Sometime

Sometimes

It's better off to be true to yourself
And speak the truth
And not let the lies deceit you
And those you trying hard to deceive

Sometimes

You are not always right
I am not always this
They are not always that
We are never always what is presumed
But we have never stop assuming


Sometimes

What you expect is not what I want
What I want is not what you expect
What is expected is far from reality
Beyond expectation
But the expectation never stop


Sometimes

I try to look at things
With a zest of passion
A pinch of positivity
And an ounce of excitement
Only to receive the biggest fall never expected

Sometimes

I ask myself very often
If my sanity remains
If I am awake
From the episodes
After episodes
That I am not even keen to watch

Kickin' in a pair of Sandals

nd today I am going random.
Let's talk about sandals..shoes, slippers whatever you are comfortable at.

Women who are getting tired of wearing those killer high heels to the office, to dinner dates or even on a day out with friends should consider something more comfortable like sandals. Sandals are the perfect substitute for the ladies who want to relax their feet while still looking stylish all day long in their footwear. However, women can create various stunning looks with the trendy sandals available in the market. There are three simple ways where women can walk confidently out to town wearing sandals. For the ladies who want to avoid wearing high heels or platform wedges with their maxi dresses can definitely switch it up with a strappy sandal. This look will not only maintain your feminine aura but also allows you to enjoy a leisure day with comfort.

Meanwhile, if you are the type of women who loves wearing flip flops to the supermarket, coffee shop or even during the weekends, sandals will be the perfect choice to spice up your casual look. Wear it with denim jeans, shorts or even a pair of leggings and show off those fabulous sandals without having a sloppy appearance in public.

The supermarket flip flop :D

Other than that, women can also style their sandals with a nice jumpsuit. Select a jumpsuit which gives a nice proportionate balance to your body figure and pair it with a matching sandal. The jumpsuit+sandal are perfect for that smart casual attempt to work or a lunch date with the special someone. Feel comfortable in the sandal flats while enjoying your day pleasantly. If you are interested in adding some new pair of sandals for women, check out ZALORA as it is an online shopping website which offers an extensive range of women sandals online from various well-known brands.

Like a piece of stubborn rubber

You walk the talk

On the grainy carpet

On the sandy beaches

On the gravel road

Like a best friend

To the pasar malam

To the pasar pagi

You fend off all obstacles

Like a Fendi of it's own class.

This place filthered with chinese chauvinist

Everyday I have to ask myself why do I want to cramp myself in this hole of delusion impacting my life with all the negative vibes from arrogant amateurs....with no structures, no standards and no guidelines, in life, in every steps of work.
Work flow is just a name with no definition.
SOP is merely an abbreviation with no meaning.

I cry. Not because i cannot cope.
I cry because I have belittled myself with all these negative amusement and let it eat me up.
I can no longer have any positive vibes. Not even with my immaculate skills in levelling up my make up skills.
No I am still not at ease. I felt like a westerner amidst a group of mahjong-playing old man clad in weary singlet.
I do not feel a class higher. Get me no wrong.
But I feel the compression mode of denial in them. Refusing to budge, not able to spell out the vision thye claim to uphold. It's a whole scene of fakeness.
It has eaten up my passion to excel.
It has drown me from wanting to be the best.
All I can do now is - do if need to, do if forced to. otherwise, stop and don't nudge.
This is not me.
Definitely not the me I used to know.
I don't undertsnad what is holding me back.
I think it must be the 2 Prada I commited for 12 months.
Otherwise, I would want to spread my wings and leave this imbecile group of specimen to let them be in their undisturbed reign. I want to be me again. The better side of me.

One word to all of u - Fuck You.

Cannibals oh Cannibals

It was a show. A scripted show not done flawlessly.
I stood aside watching. It was a really bad show. I am not impressed watching.
With a group of predator, hoping to oust another the black sheep out of the safari.

It's a game that I don't think I want to be in.
Where cannibals eat cannibals.
Life.

I Cannot Breathe

For the longest time, I had never had lunch on my own on a working day. In public. On my own.

I cannot breathe after months.

I cannot hold on to the stream of tears.

Every single time when my head bow down to a bowl of noodles, there's stream of voices from the rest of them talking and talking and talking.

About work, About how bad is work. About how bad is she, he, them.

Everytime I place a spoon nearer to my mouth I get voices commenting the soup is bad (yet they consume it), the food is bland (yet they consume it), the food is not up to their taste (yet they consume it).

Every single seconds there's voices radiating, as long as I am in the company of some companies. 

And everytime I just had to swallow each mouthful with a wisp of air. Because I have to oepn my mouth to acknowledge these voices.

Perhaps age is catching. I am tired. I no longer am keen to know if the girl next cubicle is not following a certain SOP. Wait. Not to say I am not keen. But I cannot have anymore of these streaming to my ear. Because it works like a catalyst. That evokes the emotion in me. 

As of now, it has built up so much that I no longer have the drive to ... well.. drive on.

I yearn to learn from people who have seen the world.

But I get to work along the line of people who have been here for the past 15 years and has never been out.

I yearn to have creative inputs and outputs.

But all I got to do is to make sure the latest phone for the season (every phone for every season looked the same to me) gets up in the client's newsletter. 

Not being able to visualise a crafted Australian artisan soap seated in a Mondrian inspired China made ware or conceptualising jaw-dropping story line to any marketing campaign is slowly killing my creative juice. In fact, I am all dried up.

I have nothing but tears to shed. 

It's beginning to show, The littlest to almost a very tiny slimy chance that I will be able to follow the likes of the rest of these happy-ever-after clan in their comfort zone. Totally not comfortable at all.

I had no room to breathe. I feel stupid conforming to things that I cannot make sense of. I forced myself to abide. But I am building up anger so much so that the tiniest of my gesture reflects that. The room to breathe is getting lesser. The room to burn is building up. 

I had to sit in the loo and cry.

I had to drive home and cry unknowingly.

I have to put up quotes while crying as I type.

I had to sit in the car and cry before I start work.

I cannot breathe.

Like cancer cells mutilating at such speed I can no longer contain.

I have never felt so burnt up ever in my entire working profession.

I no longer know what I do.

All I do now is to do up whatever everyone do.

All I do now is to do up the sedentary work.

All I do now is to take up instruction and do.

All I do now is to get nagged at other people's wrong decision.

All I do now is to stare, do, stare do whatever that comes.

I had to cry. 

Because I realised I am no longer me. 

All I ever think of is to slit my wrist in front of all these patriarch of menial work and hope they are satisfied that I am now a total crushed out frame of no emotion. 

All I ever do now is to go home, and cry in the shower, as if I was raped.

Raped by the situation, leaving me in total loneliness and a total empty soul.

Today I was told to confine myself and my work in my 1.2 meter mobile work desk as they intend to put someone else next to my desk.

From adesk with 6 seats and none is occupied, I had to confine myself to my 1.2 meter width desk, to be accompanied with a self made cabinet that I had to construct on my own and need to make way so they can have another person seated at 1.25m onwards from the end of my 1.2m desk.

On the pretext that the shaman said its the best seats for now to ensure prosperity.

I don't know what to mutter, I guess nothing.

I guess it's a sign. That it's the time to leave. Leave it to the  shaman..

And for the first time, I had my letter ready..

I guess I am awake and ready to be out of the comfort zone...

Because I really cannot breathe.............