Hard To Breathe..

It is in time like this that I finally realised more things about myself. I am also beginning to have clear picture of why certain people inflict hurt on themselves when in a state of distress.

Today I learnt something; I may be able to work under pressure to finish a task, but I can never withstand stress from imperfection. =( It's really sad, that at this phase of my life I am not able to learn to let go.

Since the moment I got the call, I am tremendously distracted. I have a heavy heart. As if someone threw salt on my wound. As though someone pee some terribly pungent urine on me and I am holding my breath and not able to escape my face from the urine (how come this sounds like Japanese porn?)

It is at this situation that I felt like self-abusing. I don't know.. perhaps bang my head on the wall? (I hope I don't turn stupid) Scratch my arms with the ruler? (I hope it doesn't hurt that much) Scratch my face Put my hair on fire. It is pain like these that will reduce the heart pain due to stress. Now I really do get it ; to overcome pain with more pain.

It is at times like this I hope to have someone to share the horrible day with. May not help much, but if I have someone who would lend me a shoulder to bang my head on, lend me an arm to bite off, lend me a leg to break, that would be relieving. May not be able to solve the situation faced, but definitely the pain caused will be able to overcome the pain in heart due to the stress faced.

I don't think I will be able to have a good sleep at all tonight. The whole conversation is still going on strong in my mind. I tried watching sand art. I resorted to listening to Buddhist chants somemore! The soberism just didn't go away. At all.

While having dinner, I ordered a bun and a cold iced coffee in the attempt to numb my mind. I took a notepad and started thinking of more design work. I scribbled. I draw. I wrote. I knew I just have to keep my mind busy. I can''t think of the consequences. I am so shaken with the call and comments. I really cannot accept flaws.

I ate 3/4 of a big papaya. Not in hope to have a bigger bosom. But because I felt empty. I felt terribly shaken by the entire scenario. And what I will have to endure tomorrow when I meet up. . .

I hate customer's complaint .. =(

Chic Pop-pin

I'm a virgin to Chic Pop =D The last time I mentioned to boss I am going to a bazaar, she was squinting her eyes and gave me a HUH? and goes "Oh, so you are buying fruits in that Mon't Kiara Flea Market?" Yeah, that's what the corporate adults always think of. In fact, thats what I used to think too =D

TTDI Plaza

Jenny with her purchase in the bag |  Shangari - yet to purchase | Sha-Lene - not purchasing anything =D

Shangari with her mad purchase from The Shoplifters! RM5 for a quirky cheongsam - most probably would have been worn by some dead gothic student in Japan 5 years back. But still, IT'S RM5! Mati pun mati la!

I did came across 2 pieces of funky jacket from the same rack selling for RM25 (like what the owner of Shoplifter is wearing) But oh well, age is catching. And I got no motorbike license to boast the jacket on a bike.

I am a biased person, yes =D. And because I bought from DirtyPrettyThings, so I will flood the pictures of her items =P

Things that I won't wear, but you may wear 

DirtyPrettyThings

preloved  floral bustier from DirtyPrettyThings

a romper? jumper? from DirtyPrettyThings

I didn't know this is a romper/ jumper till I got back into my car and found that it's stitched at the bottom. I thought it is a dress. But NO! Which means if I am in dire need to pee, I have to time my speed to unlace the back  strap, pull down the sleeve strap, take off the sleeve from my hand, pull everything down to hips and then only can I proceed to perform my business in the loo =( Another alternative will be too wear no undies and pass out from like what the boys are doing, I guess =D

Nevertheless, I'll still keep it for the sake of 'Been There, Bought That, What's Next' moto in life =P

Woman with earring long top - Eff-Bombs

I have been eye-ing for this top when it was RM35 till it dropped to RM15. Phew.. Lucky thing not many people have the good taste that I possess in dressing =P

(reminder to self - never to wear when going for major drinking session. The woman's face may appear bloated simultaneously when I am  pregnant with Heineken, Johnny and Jack)

I went to the bazaar with these

My fave Yipi Yaya Excess Baggage FlareTop - Lah Lah Land

My Leopardy Bag from Vintage Pod

In any case you suspect I am some kinda dumb bitch with a lopsided head, I am NOT. It's the theory of reflection that I am trying to conceal there. I have to nudge and bend every / certain part of the body to stop the afternoon sun  ray from giving glare like having flashes... yada yada... it's a complicated theory when dealing with Tesco camera.

Rena and her One-Tiang-Hang-All Collection

Nakalicious

I didn't realise also that Nakalicious is having 50% clearance till I got home and saw the pictures I took -_-

I have this 'tidak-apa-cincai-boncai' attitude when snapping pictures :)  And that bag from Survival Store is less than RM60! 

Nakalicious | SurvivalStore

This bag is so big. To compare I have Reena's head in front. I think you can put 3 heads in it =D

That's the thing with hip and happening bazaars - the crowd just won't budge. It's always with people walking here and there and hard to get a good snap. But hey, nevertheless I helped you you in determing the size of the bag =D

bag by Lah Lah Land (i think)

I bought a pair too =D

CathyKatie

It's so difficult to get this kinda maxi nowadays, but it's RM100 or so. Oh well..maybe I should start sewing.

bags for teeny boopers

Overall, it's a great bazaar to go, though I wish I can drive around in my car, with air cond on and stopped when I see something interesting. Yeah, the weather is hot, my BB cream is melting and bras too are damp =D

Back to work! Have a good day at work! =D

kerja-kerja tak siap

The Fallen Hair

This is a very very busy year!!! Until my hair too fell off out of frustration and stress. I have also not been going for Odissi class anymore since last November 2009. Can't believe it that there is actually a possibility of creating politics in a dance class!! So drama! I am hoping all these will not dampen my spirit to pursue my keen interest in doing Indian classical dance. Yes, after all the cat-figts I am still keen. I know I can be good at it if i persist on =D

The stressed up hair that withers on the Ikea table =(

Yes, somehow I am back to doing design again. Which is really stressful. It's like getting involved in a relationship sometimes. You have to nurture it. You have to really put your heart into it Feeling it. Getting inspired and start giving LOVE! In the design aspect, you gotta start churning good designs of course. Argh, I always ended up in scandals - in the design aspect of course =P and it's called getting copied inspired by other's design =D What to do.. I've got a dateline to meet!

I would like to further blog about how shitty suppliers freak the shit and puss out of me and how I would like to burn their factories and set them ablaze too.. but I suppose blogging and not doing it in reality will not really make an impact. Neither will it solve the case of not getting my mock up done in time. Sigh...I wish I had better things to talk about like how to make a hair bun like Cheesie

Anyway, I am scavenging my boxes of newly bought stuff and already planning on what to wear for Chic Pop! =D  I don't personally know why am I feeling so delirious about it. After all, it's not like I will be attending the Grammy Awards and sitting next to ( i can't even name any artiste!) and getting smooched by (again, I can't even name any artiste!)

Yippi Yaya Excess Baggage Top from Lah Lah Land

Tie Dye Leggings from Vintage Japan

Preloved Atmosphere dress fron Vintage Vanity

so is the quirky necklace! =D

Rocker skull top from Vintage Vanity

Vintage Vanity have got loads of stuff for hot fatties and accesorie-nista =D

Hop over and see if anything catched your eyes.

And as usual, I can't stand my hair getting longer. I got my short fringe back! =D

AKU CUTE!

Random Shots

the bumiputras in the office =D

Sunday Jitters

black top - RM19.90 (Next Shop-Mid Valley) | Fake batik printed skirt - RM29 (Tyra Mei-Amcorp) | Jane Birkin Bag in brown - RM45 (Alicewonders.com) | marketing folder - company's =D

Ahhaha... most probably I have nothing to shout about my attire to work.. cus it's so not adaptable to a lot of people. Who never seem to get the reason behind me wearing it as such =D Anyway...

Did I tell you I have developed a weak heart since the end of year 2009? I felt like collapsing at the very moment of visualising and made into realisation that I haven't been making big figures on my work portfolio for the recent years. Maybe I shouldn't even talk about this and ruin my online portfolio as a salesperson who do not do well in THIS particular industry =(

I was clearing some old junks and piles of documents which I still keep when I started my selling-hood till now. Yes, I have got myself a Self Sales Executive job way back post 2005/2006 and later an Assistant Sales Manager. Seriously I think th eposition of an Assistant Sales Manager is redundant, as it still requires one to sell and co-ordinate and preach at the rest of the sales people while the Sales Manager... manages?. I was then a Business Development Executive in another company which left me traumatised with a pungent office environment. The organisation is there, at the same office, with the same staff 15 years back. The cleaner lady, the chairs, the manager, the tables, and everything is stagnantly there since 10 years back! So you can imagine the pungent smell of old chairs, old paper boxes, old people... -__-
But I do have some very good figures which left me the freedom to yell at the person who hires me =P

Yeah, I keep track of the big big figures I bring in =)

And now I am in such a homey office, with proper pantry, proper people (hmm), proper seatings, gorgeous showroom, superb discussion area, but depressing sales dysfunction -__-

Gorgeous discussion area. Visit me!

Gorgeous seatings!

pretty long wait daily to meet prospects.. super uber-sien

waiting in where ever place imaginable. Where do you think this is?

It's the jitter again. To get back to work on Monday with no decent appointments.

Need to send out quotes.

Need to send out proposals.

need to meet more prospects.

Need to lie down..

My heart is weak again...