
but, oh so lazyyy....

I need a slap. Quick!

Save My Tyre

I think I should be working towards the preparation for this week's management meeting.
My first official meeting to introduce my presence and the amount of changes that I will introduce to the  organisation.
As much as I am well versed with what  I wanted to implement and ipose and also at the same time improve, I am not sure if my method of corporatising the human culture would work.
They are after all a bunch of men who wears slippers to site and never tuck in their shirt for most of the time in their life. And most probably the most documentation work that they could have ever been exposed to would have been to do their expenses claims.
It is pretty taxing to attempt preaching to people who are so used to doing things with no guidance. As much as I would like to corporatize the organisation, I have this major fear that I will become that of the ex-boss whom I used to work for. Major Hitler with high PR skills, but 1001 doubts about others.
Each time I talk to the boys, I try to remind myself not to be the person who have haunted me for the past 6 years on proving how powerful she is in what she does. I want to be good in what I preach and keep aside the ego of being the best. Every steps that I take, I make extra analysing to ensure I do not use those negative tactics that have been taught to me indirectly previously.

I am not sure if I should, but today I have taken note on how many times a day does the admin lady make a call to the boss, how many times an hour the boss have made a call back to the office to leave instruction, and how many times the engineers have called back to the office to talk to the admin. And I don't like that.
The self-assigned Project Manager too seems to be very bossy unreasonably and have 1200 dB of voice when giving instruction. Typical construction worker manner -_-
And I don't like it. I don't like the fact that there are shouting and commotion of people who have not thin through what is the purpose of the commotion.

And I want to change all these this coming management meeting. I just hope my tyre doesn't get punctured.

can i be your Director in charge and not get my tyre punctured please :)

V neck dress from The PopLook

Long flowy Cardi from Ladiesfash

Names, names..

SecuriTeam, TeamTech
AdvanTech Security, Surveon Security
CyberTeam,
Nexus Security
InnoTech
InnoTeam
even DreamTeam is taken! FML

And these are some of the names that I reluctantly have came up with.
I am in the midst of dropping the company name of this place which I am currently working and attempting to replace it with a better-sounding intonation.

I googled and googled and even googled more articles to read and learn on how people name their techy gadgets like iPod, BlackBerry and so I decided on a different approach in naming..
BlueBus
Pink Guava
RedLine
Red Cable,  Blue Cable
BlueDome, BlueStone
Safe Box Security
RedCuff

Darn...and there goes 2 days of 'penultimate idylic'  mode with nothing much being done.
I hsd the corporate profile semi completed, name cards done, and pending to register the company into certain governmental bodies so we can share the cake in doing governmental stuff =D
And now am stuck in determining a brand!! Which leads to the designer having to put on hold of the designing job of the main brand logo and the company leaflet and also the t shirt design.

What could possibly be wrong with Blue Dome Security? If a tooth can be blue and a berry can be black and a dome camera cannot be blue? I can almost envision the entire aerodynamic logo of a dome camera facade with those ergonomic line details along it!!

It's almost a month that I am here in this humble and almost remote working space and I am not liking it!! Because.... there is too much freedom!! TEEHEE!! =D  =D 

I should really find more work scope to torture myself with. Perhaps I am too used to be nagged and monitored too close and indirectly bugged to devote myself in body and soul that I am so not used to this now!

So, yeah, I washed the toilet once because I can't stand the sight of mud stain they left on the tiles.

The boys offered to vacuum the floor and throw the rubbish and wash the vacuum dirt! <3 <3

Things are pretty fine over here, though I hope they can work in a speedier mode and get things done in a more cost-effective, high productivity and time-saving mode. Which I believe is the essence in conserving funds and increasing KPI in an organisation ;)

Lots of stuff that I am looking forward to change and implement. And my main priority now is to kill all bad debtors and squish them to pay the office every single cents that they owe us and squeeze them dry from pee and sweat =D

And I have so much things I wanted to implement and make this the best system integrator organisation possible!!

But in the meantime I guess I need to yawn and keep myself updated with HDMI, TVLine, Video Analytics and such.. yawnnn

zzzzzz...........

The First

This is the first weekday I am without a permanent job and third day since I left a 'comfort zone' - pfftt..
Perhaps, you won't be amazed as there are so many people who opt to lead life without a permanent income and still survive and be able to afford IT gadgets that I have always stinge myself from :)

I am always amazed and respects those who are bold enough to make such choices in life. I have no guts to do so. As I seriously enjoy nice Spanish meal in Cava, fanciful lunches in 21 Tables and Terrace and the comfort of all things air-conditioned. But I am not rich. Neither am I poor though. Merely a working citizen who have a little expectation in life and do not mind working towards in. But along the way sometimes we get demotivated due to much external factors that we cannot control. And we later tun to useless parasites. Or are forced to be robotic in taking instructions and allegations and implementation. It is a part of life, of course. And how you react after these act of events will determine where you get yourself landed. I somehow landed back on my bed with a newly bought tab and almost got debt-ridden bed-ridden. A story that requires no further elaboration as I have been attending to so many inquiry about it.

I have not made any drastic choice in life by quitting willingly and leave to rot in home. I get paranoid having to think what will happen after that. I should not be paranoid in the first place as I already had so much vision on what  I really wanted to do. But the paranoia feel always manages to never fail to make me feel more paranoid that I started to off the fan and lights and stopped eating to save up some money in case things don't go as expected. But this time, as much as I am equally paranoid, I did not drown myself in alcohol or cigarettes or sleep. it feels.. hmm ... I don't know.. it's feels like a naturla thing to do this time...

I am taking it as a blessing in disguise. And hopefully a GREAT disguise. And it is also through such turbulent journey in life (ok, maybe not THAT turbulent that is life threatening, but a job is very important to me!)
And I seriously hate writing in such a 'disguising' mode because I seriously am deviating from the actual content without me knowing it....

But it is through these waves of life that we be reminded that despite this hectic life that we lead,  having sickening yelling and complaints and all this bad vibes around us, there are good souls amongst it that will surface when you are in despair.  Whether you need them or not is another concern,  but it is great to have this human empathy which is rapidlly diminished in many of us corporate rats.

2 days ago I was offered an empty office willingly at no cost, to operate whatever that I wanted to operate. Today I was again offered by another good souls to also operate in his office at my descretion to do whatever I intended to do. And he has also taken care of the preparing of call cards O.o

It is thru times like this that people who have faith in you, regardless that they may be working acquaintances or common friends, it is a real comfort to see that there are KIND people still existing in this world. Before this, I seriously assume I need to sharpen the blade of protection I kept under my arm, to shield of all ass-kissing, money-blinking, laser-bitching, wicked species who waits eagerly to attack you once they got your wek point.

And I have been receivng whatsapp messages from  people I do not expect to get in touch with, via my deb-ridden new Tab and it feels like as if a re-union random gathering of me and the living world is happening! ;)

As much as I plan to keep a lower profile and quench my thirst for my artistic desire, I woke up early enough to reach a freelance location, and meeting up with acquaintances who shares my passion and sentiment in what I do.

By now, I had to have a list of To Do as there are things that requires to be done before I fully embark on a new journey :)

Today is most probably the first time I am able to smile unknowingly with no muscle strain after 5 years.

Welcome to Life. Again.

Late Lame Post

Officially Day 1 of being without a job. (Twas on Saturday =P ) 

And the day started early ;)

Conveniently it is also Chic Pop today! :)

had a stroll in Chic Pop before heading to the Mofew briefing session on behalf of Peep and Supermodels.

So many aspiring entrepreneurs so enthusiastic in breaking ground via Mofew ;)

Don't really get the entire concept of Mofew and the existence of Amber Chia with the bunch of underweight girls who aspire to be models but with height lesser than me. But I suppose any exposure is good exposure. And Wei Ni is sure glad that she did not get herself a cow =D

I always love these marketing related event where you need to outdo others in terms of strategising. Perhaps, I have been slaving so long that it seems like a very automatic response to actually wanting to be part of the proposal doing act =D

Yesh!! I love getting myself into such dirt job of thinking how to sell and market stuff. Perhaps my 8 years of being in customer servicing, sales and marketing have shaped my mind to easily be triggered to operate when the word 'marketing' pops in. 

So, yeah! Today i was inspired =D

When I was with my friends during the briefing session of MOFEW. Suddenly there are so many stuff storming into my mind on what can be done IF I am the entrepreneur who will be doing a marketing plan to sell some lamp-shade inspired dresses. it sort of gives me hope that this world seriously is round and whatever that you can think of, can be marketed out as long as you know how to market it out. It is like, as long as you are determined to do something to reach out to people, there will be people listening to your idea and perhaps buy the idea. The EVENT itself is an idea. Which is now turned into a platform for technopreneurs to accept the challenge to face the public and show their ability to make create a niche and specialisation for whatever products and services they are offering.

It is a good platform if the contestant knows how to ride on the opportunity and utilise all avenues to maximise on promotion and branding without having to win it first, provided if they know how to go about doing it ;)

But bringing in Exabytes and easy.my is a great start to actually jive in the technology part of the online retailing. Because going online is seriously not all about fashion only! It is also about how a seller is able to use the latest of application to create a convenient platform for buyers with various buying habits. While at the same time having to put in mind that most local buyers have a lack of knowledge in purchasing online and that most of them DO NOT READ INSTRUCTION.

Left Mofew briefing and headed to Chic Pop again. managed to have a bite at the Bees. nothing great  after all! Or perhaps there wasn't much appetite available now that I have turned on the moolah saving mode.

I need to write, I need to do something,... I just need to get something done... and the day was full anyway..

Bah-Job!!

Hello world!!
And today I am freed! :)

This morning, I felt that I just have to go pack a packet of rice to be placed at the altar at work. Which I did. And I cleaned it up and burn some joss stick and some prayer papers and I made my final wish - to leave if things are not meant to be.

And like the rest of others who may have gone thru the same procedure as it did, I would say I am leaving with a heave of relief :)
Perhaps this is a mutual action that I have always wanted to take but never had the guts as I am in a comfort-zone all this while.

I don't really know what have happened as it went on very fast. And it finishes fast too.

I have spent my prime years in the confinement of this space being guided on how to do my work and how to practically be hands-on with all the new trades that I have never seen before. I must say it was a journey that wasn't easy and took me so much of my life and effort.Despite all the hardship, it feels like it is all worth it. Because, despite the constant nagging, mistakes I made, more nagging and continuous monitoring on my acts, I actually still liked my work pretty much. If I don't keep thinking about what happens in the backend.
I have been constantly reminded that I am no good at what I am doing. It's really sad. but I have long accepted the fact that I am not good. Because that is what I have been told :(  I seriously hope it is not true. Because I really did try my best with whatever shallow knowledge that I have gotten.

Now I am freed. At my own will. It feels... I don't know.. liberating? Perhaps now I have more time to think further of what I wanted to do and how to achieve what I want. It's been awhile since I have had anytime for my own soul-feeding. It has always been for the confinement where I am attached. Yah, sometimes constantly I laze around, but that's it.

At most time, I seem lost of direction. Perhaps I was lost a ll these while. Because all that is supposed to happen is dictated to me and I can only look as much as where I am allowed. I am always curious. Curious that if I am left to fend for myself and those around me, how will I fare.

I have got to a point that I told myself I don't need to look far as all will be dictated for me. As long as I am in this confinement. perhaps that leads to the comfort zone I was in.. I wasn't actually that comfortable in the zone itself. Because being too comfortable makes one dumb. And I was seriously dumb then.

I have learnt so much. I have gained so much. I have also matured so much in what I do. And I supposed these are what people called working experience. That I am so eagerly wanting to utilise it and see if my pre-dictated wings will know how to operate on its own.

This morning, I prayed. And on the same evening my wishes were granted. Though it happened in a very unpleasant way. But I supposed it is pleasant enough to wake me from this zombified zone.

Perhaps from now onwards, I may have to put a halt on yoga and dance classes as I will be feeding on my whatever balance in the bank and have no more freedom to paying entertainment fees for the soul.

But I am keen to look forward and see what is in front of me :)

Totally unrelated but on my way back from the 'ex-office' I saw an uncle at the side of the road. I cried. It is really sad to see an old man of his age in torn shirt and was hit by a car and nurses from the ambulance are scurrying to try to carry him off the ground. He was strong. Mentally and perhaps physically. Despite all the blood dripping from his forehead and a fractured hand, he still manages to give out instruction on where hurts and where to hold him.
I feel sad. That old people still have to work. And that old people with no education have to do odd jobs. And when such mishap happens, it would cripple them more.

Despite being jobless, I shuld be grateful that I still have a decent life and shall not grumble about how life is so unfair. About how I wish mum won't open her mouth. About how I dreaded living here. I should be grateful. That I have something above the basic needs. And that I have lots of very good friends that I have gained throughout my life.

Mirza, Sha-Lene, Carrie, Sunitha, Maya, Nath, Jaclyn, Nurul, Michelle Chuah! and so many more of those great souls! I LOVE u guys so much!!

I am officially jobless for the first time in my life since the age of 19 years old -_-

Which also means I will have more time to work on Pasar Night, Suhana and perhaps help Sha revives YourShoppingKaki!!  :)

Benign

And so I wore a dress. From Asos, Dorothy Perkins or from Topshop. Or you may spot me in the Aldo that you would never splurge on. And yes, I write about fashion. And coincidentally, I am in the line of work where I have to be stuck behind stage and limbering in the crowds of live mannequins flashing smiles that does not corellate with the trajectory of what the heart felt.

I hate none. I like none. It was a numbing session. I prefer to be in neutrality. I see no glam in putting on shoes, waiting to zip bustiers and transferring pecks. I do not despise, I do not anticipate. It is just part of life I am passing.

I hate noise. I seriously hate the buzzing of words. From you, you and you over here, there and there. The thousand words war. I surrendered. I had to. I am just not good enough. I thought of ending it. I always wonder what it feels like. To close the eyes and let loose of all limbs and drop. From 30 storey high. It must be cold. It could also be empty. Very blank.

Perhaps I have mutter one too much than I need to And so much noise reverberating back to me. I should have keep it al in the heart and abide. Abide and agree. It was always a better option.

For now, something is stopping me from looking down the 30 storey. Not now. Perhaps one day. But not now.  Tomorrow I have to face it all over again. I will stop the benign.. hopefully.

But for now, I need to again sit in the toilet and shed some tears..

Why? What Why?

I desperately need to make more sales while the iron is hot
Because the financial year end is coming..
And I remember the reminder to work the ass off before the financial year ends.
I need the sales
Because I felt like the rest of the 12 people down there harps on me for better wages
And I have the burden to be able to provide
I need sales
Because I heard if one do well in sales, they get their additional incentives
And momma looks like she needs a new juicer.
It aint easy to juice 12 orange manually ;(
My make up are sponsored, my accessories are sponsored, and sometimes my meals too are sponsored.
I need sales if i want to be able to afford things un-sponsored
I simply need sales
Because that is my job designation
And I need no more counselling
To be reminded that I need more sales
Because it makes me sad to know I can't do justice to what have been rewarded to me
It makes me feel like dying
Hence I need the sales...

I hate sales
But I know I need sales
Its a complicated love-hate relationship that I have developed
I pursued with no hatred, just grudges sometimes
But I know it is a joy when sales are achieved
I know I am of no good
Neither here nor there, this or that

I don't know
Maybe I am good
But I think I am no good
I wish I was good
I wish I can see how good I am
But maybe I am just not that good after all
I don't know
Because I follow suit all that is given
That I no longer know if I am good or of no good
But in general I assume you deduce I am of no good

I broke down
Not because I a tired of facing slugs in the cubicles where I am seated
I broke down
Not because I cannot cope with things that are going on
I broke down
Not because I am not able to handle situation
I broke down
Because I am not able to learn from a situation
But on another note,
I could have broken down
Simply because I am just not as good

My words do not correlate with my heart
I know
My mind do not correlate with my hands
I know too
I no longer find correlation in me
Perhaps that explains why it took me so long to get acquainted with my classical dance steps
perhaps I am just fickle
Or perhaps I should just keep it shut

Whatever sorrow that comes
When the cow comes mooing
and when the cowboys come home
I know
That tomorrow is a another day
To face, to live while hoping I can drown my sorrow
By being a better person ;(

On a lighter note, I hope the people from Gardenia do google and notice that I have been junking eating healthily on all sorts of Gardenia buns in the Shell petrol station everywhere around town. As of today, I've had the whole Gardenia range for breakfast, lunch and almost-dinner to curb my hunger pangs and to put a control in the financial strain I've been having.
It would be great if Gardenia Incorporated would consider in sponsoring me a year intake of all sorts of Gardenia buns. That would ease my fodd funding pretty much. In return, I could do you a review in this humble little blog? Yes, I need sponsored meals. Pretty please... ;(

I Am A Phailed Manager

:(
Yes, I think I am.
Those people couldn't stop facebooking during office hour and I am seriously considering blocking the application.
I do not know how else do I handle slugs who refused to budge from the sinking cushion of the office chair. And keep Facebooking. I think I am beginning to hate Facebook.
I do not know how to to make people understand that they need to make sales and not make friends online with no return of investment.
I do not know how else to look eye to eye with those who just do not get why do I seldom talk about work and nothing else when I am in the office. Because I need sales.
I cannot concentrate talking to slugs while trying not to think how else and where else do I get my sales.
I am a sinking manager. I need sales. I need to manage. And I think I need a breather or so.
I think I will bring some liquour to work and drench myself with a cup of Milo mixed with Vodka.

Where do I start?
Where do I rectify myself from?
I need sales.
I need to get the jackets done.
I need to study the god damn measurement..
I need sales
I need to think of ways to pacify slugs in hope they can get their own sales.
I need sales myself too.
I need to think of ways to draft contracts so that no one else benefits but us.
I need to plan what to sell, what to bring, what to display..
And I desperately need sales.
Oh wait... I got sales,
But I need more sales
And I need to manage only ONE slug
But I failed..

Now...
and Now..
Here I am sitting here
In this dirty room with a thousand strands of my hair
And utility bills stacked under the leg rest of  my chair
And 8 more items pending review in YourShoppingKaki
Another 159 emails to post items in Pasar Night
With dirty linen hung on the old chair where I laid my ass
I am writing a Handbook of  Managing Retail Services and measuring KPI

It felt good to have to shed some tears
In this dirty room
While d riving
In the office washroom
But..
But I realised...
Things are the same once crying is complete..
I still need sales
Slugs are still as heavy as they are
And I still need to deal with life..
And no money in pocket...

Life...
As positive as I try to be..
Kill me the moment you have the time ..
Because I am a phailed manager...

Things That People Do When Work Screwed Up

A note I found in a staff note book

Yup, surat anda di terima....

That Saturday Drapes

It's been a while since I have had the time and focus to go down to the showroom and strut some stuff on the mannequins... The drapes on the mannequin have been left stagnant for alsmost forever. I am slowly losing my sensory in what I do. Or perhaps my services in that particular department is no longer important unless I bring in hoardes of people to the showroom to ogle and spend money on those supr fabulous hand painted fabrics.

This would have turn into another rant post about work- which I think people would get un-interested on how I cope with depression at work or am losing the sanity of trying to master the skills of sell at delusional state of mind.. Anyway.. I still think our work of art here is such a breathtaking scene to the artistic world of hand painted fabrics.

draped this on Saturday in the office.

I would call this hmmm... Rimba?

A saturday's drape again..

Concept : Construction In Progress

some older collection oh-so-versatile piece of saree

which reminds me I need to start working on my self-designed saree piece..

Some pictures of our collection I googled from the previous MIFA? Gosh, I don't even know what have I attended -__-

Peacock on the prowl - 100% hand drawn like mad

who says men cannot bergaya in metrosexual batik prints?

On another note, that woman whose mom was assasinated (as she was so damn rich) got into the politcal party and was given a portfolio / post / responsibility. I wonder if I join the any political party and if my mom sells currypuff, would I be considered a post in the committee too? I can sell currypuff and spread the awareness of eating currypuff till you bleed potatos from your anus..

Happy Sunday....



Work Binge

The raya holidays are ending and I am scared. Really scared. Despite having so many nights of no sleep doing something, I have alot more tihngs not done! Sales reports, SOP work flow, planning sheet, forecast reports and designs! NOt really sure why I do designs anyway, but I can't stand there fact that there is no dedicated person in the office doing it and the designs archive are depleting...die die die..

I have been procrastinating alot.. Real LOT..That sometimes I feel that its amazing I am still alive. With no direction. I dreamt too much I think. First I wanted to be an Odissi dancer, making a humble living dancing on stage. Then I wanted to be a pole dancer. Making a glamour living flexing ass on a pole. Then I wanted to migrate to Laos. To teach English to novices, to train villagers to make batik and to teac Odissi when free. And prhaps set up a library under my foundation. Yes. My foundation.

Then..

Then.. I realised....

Sales reports are not done.

Sales are not meeting with targets

Commision is almost nil

Staff are creating shitholes at work

And I am still procrastinating!!

3 minutes Boots mask, 3 hours design work

There are talks about ISO certification for the office. Well, there have been talks since wayy back. From the talk, to draft out an ISO log book doesn't seem hard. It's like making a recipe book with all details in order. I can't really talk about my grand master plan in drafting a comprehensive master grand plan for my sales and marketing division and the operation division which I am overlooking. As I am known as the one who does not have a habit in tidying up my desk -__-

But I work best when my desk is in a mess!

I wish if ISO certification allows this phrase : untidiness are allowed at the boundary of one's desk / room / cubicle as long as it not hazardous

There is a lot of things in my mind now and blogging about random stuff is merely a way I reduce stress from overthinking or overeating :(

Jean Paul Gaultier perfume - cute!

Turquoise and lime green bangles - perfect as camwhore accessories

Robin Ruth bag

All items courtesy of boss' trip to Paris

Am waiting to dig my hands into the RM600 each books from Emilio Pucci and Hermes :D

Some loots from Bangkok (not the Lancome!) which I am addicted to

Mess, real mess.....

WHY PEOPLE CRY

Some people cry when their family members seen th lights at the other end of the tunnel.
Not necessarily because you can't live without them anymore. Maybe because you have merely grown accustomed to having their shadow of expression around you. The preach, the yelling, the constant nagging that you should not engage in any premarital sex and that you should always treat your grandma with the best manners.

You cry because you have decided to let go of a relationship.
Not because he is the best thing after the greatest man in the universe. But because you have grown accustomed to having someone whom you can have premarital sex without feeling guilty. And perhaps someone to send your car to the workshop when it requires servicing.

I cry because of work ;(
Which is a very stupid thing. Considering that it is not my own organisation that I am weeping for.
I cry not because I am so worried about not achieving sales target. Well, I do cry sometimes in regards to this..
I cry due to many other unfound reason. That when I sit in the office toilet and ponder, I do not know of an exact solid reason I cry.

Today I cried again. Because of office matter. I also finished a pack of cigarette. Don't know why that the sticks of Dunhill Lights feels extremely smooth today. It was a continuous cry. I cried while in the toilet. While on the phone with friends eagerly venting out my dissappointment. While I was talking to my customers too :(

I am very deeply saddened. Not because I do not get a portion of the company. Not because I did not get to go to Paris. Though I would so want to go.

But because I am confined in this doomed shell with a group of descend of the apes who have nothing in their skull but sponge. A dried sponge. Only today I realised how hard it is to teach a group of stray dog to not bark but to try and make them speak the human language. They keep Woofing and not Talking. This is most probably the 7394,399570,3848th attempt to bring 8 people to civilization.

It is very ironic. We used to hire people with CGPA of 3.5 and above. Now we have bohsias, pookimaks, tow truck operator doing this skillful art of batik. I do not underestimate the skills derived from these colonies. Despite the constant irregularity in color mixture. Despite their bad tjanting skills. Despite their awful analysis of motif placement. I went thru all these badly done produce by consuming more Dunhills before and after every session of convincing clients we have the best skills in town. Ironic. Very ironic..

I am never a friend to all people working with me. Those who work well, I take as good colleagues. Those who work but do not know the exact definition of work, I take as spirits roaming in the office. I hate fostering any sort of relation with who and whatsoever. But I always believe in imparting knowledge. And I think I am good with it, considering I have been a tutor for so many years.

Until the day when someone says, "No one ask Cynthia to come down and teach us also. She herself wanted to come and talk so much."

Then I learnt that I have imparted knowledge to the wrong side of the world. OMFG! What am I thinking? Did I not see all this while I am talking to some mules? My wrong. From that day onwards, I imparted myself with the most valuable knowledge - "watch your own ass and not share the gold from your ass with others" 


And so I cried. Not because no one wants to share my gold from the ass. Mir cried too. When she saw me cried. I do not know why she cried. I do not know why I cried too. I cried, she saw and she cried. And so we cried and stopped and decides to go for lunch. We did not talked about anything during the time of lunch. Waited for the currypuff and steamed red bean pau. Tasted horrible. Decided to leave and head back to office.


And I cried again. I tried to rationalise and find a reason why am I crying. Many. Many reason. I am devastated. I am in angst. I am stressed. But of what? I don't know. It left me awake the whole night. Thinking of why I cried. And I am still crying at the time of typing. 

I felt like a heartbroken  girlfriend who found out she was betrayed by the boyfriend with another bitch. Well, I have encountered such situation too when that boy from Muar left me. But it lasted 2 hours. He is not worth crying anyway. Bahh...

But it's different this time. It's like an automated cry. An instantenous cry. Of no control and reason. Wait. There is a reason. I am devastated. because a group of shallow minded pookimaks have decided to break this THING that I have helped in building. Maybe I did not build a lot. But I am sure I have built enough in one way or another to be at where we are now. I am saddened with the fact that pookimaks never really do have the same vision as the few of us who stayed back after work and try to dig the rubbish bin to gather recycled paper. One of us even suggested selling the old newspaper (of less than a meter height in collective) as a measure to cut cost and gain a lil bit of extra earning for the company's petty cash. Not a very ambitious idea obviously. But still a noble one.

I am really saddened to have to think that if we do not win this battle of emotion and rights, we will never be able to prove that every single piece of recycled paper we saved is a penny saved for the organisation. That every hours we stayed back without asking for compensation is a task we so willingly do for the organisation.  I can never imagine losing to beings that looked like human but are made of blended  cow brains and infested vaginas.

Today the victim of situation told me how she was appreciative that I listened to her and I cried  before she even finished her tormenting story. As it shows that I felt her sentiment. Which leads me to cry. Which leads Mir to cry too. Dammit. Why did I not think of that?

Yes, I cried because I know how it felt to deal with morons. With people who keep saying the sky is pink because they farted and did not realise they are wearing a pink shades. Despite you telling them to take of their pink shades.

I cried because I am not able to carefully segmentise my emotion with skills of managing people. In the terms of management, I think I have undergone an emotional collapse. I don't know. I made that term up actually.

I do not know why Mir cried when I cried. But she texted me saying she hates to see me cry. We are not lesbian. It is then that I know we are on the same ship. Of emotional suffering having to be surrounded by morons who refuses to accept that they sky is blue and not pink.

Today.. I think we may have won rationally. It wasn't hard. Considering that blended cow brains can't really produces solid points on why the sky is pink. But it ain't an easy winning. Because tomorrow our car may be hammered at the sides. I would like to think that is the only solid effect blended cow brains are able to produce. They kick hard.

It isn't an entirely a winning that would make us walk with ego. We hope to have won some understanding that they sky is in fact blue. Once you have realised that you are strapped on to your Hello Kitty pink shades, u moron!

But that aside, I have realised now the cry is a symbolic gesture of the unity we have within us. Just that we try not to show. It ain't cool to show that you are emotionally weak by shedding tears. But now I know, it ain't not a symbol of weakness. It's our passion in work that we have fostered during our journey in this humble lil studio...

Tonite, I can sleep. Let's just hope no one bashes my car come tomorrow.

Tuning In From Work..

Do you like my work station? 

I don't really get to see a lot of work station, but I think mine is one of the coolest. No? But boss says I am not very good in tidying of my work station ;/
Seriously, I like to have all things piled up. It creates a sensation as if there is a gazillion of things not done and I need to do something about it.
Clean workstation freaks me out. It feels like I have been asked to leave and the cleaner have readily tidied up my desk pending for my leaving =(

Most probably... again you will be jealous to know that we have this superb area called showroom, which is obviously adorned to impress anyone who drops by. No one really do get what we do. That sometimes it's a bit tiring to even explain.

You know..there are people who operate business selling weird merchandise like those weird hand sculpture thing, where you dip your hand in some gaseous substance (the magic potion, I would call that) in a barrel. All you have to do is make stupid hand gesture and dip for as long as the promoter ask you to. Yeah, that's just the different kind of sales that people can make out of nothing and market out of nowhere. We too have a solid idea and item to market in a very professional way. Like anyone of you who sell properties, consultancy services and such.
There is always this perception that, if you sell batik or ladies wear, you must be some lady of leisure with nothing much to contribute to the society and would like to contribute to the economy by asking the hubby to throw in a 500,000 bucks to open a fancy 600 square feet called boutique / butik / fashion outlet. Sadly, that's not how we do it. Else I would be happy too. Wearing dainty sequinned caftan, pecking cheeks with the socialites, complimenting every surgically corrected facial expression I see..

There is sooo much things / issues / agenda involved in every living day of a sales person. That sometimes it's taking a toll. (Again, I see my post as a rant of frustration -__-" ) 

Everyday you worry about not making enough sales - I never do have enough sales anyway :(  (not too sure if I should even publicly display this and lower my credentials)

Everyday you have to make strange calls to strange people. That aside, some of those over the phone sounds like they are in a session of huchi-mamas while attending to my cold calls - I supposed this is what happens when you call someone too early in the morning and they are still wrestling bears before breakfast (quote from Chindiana)

Everyday you have to think of what the prospects are thinking before they can think of what they are thinking, in order to counter attack and win some debates and turn it into a persuasion form of discussion ( I don't even get what I am saying here)

When you are running out of products to show the same clients whom you have met for the 115th times over a period of 6 months, you don't have much room to play with but to tell them you can do anything and everything under the universe. We call this DIVERSIFICATION and EXPANSION

I can't say that NO ONE actualy get the idea of what we are into. Many do appreciate the lively colors that imbues the sensory and almost everytime creates a delirious spectator with only a 50-50 chances of translating that expression into cold cash.

People, it's all hard work. For me and for those who painted it while standing 8 hours a day, having to undergo nags from the production superior, sweating profusely in the warm studio, waxing lyrical flow of lines. Oh, it's hard for me as I am still not sure if your 50-50 or 80-20 (NO BUY-BUY) can be translated to a 100% BUY!

I am tired. I am lackadaisical. I am confused. I am also worried. I think I am ruined. In many ways. Mentally mostly..

I dream of dancing. 

Of doing sangeetham.

Of sewing my own piece of maxi. 

Of money falling from the sky...

Uhuk...

The first official day of work. Ain't exciting =(
The designer told me she have intention to resign. Nah, that doesn't affect me much. Hard to work with people who lives in their own world. Somehow boss thinks I am so in a bonded relationship with them. It's all work la boss.. I have no affinity towards the younger generation who does not see the importance of conversing in English, and are merely keen to plotting ways to win the boyfriends' family money for the sake of getting married to a rich family. C'mon! At the age of 22? When there is so much to life than a fugly looking boy? No way...am I gonna be affiliated to time waster... I rather drink and flirt!
While driving to work (and was 8 minutes late again!) I didn't feel too good already. The pressure of working. Surviving. Dreading the day. Sad to announce I need another RM800,000 to make ends meet before the financial year ends. Good thing about today - the news came in the evening. if I were made known in the morning, I guess I would have drove out to the middle of KL, stopped the car and finish the entire packet of Dunhill and dirties the car. Went home with no dinner. Ma bought some noodles. Almost puked out all.. It's still not safely digested. Yea,  withdrawal syndrome due to depression / suppression / sales target pressure.

Man.... I really do not know how and what to do.. I am scaring the shit out of my colon...
RM800,00 is not a very big amount if I sell bricks, toilet bowls, handphones, pipes, cables or such. But RM800,000 is a lot when it comes to corporate gifts, uniforms and attire (omg, again, I am feeling  dizzy and nausea).
Tomorrow I am going to flood the designers with so much work and hope she resigns.. see? Told ya, I am not so friendly with the rest of the people as u think i am...