Am I Complicated?

The past couple of weeks have been insanely full of activities. Work basically.
Pasar Night too is taking too much of my time with heaps of post to bump up. This month prediction as per what I read in Lilian Too's forecast of the month wasn't that promising, hence my chicken-feet instinct prompt me to work harder than usual to make ends meet. I really am hoping that all things shall go well, and all proposal gets approved. I desperately need to make it before fire comes down my neck again.
Oh yes, it ain't easy. Ain't easy at all to be in this crate of work. The amount of stress re-gurgitating within your mind, body and soul can sometimes kill. As at now, I suspect the amount of stress have converted itself into lards stored in my body. A freaking 70kgs I am :)  Thank you very much. Call me fat, but still HOT!

This is the second month of yoga which I find didn't really did much in relaxing, destressing or soothing out my mind of thoughts. I can't blame the yoga session. Maybe it's just me. And the amount of bewildered thoughs in me have been contained in my rusty mind for so long i doubt a 2 month yoga stint would even do any miracle. But of course, I do look forward to it, because that is most probably the only ME activity that I could do each week. And the fact that I can't wait to see how much I can flex my organs =D

It has also been awhile since I let my creative juice flow. I have literally, practically, realistically stopped designing, drawing, sketching. If scribbling phone numbers on the note pad cold be counted as creative doodle, perhaps that's the only artsy thing I have done of late.

I can draw wei!!

I also found some scan copy of design concept for a show (MOFEW to be exact) which I conceptualised for a friend but didn't take on. Nay, design isn't what I loathe doing. Merely a vent of creative juice when minds are empty. But it is indeed a therapy at times when one really need a break from the hectic figurative reporting.

But most of the people who draw seldom make a lot of money. They keep drawing and drawing and still do not make a lot of money.  I can't think of anyone who drew and made a lot of money and ca afford to stop drawing. But of course, there are people who draw and draw and have gallery exhibitions. Which again, I don't know if they make any money. Because most of them do not charge entrance fees. So, do they actually make any money? I don't know...

By now you would have realised my blog actually doesn't have much content. It is all baseless statement based on my lingering mind.. 

I guess I am tired from trying to be normal.

Yesterday, I just realised I am not as normal. I am actually rather complicated that I am unable to justify how normal am I, as it just doesn't seem like a normal character for me to react in a manner which I reacted anyway. Perhaps, it isn't the complication of character in me. 

Perhaps, it's clouds of ego that surrounds me that I find it very hard to break.

years of cementing alot of thoughts have really complexify me ;( 

I need to break free..

Yoga on heels ain't the solution to break free. See I told ya I'm not normal!!

The story of a duck

They said life is a leraning curve and you learn new things daily. Like all things, nothing is free. So is a lesson. This sounds serious eh? :)
maybe it is not to you, but to me it is traumatic!! anything that requires payment is bad :(

I hate learning about something the hard way. relating that to stress level, have you ever wondered how is stress level being rated / measured? By weightage in ounces? By the vibration in Richter scale? Or by the 3 level comparison of Good-Gooder-Goodest?

And i stumbled upon this inquisition today. And also the day before. In facts for many more months before.

I would like to declare myself to be in stress mode. Work stress.. But I can't go further as I am not able to define which level. or how to rate it. If I were to rate based on the prickly feel pinching my chest, I can only rate so fas as being very prickly. I am sure there is a higher level than just being very prickly, but by then I may have collapsed before finishing the post. The question dawned upon me. and I spent RM12.50 only to realise - 'Eh, how stress is my stress now?"

I can't define.. wtf..

Do u also realise that if you are one day a leader, and you have staff relating their difficulties to you (most probably they are really stessful and hope that you can have a share of the burden), most of the time empathy doesn;t really work as efficiently?

Scene 1

Boss : Why u didnt come to work and not inform?

Worker : I want to inform but I forgot the office number..'sob' I tried to remember but my brain is just the size of chickpea.. 'sob'

Boss : in mind " not my problem u got a pea up there" so u think u are a diva..

Worker :' SOB'

But sometimes sentimenst are shared too

Scene 2
Worker : bos, I am very stressed becos MJ died .. "cry"

Boss : he died??!! Darn, I am equally stressed and sad too.. "cry"

Empathy works, cus MJ is a public facility figure adored by all. OK<>

Many a times u faces situation like this :

Scene 3

Staff : Boss, the machine just doesn't work. am not able to sew the duck head on its body hence am not meeting clients demand if we keep generating headless ducks. The machine just cant sew the darn head on! We tried but the head dropp.. :(

Boss : Urmm... try again? Sure it can.. Or, try telling your client and see if they can accept headless ducks?

Staff : Hmmphh... ok lor.. I see what I can do...

-------------------

Staff : Client, do u think u will be able to accept a headless duck? CusI tried and I tried, but i cant seem to attach the head. Maybe it's best to have the duck without the head?

Client : Well, I need my duck with a head. And the head just have got to be attached to the neck of the body. It really isn't my business how are u gonna do that. You go figure..you fool..

-------------------------------

Staff : Boss.. client wont listen to me la... the will only take the duck if the head is secured to the neck of the body and not anywhere else..

And so in this situation, how do you cope?

Anyway, the week have been bad.. with my inability to handle human.. and my limbs..

ya.. the limbs that can do no good in mastering my odissi...

with my rate now, I am wondering if there is anything wrong with me..

I am sure it's not dementia.. but the syndrome pertaining to my inability to remember steps seems rather serious..

Enter Frame ...... :)

Bought 11,280 pcs of imitation stones for embelishment, 11 hours of sticking on fabrics and 3 almost crying labour force picking and sticking stones :)

The Calendar Ran Out Of Space

Less than 10 more days and I gotta buy a new calendar..

Less than 10 days, there's execution plans and ultimatum for the coming time..

Less than 10 days, an unexpected year pushes itself to u, me and everyone else..

Less than 10 days, u, me or anyone would have / may have / could have / should have a list of to do and all that have been achieved..

And all I have to boast is ...

My permanent disability in keeping my desk clean. I swear i try very hard.. But not having things cluttered makes me feel empty :D

(once upon my room, which people say is haunted / negative / highly-spirited)

Ya, I know what a bad impression it is to have a messy table. After all I don't think any CEO have got messy table. No Directors, Managing Directors too would not tolerate such a mess.

I am not one of the mention of course. Not yet :D

Nevertheless I must say the condition of the symptom did improve compared to 3 years back ?..

(the horrendous work place next to the toilet, in front of the tiger)

Being in the sales line is never always rosy. People always thinks sales people get all the time they want as they are mostly out of the office and can easily run errands like paying bills, have long lunches, hang around with friends and so.. but no ler..

There's diva-vicious clients to deal with. People who think a dollar is bigger than my face and demanded values worth more than my boobs. Still, i am in the likes of being in my position, though at times, stress overtakes the passion to go further. Indeed it has taken over me many times these couple of years. And I am still finding the crucial factor which have brought me down so impartially that I am on the verge of diving own from KLCC.. trust me, I mean it..

I did sort of figured out a few factors that brought to my inefficiency.. which I find no point rendering on it as it wont be something that I will be able to change.. (wait, this is not even a boast.. this is a rant!! arrgh!! i must make a resolution to say all things pleasant and not be distracted to rant!!!)

My name is Suhana Mazwin :D

I have diam-diam become a malay.. Because by becoming one I can have a bigger gate of opportunity.. I can buy houses with 7% rebates. I can get grants, free food, free wedding, free milk powder and whatever possible. I can also get to be a Dato's 2nd, 3rd or 4th wife :D . and with my fluency in Malay both verbally and written, who else can beat me, Suhana Mazwin Lee being a Malay? yah, I shall win the competition if there is one.. :)

But

I like to eat pork. babi. As at NOW.

So I will need to delay my plan for the time being till I opted for alternative food.

BUT

despite all the nothingness happening in my imaginary life, I do have something I am rather proud of.. for year 2008

(the incomplete attire )

novices are sexy male :)

I can run though I may be fat

I so crave atention

The journey wasn't all things nice with nice view of sexy monks and novices, getting attention from students and stuffs...There are always rough patches like jerks that comes appearing in your life... ya, bad dates which I had for like ... hmmm.... a bit too much to figure out... but generally, most of you are jerks eh.. maybe some of you are not. But blame me for my short span of attention. I easily get bored!!

I get bored reading at papers without finishing it.

I get bored hiking half way through a mountain.

I get bored in the midst of driving. I get bored while shopping.

I am extremely bored when it comes to pretending I am interested in a conversational topic that does not pique my slightest grey mass.

Yeah, it's a syndrome.

Jerks aside, things are not well with work, which i so needed to figure out but the mystery remains unsolved. I am still trying to relate that to the factors that brought to the reduced productivity of mine as mentioned earlier...

With the current economic slowdown I am so hoping it will not pass as fast as I really need more time to sort out a lot of complexity occuring.. It doesn't help when Ma come back and repetitively mentioned I'm gonna flunk in life in the coming year. She keep stressing whatever that I'm gonna do just will never sail in the right place..

wtf ...

Thanks for the consolation..

Happy mother's day.. and happy new year..

:(

a note to myself : I must really do something about my posting. It's as screwed as my life with fonts sizes in variation and spacing unrecognised